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To be pissed off at the way my mum mollycoddles my brother.

(56 Posts)
CelticPixie Sun 24-Feb-13 15:32:59

My brother is almost 30 and still lives at home with my parents. Despite having a good job he lives there rent free and does pretty much sod all to help about the house. My mum does everything for him. She cooks, does his washing and his ironing. He apparently cannot do these things for himself even though you could train a performing chimp to operate a washer and iron some clothes. He can't even make a doctors appointment for himself, she has to do it for him.

He treats the house like a hotel coming and doing as he pleases. He drives a top of the range almost new sports car, holidays several times a year, eats outs with his girlfriend several times a week and wears designer clothes all the while telling people that he can't afford to move out! But you can't reason with my mum at all about it, she is blinkered when it comes to her golden boy. She refuses to criticise him and jumps on anyone who does. I know my dad agrees with me because he's told me as much when my mums not about but has learned to keep schtum for a quiet life. If he starts on golden boy he's accused of picking on him!

I get on well with my mum most of the time, but I hate seeing her used a personal maid when she's not getting any younger herself. She has bad arthritis and has been ill with depression and stress in recent years. I'm struggling to hold my tongue, but I know if I say something my brother will never speak to me again because he's that kind of person.

What to do?????

RivalSibling Sun 24-Feb-13 22:49:25

My bro was like this at home. Now married, he does very little around the house but tells everyone who listens that he does 'everything'. My mum just gave up when he was younger - I think that for her there was more shame in bringing up an incapable daughter than a lazy son, so I got all the chores and crap and never a thank you.

Benby Mon 25-Feb-13 00:29:40

Ah girls my brother was like this only he was engaged, had a son and had bought a house of his own with his fiancé. My mam was filling the fridge every week and he was eating it not handing up any money. He also treated my mam like she was stupid and would be telling her he told her stuff when he didn't and she must of forgot he told her. He was a pig to her. She finally copped on and told him she was selling her house to live with me, he showed his true colours then.
He told my mam she was making him homeless like wtf and what about his inheritance and all this stuff, called me a big bitch he even sent my mam a solicitors letter to try and stop her selling.
Mam doesn't talk to him anymore and she gave him nothing from the sale of the house and wrote him out of her will.
She was devastated when she realised he only wanted the house and didn't care about her but until my mam had her light bulb moment when she decided to sell I couldn't tell her what my brother was like as she wouldn't hear it of him so I had to stand by and let her come to her own realisation of what he was like.
I just let her know myself and dh were there for her when she was ready and she hasn't looked back since the house sold

MidnightMasquerader Mon 25-Feb-13 06:37:34

I agree with HazelnutinCaramel - you need to take a different tactic. Instead of getting impotently annoyed by him, laugh at him.

Give him shit about the low wage he must be on, not to be able to afford to move out of home. Tell him that there are very few things less sexy than an adult male who still lives with the parents. Who's never even travelled and had to fend for himself.

Throw around words like 'sad case' 'pathetic', 'loser', 'mummy's boy', etc. really wind him up and laugh at him. Make him feel foolish and hit him where it hurts - in his ego.

Does his girlfriend cook and wash for him when your parents go away? Please say no...

coralanne Mon 25-Feb-13 06:46:20

There's really nothing you can or should do.

Friend's DD has a BIL exactly like this and they stress over the very same things.

Friend's DD "hates" her BIL.

I told my friend that it is nothing to do with them and if the Mother is prepared to put up with itall then that is her choice.

Ihave a really hugh home and live in it by myself. DS who is 25 shares a home with two friends.

He said "I'm too old to be living at home with my Mum," It wouldn't worry me as he would have a self contained part of the house.

He mows my lawns every week. Comes every day while I'm at work and takes the dogs for a walk. I cook him a baked dinner on Wednesday (my day off) and we sit and chat about the week.

coralanne Mon 25-Feb-13 06:48:50

Make that a huge house

MidnightMasquerader Mon 25-Feb-13 06:48:56

My Dad says that anyone worth their salt leaves home at 18. shock

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