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To think that it's not ok for 6-year olds to lie?

(32 Posts)
cantreachmytoes Mon 25-Feb-13 01:19:28

..or any other age, for that matter!

Just had 6 (nearly 7) year old nephew stay for the weekend. I don't know any children that age, which is why I'm asking, but he told lots of little lies over the time, many of them were over him doing things he wanted and knew the answer would be no to if he asked (for a good reason too!), or just that he shouldn't be doing, then blaming it on my 16 month old son. He always did them when my DH or I were out of sight ie gone to the loo, getting a cup of tea etc.

He's an incredibly indulged little boy by his parents and wider family (my ILs) and my husband let him away with the lies each time. I didn't. Just said that DS couldn't have done X because he doesn't know how to, but didn't make a massive deal. Incidentally, he stopped the lies to me by the end of the weekend, not to DH.

Is this just something 6/7 year olds do and grow out of, or AIBU to think that it's not ok and should be pointed out? I ultimately would be upset if one day DS stayed with people (relatives or not) and did what nephew did.

tedmundo Tue 26-Feb-13 13:42:38

My 6 yr old lies and it gets worse if they think you are going to be cross with them. I take the angle that its braver to tell the truth, even if it is hard to do so, and that I will be very proud of him for being brave.

The hard bit is not to then be pissed off at whatever the confession is!

DonderandBlitzen Tue 26-Feb-13 13:50:01

My dd is nearly 6 and she lies. This thread has reminded me I need to read up on how best to deal with it actually as i don't find it acceptable. I do always call her on it, but it hasnt stopped it. I don't remember my elder dd going through this stage. She's always been quite truthful i think.

cantreachmytoes Tue 26-Feb-13 19:06:03

Golden - I have no problem with him eating different food at family gatherings, or for the family to eat different food so he eats the same. It's more that if he's wanting to watch cartoons, then during a family dinner (as in extended family who have travelled for 3+ hours, sometimes from overseas) we have to leave the TV on during the meal, loud enough for him to hear. If the table has been set so the host can get to the kitchen easily and he's wants her seat, then she has to give him her seat, making her jump over people to get out to the kitchen. If he wants to go out when the family has decided to stay in for the afternoon, then suddenly we're all going for a walk. If he wants to open Christmas presents at a certain time, that's what happens. It's nothing to do with allergies/intolerances/asthma, it's just being indulged! There are other grandchildren around at these meals and events too, but their needs are ALWAYS secondary, including the babies. Any attempt to deal with him equally to the other children, is over ruled by his parents, mother especially - and the family are too scared of the wrath of his mother to change the situation. She is an entire thread of her own though!

I don't expect any child to do what they're told (I didn't - and still don't!), I guess it's all about gentle steering over the long term. I just found the number of lies in a short period strange and unnecessary, and having not been around lots of that age group, I really don't know what is 'normal' and wasn't sure if pointing out (not reprimanding) that what he said couldn't be true, was a decent way to go about dealing with it.

tedmundo I can absolutely see myself in that position in a few years time!!

Saski Tue 26-Feb-13 19:16:35

My kids have lots of meandering stories that change as they are re-told, I think it's normal. Reality is different for a 6 year old than an adult, there's quite a lot of crazy interpretations.

Also, kids are mortified at the prospect of getting in trouble with people other than their own parents, this might contribute.

cantreachmytoes Tue 26-Feb-13 20:06:37

I don't think he's ever got into trouble with any of the family members - ever!

I'm thinking that things like coming into the room when he knew I was sleeping and then saying my DS opened the door was a childlike way to get attention from me, using the lie as an 'opener'. It wasn't malicious and seems (to me) kind of pointless, so that's my only explanation. Sadly, I didn't think of that at the time as I was too tired and just wanted to sleep!

cantreachmytoes Tue 26-Feb-13 20:09:32

Have to say though, that while I don't think I will ever agree with how he is treated by the larger family, I do think that my expectations were too high and I could have been more sympathetic. If I had been less tired and able to give him more attention, then I wonder if there'd have been so many lies..but then again, that would be in the area of pandering like the rest of the family. No lies, but then everything goes his way.

mum11970 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:15:35

My dss (19) lies continually and he's bloomin rubbish at it, drives us mad. Arghh.

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