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to keep insisting that the school uses our correct names?

(107 Posts)
Aika Fri 01-Mar-13 19:30:57

When we married both my husband and I kept our maiden names, him remaining Mr X and me - Ms Y. Our daughter's name is Miss Y-X.

When filling school applications we (obviously) used correct names for all of us, however, the school seems to be very confused and keeps calling my husband either Mr Y or Mr Y-X. At first, we giggled and asked them verbally to change it. Then we called them several times and wrote increasingly more aggressive emails. Yet, every couple of weeks we receive a new letter with a new version of our names, except for the correct one. The latest was the best - Mr and Mrs Firstname Y-X.

My husband used to laugh, but now he takes offence at paying large bills with a wrong name on them.

I am probably being unreasonable, but one would have thought that in the 21st century people should be able to deal with wives and husbands having different names?

onetiredmummy Fri 01-Mar-13 19:36:07

When I was at school, there was a classmate of mine whose dad had left before she was born, she had never known him & the mother had paid all the fees. Yet every single fee & letter was addressed to him!

AgentZigzag Fri 01-Mar-13 19:36:10

It's only my opinion, but I think you're setting yourself up for a fall if you go down the route of this pissing you off.

Of course you're right to expect people to use your correct names, but I'm me people are people and little things can send me them into terminal confusion.

You're just going to get more and more stressed about it if you let it get into your thinking too much, it's not worth it.

livinginwonderland Fri 01-Mar-13 19:37:10

i don't see why it matters so much. getting aggressive over a name is a bit pathetic imo.

onetiredmummy Fri 01-Mar-13 19:37:13

If it bothers you that much OP then refuse to pay any bills that aren't in his correct name?

mummymeister Fri 01-Mar-13 19:37:45

Aika i already got flamed on another thread when i suggested that double barrelling was a bit wanky and always caused trouble. i rest my case and stand back waiting for another flaming. of course they should get your names right.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Fri 01-Mar-13 19:38:26

My husband used to laugh, but now he takes offence at paying large bills with a wrong name on them.

There's your solution. Refuse to pay until they send you a bill with the correct name on. That should focus their minds.

NotADragonOfSoup Fri 01-Mar-13 19:39:26

You are not being unreasonable to expect to be addressed correctly but you are being unreasonable if you're sending aggressive emails.

DonderandBlitzen Fri 01-Mar-13 19:41:16

Yes just say you would like it in the correct name before you will pay it

Twogoodreasons Fri 01-Mar-13 19:41:17

You have gone down an unconventional route - nothing wrong with that - but you would be unreasonable to expect it not to confuse people. However if they always get it wrong, I can see how that would become highly irritating.

LunaticFringe Fri 01-Mar-13 19:41:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaBear17 Fri 01-Mar-13 19:42:30

YANBU. I am a teacher, we have children who have different surnames from their parents or guardians and the admin team always take great pains to get it right. It isnt difficult is it? Dear Mr X and Ms Y, parents of Miss Y-X. See, I just did it! If you have sent emails bringing this to their attention I can only assume they are doing it to wind you up!

Aika Fri 01-Mar-13 19:43:09

mummymeister I know what you mean, but here we are

Twogoodreasons Fri 01-Mar-13 19:44:29

I don't imagine it is the fact that you and your DH have different names that causes the confusion, but the fact that you both have a diffrent name to your DD.

Lovelygoldboots Fri 01-Mar-13 19:45:48

YANBU, it is basic good manners to get someones name right and bloody annoying when you have told them not to do this.

Flojobunny Fri 01-Mar-13 19:47:15

YABU to get aggressive about a name on a school letter. U need to get some perspective.

CremeEggThief Fri 01-Mar-13 19:47:16

YANBU to feel frustrated about this and to keep politely insisting the school should get your names right, but YABU to feel so worked-up about it. I don't think aggressive emails are called for here.

DewDr0p Fri 01-Mar-13 19:47:39

I kept my maiden name when I married too but really I can't get too het up if people get it wrong. Unless it's FIL of course! Grrr.

I'd save your energies tbh

Aika Fri 01-Mar-13 19:50:51

NotADragonOfSoup livinginwonderland

Well, we have not sent any really aggressive emails (yet), more like 'following our previous 59 email we would appreciate if you could take time and ensure that your records reflect our correct names'


Well, I don't mind being called Mrs X, my husband minds being called Mr Y, given that Y has a female ending in my language!

Actually, I am not that bothered, but it's Friday and yet another letter arrived addressed with a wrong name.

Aika Fri 01-Mar-13 19:52:26

Just to clarify the word 'aggressive' was used for comic effect. grin

Aika Fri 01-Mar-13 19:53:35

And I am not being worked-up ... just checking with the mumsnet's collective brain whether I should be grin

AgentZigzag Fri 01-Mar-13 19:56:56

'Pathetic' is a bit strong livingin, I'm not bothered myself, but some do take it personally when others seemingly can't be bothered to get the name the person they're contacting right. Maybe because everyone's name is so personal to them?

My mum is a stickler for names etc, but I couldn't care less what people call me or the DDs, so long as it's polite grin Just makes me think of Trigger calling Rodney Dave all the time grin things get stuck in your head and sometimes they're wrong, I doubt any of it is done on purpose.

kinkyfuckery Fri 01-Mar-13 19:57:19

I can count the number of occasions that I've received correspondence from school with my name on it on one hand, it's certainly not a regular occurrence. If anything, things typically say a generic "Dear parent".

As long as they get your DD's name correct, what's the big deal?

Hassled Fri 01-Mar-13 20:01:23

My DCs' schools have always managed the Mr X and Ms Y and the young X-Ys thing fine, so I don't see why yours can't. It's not difficult - they will have some sort of database of parents/children details (your talk of fees makes me think it's a private school - there is a standard database that state schools use).

countrykitten Fri 01-Mar-13 20:02:59

kinkyfuckery fee bills do not go out with 'Dear Parent' on them and the school should be getting this right. OP you are right to be annoyed but maybe angry emails is not the way forward. Request a bill in the right name and don't pay it until you get it, as others have said - this will sharpen them up a bit!

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