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to want to tell the customers to shove their laptops up their arses

(56 Posts)
lappy Mon 04-Mar-13 17:54:11

I work for a very customer service orientated company. Any problems that arise can be quickly dealt with and almost always after one communication. I do generally love my job, it's a great company with great people but what's been starting to really get on my tits recently is the same old phrases that customers are starting to throw in. This is mainly emails but now it's starting to creep on to the Facebook page.

Such phrases as:

'not the quality I expect from you'
'not good in this economic climate'
'disgusted with the service' ...this is usually over something very trivial and non-intentional! Disgusted is more often than not spelt as discusted.
'imagine my horror' ... again usually over something as life-shattering as a parcel arriving with a slightly bashed corner'
'as a valued customer' apposed to what?
'as a loyal customer' ..if you say so.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't complain if something has gone wrong, you definitely should so it can be put right but why is everyone using these same old phrases? Where have they picked them up?

I'm getting really bored of them now.

Calabria Tue 05-Mar-13 12:16:45

Phew. So glad I didn't use any of those phrases in the email I sent the other day complaining about the lack of pasta in my pasta snack pot.

vladthedisorganised Tue 05-Mar-13 10:44:46

YANBU. People really have no idea how to complain properly - I spent a few (long) years in customer services and the thing that got me was the emotive language, and the way people made it so personal..
"imagine my horror..."
"I was truly appalled.."
".. nothing disgusts me more than this.." (^Really^? So pictures of slaughtered Syrian children leave you cold, but the fact a computer warranty doesn't cover a cracked screen disgusts you beyond measure? Hmm..)
"I hope you're happy that you, personally, have ruined my business, my personal life and any prospects I may have had.." (had sent them a notice that their warranty had expired the previous year)
"I want nothing more than to ruin your life as you have ruined mine" - see above

If I ever have cause to complain I try to:
- Set out what happened in non-emotive language
- State what I'm not happy with (use 'surprised' and 'disappointed', not 'shocked' or 'horrified' unless really talking about chainsaw-massacre stuff)
- Say what I want and why - "Given that I did not receive the goods in an acceptable condition, I would like to have a working replacement sent to me within the next x days and a freepost address where I can send the faulty goods back to you. If this is not possible, please let me know what your company policy is on these matters and how the situation can be rectified as soon as possible."
- Thank them for their attention

SecretNutellaFix Tue 05-Mar-13 09:54:04

I highly recommend the site

Some very funny and some not so funny tales of customer rudeness and complaints.

TheCraicDealer Tue 05-Mar-13 09:40:40

The only time I've ever complained about anything was when a dress I got from Asos spilt right up the bum while I was in work. I then repaired it and it spilt again below my new seam while I was out for dinner with friends.

I like to think I brightened that customer service person's day with my email- "you can imagine my embarrassment, which was only increased by the fact I was wearing flesh coloured knickers", "thankfully I was able to effect an emergency repair with a stapler from the office once the customer brought this to my attention", etc.

poozlepants Tue 05-Mar-13 09:21:01

YANBU. That would do my nut in.
I've noticed people do like a bit of the dramatic at the moment. Nine times out of ten when I click on OP here that says "I'm devastated" it's usually someones Mother or MIL has put their bins out without permission.

lappy Tue 05-Mar-13 09:06:45

BOF - that letter was brilliant!
YesIAmYourSisterInLaw I think I received and answered your letter last week didn't I smile
Giraffe - a voucher is on it's way to you.

Lifeisontheup Tue 05-Mar-13 07:38:15

We had a complaint from a man about his relative who had been involved in a car accident at night in the rain.

She'd been taken out of the car on a spinal board and apparently we hadn't taken her jewellery off before immobilising her thus wasting valuable time at hospital. He was shocked and horrified at our incompetence.

MsFanackerPants Tue 05-Mar-13 06:24:52

I work in the complaints department of a council. I see complaints ranging from very serious issues (social services) to the most petty things. The petty complaints are always the most dramatic. My favourite was the man who complained that the council were doing nothing about his neighbours' cats going in his garden. He was horrified, distressed and at his wit's end. Another man was obsessed about his bin collection being missed in 2010 due to snow. It was collected a week later and his was still writing to us in October 2012 about it.

My favourite complaints are ones that quote Article 8 of the European convention on human rights. Usually in relation to council tax or recycling.

IRCL Tue 05-Mar-13 01:24:14


The last company I worked for was very big on customer service.

I had one lady who bought an unreturnable product due to hygiene reasons. I even made a bloody point of telling her this. Low and behold she tries to return said item threatening me with a long call to head office there the ones that make through soddin rules in the first place.


LittleEdie Tue 05-Mar-13 00:56:38

meddie shock

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 00:34:30

Foxache I love "Points of View" language! I see it on MN ALL THE TIME and I HATE IT.

"Why oh why..." I want to say of FUCK OFF with your unimaginative shite.

meddie Tue 05-Mar-13 00:29:31

My friend who works in a childrens hospital recently had an emergency admission overnight. They have a macdonalds house but the reception is only open during the day so they put the parents up in an emergency overnight room (basically just a bed) until a room could be arranged the following day

They received a formal complaint via PALS the next day that:
a) the room was too small
b There was no tea or coffee making facilities in the room
c) there was no en suite toilet

The room was right next to the parents sitting room that has 2 toilets, vending machines and a microwave, kettle and fridge and a small supply of emergency packs, which contain tea/coffee/sugar/wet wipes/toothbrush and deodorant that the nurses supply by fund raising.

foxache Mon 04-Mar-13 23:49:23

BOF, that's brilliant, Jane was very patient. And yes I agree that it's hard to write letters of complaint (or any letters imo) so cliches are often easier.

Mspontipine Mon 04-Mar-13 23:46:15

If we're correcting spellings it's 'opposed'.

BumBiscuits Mon 04-Mar-13 23:41:02

Perhaps customers should use the medium of dance to express their complaint or you should find a job you can be happy in

BOF Mon 04-Mar-13 23:03:09

I would love to be able to write letters like this.

CrystalTits Mon 04-Mar-13 22:59:03

DH recently returned a cheap pair of trainers with hard, slippery soles. I know, you get what you pay for, but in an attempt to exaggerate the unsuitability of the product, he said to the CS lady, '! nearly fell over and...errrr...broke my hip.'

He's only 43. She was hmm

Sparklingbrook Mon 04-Mar-13 22:57:20

A lot of the bank complainants liked to try and charge us £25 for the letter they had written to us. As the bank charged £25 unpaid fee for letters to them re returned cheques. confused

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 04-Mar-13 22:53:20

YA soooo NBU. I almost started a thread like this last week after dealing with some extremely annoying customers!

BOF Mon 04-Mar-13 22:52:58

I think it's because lots of people have little experience of writing formal letters, so they fall back on clichés. It's actually quite difficult to write a letter of complaint- just look at how many tweaks the perfect email gets on here when people ask for advice.

That said, I'd love to hear some funny stories, if anyone has any.

EthelredOnAGoodDay Mon 04-Mar-13 22:48:43

If you work in the public sector, you get the joy of people invariable starting their complaints with 'as a taxpayer....'
I have noted quite a few 'discusted' people on MN of late.
Agree about JL's new couriers, BTW!

notsofrownieface Mon 04-Mar-13 22:41:21

Sometimes you do want to say 'get a fucking grip'

cumfy Mon 04-Mar-13 22:40:45


YesIamYourSisterInLaw Mon 04-Mar-13 22:36:41

Dear lappy
I am discusted by this post, it is not the quality I expect from you and I think in this economic climate you could do better than to slag off your valued and loyal customers.
Imagine my horror upon reading this post
Please make my compensation cheque payable to :
31 filled with horror road

Thanks grin

Grinkly Mon 04-Mar-13 22:35:54

Aaah - but we have the last laugh.

We can leave a CRITICAL REVIEW online - heh, heh, heh....

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