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To be suspicious

(30 Posts)
Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 05:27:06

I have something preying on my mind and need to ask this question even though I'm scared of the answer I may get.

BF of a few years house shares in town he works. He received a txt from the young woman who also lives there which I saw on his phone and got him to open in front of me. This woman is many years younger than both of us.

He was really cross that I was suspicious and he has a way of making me feel bad about asking any questions.

The txt was asking if he was at home and ended in the word " babe"
He txt back in front of me saying " no what's up?"

She went on to say about she wasn't going to come home and something about letting the cats out and getting in trouble from her mum.

AIBU to worry there is something going on? I just don't feel comfortable with the " babe" bit but I know to some people it's just a turn of phrase. Do I give him a hard time for nothing?

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 11:06:10

That should be"him living there though"

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 10:56:20

Ok I guess I have to hold my hands up and admit I'm wrong and yes probably a bit bonkers. Jealousy issue I guess. I,ve never really had a big issue with I'm living there before thought

ErikNorseman Tue 05-Mar-13 10:38:22

But they are flat mates! You are starting to sound bonkers. Why shouldn't he be friends with his flat mate, whatever her age? Do you have a problem with him living with her?

BIWI Tue 05-Mar-13 10:37:03

Really? Are you very young yourself, Stelmosfire?

I think you are trying to look for ways, now, to find an issue where there is none.

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 10:28:12

Because " kids" aren't usually friends with adults not in the way 2 adults are friends with each other, so in which case she must be an adult

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 10:26:53

I would store this in that little part of brain we use to gather evidence. Hopefully you'll never have to use it, and you mustn't act on this alone EVER, because the chances are it's completely innocent.

I manage my jealousy by using my evidence storeage area! So far, in 15 years of happy marriage, there's a couple of unrelated items stored that have gathered dust and have needed no further thought. In my previous relationship, the storeage 'unit' was full to overflowing, and it was correct.

Babe, darling, love, mate... all words that are used innocently and true, used by the guilty also. It is infinitely better than 'hun' though grin

BIWI Tue 05-Mar-13 10:24:08

I think 22 is a kid! And why shouldn't a 22 year old be friends with a 42 year old?

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 10:21:36

I probably ABU but 22 is not a "kid" and a 22 yr old and 42 yr old man being friends is a bit odd

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Mar-13 09:26:36

Have you heard kids talk these days?


It's a different language. I really wouldn't read anything into it.

drownangels Tue 05-Mar-13 08:22:29

Babe is common parlance where I live. Common as in popular.
Nobody would bat an eye at it. Used by everyone from teenage girls to older people.
I wouldn't think twice if DH got that text in the context you have described.

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 08:16:10

JOINING : I did apologise to him almost immediately

BIWI Tue 05-Mar-13 08:16:04

If he's your BF of a few years and you're still not living together, can I ask why? Is this really a relationship that is going anywhere? You sound like you feel very insecure in the whole thing.

I hate 'babe' being used by anyone, but it does seem to be just a word that is used between friends.

I think you and your BF need to have a conversation about how you feel and why you feel so insecure. But don't go accusing him of anything based on this text!

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 08:14:20

I know you weren't.The comment about a euphemism genuinely made me laugh

Joiningthegang Tue 05-Mar-13 08:13:38

You may need to apologise to your boyfriend - if I was him I would be really cross "I am being unreasonable tO end my relationship because there is no trust"

On the other hand he may be used to it and finds it endearing that you can, on occasion be jealous.

popcornpaws Tue 05-Mar-13 08:13:03

You need to get off the treadmill of mulling things over and coming up with the same answer.
You obviously don't trust him, no wonder he was annoyed when you made him open the text so you could read it!
I don't know your history, but YABU on this occasion!

ScarletLady02 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:12:25

I wasn't making light of your feelings, hope you didn't think that, just saying it sounded like a perfectly innocent exchange to me smile

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 08:09:55

Scarlett: your post made me laugh. But I do know they are always fussing about the cats

ScarletLady02 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:08:13

Doesn't sound like anything to worry about....unless "letting the cats out" is some euphemism I'm not aware of grin

I agree with the others, I know plenty of young women who call male friends/colleagues/anyone "babe"

livinginwonderland Tue 05-Mar-13 08:05:17

"babe" is nothing to worry about. it makes me cringe, but i work for a large supermarket and i get so many customers calling me "babe" or "love". people use it as a friendly thing and it rarely means anything, honestly smile she was just being friendly, but i can see why it would make you a bit insecure.

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 08:05:14

Ok fair enough thanks for knocking some sense into me. Feel bad for being in a shitty mood over it now. Must get my jealousy under control . Thanks everyone x

ifancyashandy Tue 05-Mar-13 08:02:01

You're massively over thinking this. The word 'babe' to a 22 year old is exactly as the PP said; the same as love / mate etc.

It's just a figure of speech. I've a friend who calls everyone babe. Can't say it's a word I use but I wouldn't be suspicious of a partner who did.

ErikNorseman Tue 05-Mar-13 08:01:18

Some people have no concept of appropriate language (see above!)

ErikNorseman Tue 05-Mar-13 08:00:45

Babe makes me cringe but loads of people use it with everybody. A dad at a social services meeting I was at yesterday called me babe <cringe>

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 07:59:43

He knows I'm insecure and to be frank I think it really annoys him now.

But why would a 22 yr old be using " babe" to a 42 yr old lodger in her mums house, even if the message was a querie about the cats? I can't get it out of my head.

ripsishere Tue 05-Mar-13 07:53:29

IMO, babe is on the same level of affection as love. I don't like the word babe, but do use it when I forget myself and how post I am hmm
I think you need to have a long talk with your DP about your insecurity.

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