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To NOT buy this toy for ds because it is a girl's toy?

(110 Posts)
Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:42:56

Ds is just over three and a half. He has a chart for good behaviour and a few small chores. Once his chart is full every month or so he gets to choose a little prize for around ten pounds. Since he started the chart a few weeks back the thing he has wanted is the my little pony train. And at the moment it is on offer massively reduced on amazon.
He likes trains. He likes ponies. In his mind it seems a good plan. However I am not so keen. Not because it is a "girls'" toy really (we have many toys that could be considered traditionally a girls' toy) and I firmly believe that children should be able to play with what interests them. Usually.
I'm just a bit concerned he may be laughed at by other boys. Ds has stayed home with me and only has a couple of sessions at nursery a week. Consequently he is less streetwise than many of the other children. I suppose when we have playdates I could put it away, but I can see him being so pleased with it that he tells everyone at nursery.

He is already a bit the odd one out because he is quite sensitive and quiet. I don't want to give them any other reason to consider him different. Sad that I have to think this I suppose.

Wibu to not get him this?

NumericalMum Mon 04-Mar-13 17:54:58

They are three? How can they be less naive?
I would buy him the toy he wants. YABU

Fanjounchained Mon 04-Mar-13 17:55:16

hmm even...

FellNel Mon 04-Mar-13 17:56:44

There is all sorts I could say about this but I'll just settle for YABU.

PastaBeeandCheese Mon 04-Mar-13 17:57:36


ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 04-Mar-13 17:58:14

If you want the rewards system to work you need to get him the little gifts he would value.

YABU. Don't put your own stereotype stresses on a three year old!

yellowbrickrd Mon 04-Mar-13 17:59:32

Can't help finding the idea of a 3 year-old with a behaviour chart and chores rather sad.

He is going to have to get used to interacting with other children, good and bad. If you already think he is rather quiet and sensitive you won't do him any favours by trying to 'manage' that process.

Badvoc Mon 04-Mar-13 18:00:03

My 4 year old dresses up as a princess at nursery.
Because he is 4.
If he is still doing it at 14 I will have a quiet word.
(Only in the house, son)

KitchenandJumble Mon 04-Mar-13 18:00:20

Well, of course YABU. Buy him the toy he wants.

Having a bit of a giggle at the thought of streetwise 3-year-olds.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:00:40

Well he will be one of the youngest in his year group anyway so some of them will be 12 months older near enough. So are bound to be more grown up.
I'm glad I'm being unreasonable as I also quite fancy playing with the my little pony train!
It just makes me sad when I look through preschool window and see the other boys charging About playing and ds sat on his own. He wet himself at preschool a while back and some of the others were mean to him about it and laughed at him.
I was so miserable myself at school I don't want ds to stand out as being different and therefore be picked on.

WowOoo Mon 04-Mar-13 18:01:00

If he's actually allowed to choose, let him choose.

As he gets older teach him to say 'Toys are for everyone. Not girls or boys.' And to not listen to silly

This is what I told my niece to say to boys who told her that castles and swords are for boys.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:02:43

No no he likes his chart! We have found he responds really well to it. He is boisterous at home, only reserved at nursery! By chores I mean takes his cup out, washes his hands before eating, puts clothes in laundry basket. Not scrubbing floors!

LinusVanPelt Mon 04-Mar-13 18:02:59

I'd imagine that part of what upsets you about the other boys being mean to him is that it tells him (unfairly) that there's something wrong with your ds being who he is, liking what he likes, behaving how he behaves. I imagine you're afraid that he'll internalise that message and his happiness and self-esteem might suffer.

It's clear that your intentions are good and I know it's awful to see your lovely child being the odd one out. But you have a choice to make here:

You can be one more voice (the most powerful one he knows) reinforcing the hurtful, damaging message that there's something 'wrong' with being a quiet sensitive boy who likes My Little Pony, by making him choose a different reward.

Or you can use your position as his mother, probably the most important person in his whole world, to affirm his choices and his right to be who he is and play with what interests him. You can't keep him entirely safe from being picked on at school (believe me, I understand how much you want to sad) but you can make sure he knows that in his own home, he can be who he is, and nobody is going to judge him for it.

DieWilde13 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:03:11

You know that YABU.

LynetteScavo Mon 04-Mar-13 18:03:26

YABU. Just buy it

If it's a reward, it needs to be something he wants, not want you want him to have.

He's 3 and a half...boys this age dress up in princess clothes at nursery. Seriously.

Badvoc Mon 04-Mar-13 18:04:28

My son does not like aggressive play either, most happy playing with the girls Etc.
What did the pre school do wet to the meanness?

Floggingmolly Mon 04-Mar-13 18:04:52

Both my boys played with their older sister's My Little Ponies at this age and beyond
They particularly favoured the pink ones...

LittleWhiteWolf Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:06

YABU. Toys are for children. End of.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:24

By streetwise I meant stuff like name calling. I suppose I meant unkind really!

Iteotwawki Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:34

Have to say I've never met a streetwise 3 year old. My DS went to nursery 3 days a week at that age, was at home with DH the rest of the time. His favourite dress up was the pink sparkly fairy dress with wand. Not just his either, there were a few boys who raced to the dress up box to be the first to get it. He was 3 and he adored pink/sparkle/glitter, the home corner and play kitchen, baby dolls and prams - we let him enjoy it!

YABU - if it's his choice, it's his choice. And I have pics of sparkly pink fairy DS for his 18th ;)

Notquite Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:59

Leaving aside the toy issue, have you spoken to the pre-school staff about the other children being unkind, sitting alone, wetting himself. Should they not be helping him to play and enjoy himself?

givemeaclue Mon 04-Mar-13 18:06:35

I find it hard to believe that kids that young see your son as "different" in any way. If they are charging around and he isn't then perhaps that is not something he enjoys doing or joins in with, it doesn't mean that he is excluded. He is obviously having friends to play let that Continue and let him enjoy whatever toys he wants.

Yabu! Also why does a three year old need to do chores

zzzzz Mon 04-Mar-13 18:06:52

At three my very stinky masculine son carried Thomas the tank engine everywhere with him, in a pink handbag. Teach him to be proud of who he is, not change who he is to avoid comment.

RubyrooUK Mon 04-Mar-13 18:06:56


My boy toddler loves fairies (thanks Ben & Holly) and magic wands. He took his large collection of magic wands to nursery the other day and all the other boys (aged 2-5) were very impressed as they could all do magic spells. Well, pretend to with lots of shouting and drama, anyway.

He usually goes to full time nursery and it is not my impression that many kids there are "streetwise". Actually boys and girls share almost all the toys and play games together with them so there doesn't seem to be quite as much gender stereotyping as I expected.

So yes, YABU.

Still18atheart Mon 04-Mar-13 18:07:45

I'm in my 20s still find it hard to put clothes in the laundry grin

YABU - get him the toy, It's more important at his age for him to know mummy keeps her promises.

lljkk Mon 04-Mar-13 18:07:48

DS is a brutal vulgar thug, Honestly, even I acknowledge it. Although he's a big girl's blouse, too, bawls the moment he gets pushed over.

He brought this to Toy Day at school when he was in yr1.

No one hassled DS for it. I happen to know several other boys in his year have mountains of cuddlies, too. Usually the best football players.

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