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To think babies can't be spoilt?

(66 Posts)
Softlysoftly Thu 28-Feb-13 15:18:33

Just that really. Should have stayed out of it but just got involved in a conversation about putting babies in/on something most of the time so they don't get "spoilt" by being cuddled.

AIBU that cuddling a baby won't ruin them for life.

We are talking weeks old btw not once sitting/crawling

PurplePidjin Thu 28-Feb-13 19:21:48

Babies need to be held in order to form a secure attachment to their primary caregiver (usually mum) or they don't feel safe. A human baby left alone too long thinks it's about to be eaten by a wild animal or starve/freeze to death - they cry to get their needs met.

I wonder how many modern mental health issues are caused or exacerbated by keeping babies at arms length from such a young age? I know the overwhelming response from ladies of a certain age to seeing ds in his sling is positive and slightly wistful!

5madthings Thu 28-Feb-13 19:24:42

Yadnbu, they are little for such a short time make the most of the cuddles I say, my eldest is 13 and bigger than me, I miss the days I sat snuggling a baby with their fluffy hair tickling my chin.

Two yr old dd is still very cuddly and my boys do all still do cuddles, but newborn cuddles are so lovely and precious smile

Bluetinkerbell Thu 28-Feb-13 20:04:06

I wear my daughter in a sling most of the time, she loves it. She mostly falls asleep on me and we love our cuddles smile
Today an elderly lady said to me, oh I wish you put her down in a pram. I just replied that I like to keep her close and she loves it.
It's very beneficial for babies being kept close and cuddled! smile

SolomanDaisy Thu 28-Feb-13 20:15:18

mrsstewpot, I wonder if we met the same SCBU nurse? I am still angry!

leonardofquirm Thu 28-Feb-13 20:34:24

an elderly lady was a bit shock when she saw me with enormous 10 month old DS2 in the carrier. But she then smiled and said "oh you can have a wee conversation". grin

I am still front carrying as I've not got the hang of getting him on my back yet. I'll miss his wee hair tickling my nose.

Touch wood my boys have both been quite smily, I also put that down to plenty of cuddles. smile

McNewPants2013 Thu 28-Feb-13 20:43:35

so how does a spoiled baby react.

Softlysoftly Thu 28-Feb-13 20:44:49

There are some really sad stories here bloody people who can't keep their noses out sad

It just pissed me off as the conversation was with a girl I know who's young, a full time carer for her lazy fucking father and skivvy to her brother being told to use a bouncer from birth by her mates so she can get on with the house work and babies shouldn't get used to cuddles anyway. She agreed she didn't have time for a spoilt baby sad

She has no female influence as her mother left when she was little and never bothers with her and I only know her through dd1s old nursery (she was an assistant)

everydayaschoolday Thu 28-Feb-13 20:47:28

YADNBU. Lots of cuddles will make them feel secure.

Softlysoftly Thu 28-Feb-13 20:47:53

I should say that I have had a chat and hopefully made it clear I'm there for help/advice whenever and she needs to kick the males in her family into shape before the reality of a newborn.

I may have also gently rudely mentioned to the advisors they were wrong prats. grin

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 28-Feb-13 20:51:27

YADNBU, I loved cuddling DD when she was a baby, even now at 5 sometimes i just like to snuggle with her, nothing wrong with cuddling, i think it makes children more secure, because they've had that attention and felt loved.

carameldecaflatte Thu 28-Feb-13 20:54:22


If I hear "rod for my own back" one more time angry I cuddle my 8 month old all the time, he comes to me for a cuddle then crawls off to play/chase a terrified cat. He still sleeps in my arms for his morning nap and I will not give it up until he wants to. He sleeps 10-12 hours a night in his cot with no problems.

And country kitten, you have my vote!

laughinglemons Thu 28-Feb-13 21:00:49

Yayy I love this thread smile
No you can't spoil a baby - without love, cuddles, attention the won't grow / develop.
Holding them and sleeping with them has been shown to be beneficial.
Read Kiss Me, carlos gonzalez
I kiss and cuddle DD 7 months all the time smile
Have horrid MIL who thinks I am making a rod for my own back. Grrrr

GoatBongosAnonymous Thu 28-Feb-13 21:00:51

mrsstewpot had that SCBU nurse not heard of kangaroo care?? confused

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 03-Mar-13 13:56:17

Cuddling gives a baby a sense of security, wellbeing and love, they need it, if you cant rely on your parents for a cuddle, who can you rely on.

My DD at 5 still sleeps with my t-shirts that i've worn that day, because its my smell and she feels safe with it.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 03-Mar-13 14:29:07


Anybody who bangs on about spoilt baby's or rods for backs and good or bad baby's,is stupid

CheungFun Sun 03-Mar-13 14:34:21

I agree OP, babies can't be spoilt, but mums need to know it's ok to put a crying baby down for a few minutes to go to the toilet too :-)

DS is now 14 months and I'm so pleased he's learnt to kiss, it's the best thing in the world! He's not into cuddling except when he's ill, so I'm happy to lie down and cuddle up with him when he's poorly.

TotallyBursar Sun 03-Mar-13 15:01:00

All of mine have been held, hugged, snuggled, rocked and talked to almost constantly. By both of us.
We kept them close & never had feeding or sleeping problems bar our SN son that suffered badly with colic & reflux and keeping him up in a sling & close to my body was definitely best for him. I was constantly told he should be put down even after I said it causes him unnecessary pain and I wasn't going to.

I have happy, secure and independent children that are kind and give/receive affection freely. Most importantantly for me is they are happy in their own skin & confident to explore the world without me & without anxiety - I still haven't had any pokes from that rod.
I know lots of parents don't want to parent the way we do & I keep my beak out I have enough to concentrate on with my own children. I don't mind answering questions but otherwise wish others would do the same.

VodkaJelly Sun 03-Mar-13 15:20:47

My DD is 8 weeks old and I love cuddling her, if she cries I pick her up, if she is grumbly I pick her up. God help anybody who used that crock of shit about spoiling/rod for own back/wrapped round finger with me.

She is a little tiny baby who needs comfort and reassurance and I will pick her up anytime she wants.

She now likes to self settle at bed times and will happily go to her cot when still awake and drift off to sleep without being held. When she is awake I will cuddle her all the time because I love her.

MyDarlingClementine Sun 03-Mar-13 16:03:55

isnt it gina ford who espouses all this babys musnt be pandered too crap?

PickleSarnie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:11:25

Shhhhhhhhhh, clememtine. She who must not be named will come and put a curse on you causing you to adhere to a strict routine for all eternity.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 03-Mar-13 18:21:26

What drill sergent type woman came up with that crap anyway.

Chottie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:22:52

I always cuddled my babies all the time. I think it made them feel secure and loved. I still love cuddling my DC even though they are grown up smile

MrsReiver Sun 03-Mar-13 18:28:34

DS2 is 9 days old, and yesterday a friend of mine told me not to cuddle him too much or he'll "start to expect it all the time."

On Friday the lollipop woman at DS1's school asked "is he good?" I replied "of course he's good, he's a week old, he can't be naughty"

She replied "no I mean, does he sleep well?" again I replied "no, he's a week old - they don't usually sleep very well"

She shot back "well my weans slept through at that age"

So I retorted with "This one doesn't - he's normal, not naughty" and I stomped off shaking my head.

She wasn't impressed, I'll be walking a different way to get DS1 from now on grin

TattyDevine Sun 03-Mar-13 18:28:52

Generally I'd agree. Few exceptions; some older babies respond well to just having a pat and a shhhh in the middle of the night to help get them back to sleep on their own; this is a valuable skill to have, whether its babies, parents or grandmas, as my mother said!!! (she has trouble with this!!! - possibly for other reasons but a valid point)

Second; in the hospital with 2nd child, cuddling her CONSTANTLY, and she wasn't feeding AT ALL. Midwife told us off (both of us, who were hogging her totally grin ) and said "she thinks she's still in the womb and doesn't need food". She had a point - we put her in her crib thing, removed a blanket, and about 40 minutes later she perked up and realised she needed some grub grin and that her umbillical cord had been rudely severed from herself.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 03-Mar-13 18:31:28

Reiver Ugh, why do people feel the bloody need to compete with their childrens developement, so her kids were sleeping through at a week old, bully for her, all children are different. and your friend, what an idiot.

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