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to tell my friend my DD has been invited to the party or will I look like im rubbing her face in it...

(55 Posts)
cubedmelon Mon 04-Mar-13 10:42:11

My DD (4yo) goes to infant school with a close friends DD. I had to collect DD early from school on Friday but received a text from my friend later that day saying that one of the boys in their class was handing out party invitations but only to the other boys and her DD couldnt understand why it was just boys invited and become a bit upset but my friend had reassured her it was only the boys.

Took DD into school this morning and the teacher had an invitation from the birthday boy for my DD, as she wasn't there on Friday afternoon the class teacher had kept it for her.

DD wants to go and id like her to attend but am concerned about my friends reaction. Am I being unreasonable to just be upfront and say DD has an invite, it will come out anyway im sure or does that look like im rubbing it in? How would you handle it?

My friend is lovely and id hate to upset her but her DD struggles to make friends and shes quite sensitive about DD being invited to things.

cubedmelon Tue 05-Mar-13 19:11:11

Thank you for your replies, its nice to have support.

nickle I don't think I've worded my post as well as I could. I meant I said it in a casual, unimportant way to hopefully make her realise it didnt matter. I didn't say it breezily, like her feelings don't matter.

She's a great friend (usually) and id hate to fall out, I just know this is a sensitive subject with her. It matters to her a lot that her DD is liked and is popular. She does recognise this as a fault (when she is being sensible) and will quite often admit that she needs to care less about her daughter being popular. I think thats why I suspected she would react in this way.

There havent been any other class parties yet, as far as I know, so we havent been through this experience yet. There will be lots of parties coming up soon and she'll start to see other DC not being invited etc and im sure she'll settle down. I think it's because it's the first party.

Ive decided not to mention it again now to her. Let the land lie. Her DH can be a pain but he's very down to earth, maybe if they happen to talk about it tonight he may make her realise shes taking it to heart too much.

Thanks for all your replies though smile

giraffesCantDateDucks Tue 05-Mar-13 19:12:08

She sounds like she needs to get her own life and stop freaking out about her dds social life

nickelbabe Tue 05-Mar-13 20:03:32

okay smile everyone else thought I was being unreasonable anyway. grin
it's possible she's unhinged.
it's also possible that she was bullied as a child and is scared the same thing will happen to her dd.

cubedmelon Wed 06-Mar-13 16:40:37

Maybe nickle she is a very logical person in every other way. I get the impression that she was very popular at school, maybe she's afraid of the unknown (her DD not being popular being the unknown).

Thank you all though for your replies smile

thezebrawearspurple Wed 06-Mar-13 17:00:00

If you like her that much and she's usually normal, it might be a good thing to approach her about her overreaction when she's recovered her sanity. Other parents will avoid inviting her daughter to parties/playdates to escape nonsense from the crazy mother if she keeps it up. She might find herself creating the problem she fears most for her daughter.

You need to get through to her that while you can forgive that because you're her friend and you know and love her, others won't be so indulgent. To them she will just be unnecessary hard work that they can't be bothered tiptoeing around.

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