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To feel stronger as a wife than as a girlfriend or partner

(44 Posts)
Beaverfeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 23:01:46

Just in my own mind of course.

But since grtting married and becoming a wife I have felt empowered to do or request things I wouldn't have nessecarily done or felt I could do otherwise

For example: a car we bought a year ago was mid sold to us and we have been fighting ever since for some sort of compensation, refund or other.
When I say we, I mean he.
However, I realised, companies are often more scared of the wife than they are of a complaining husband.

It might not be the case for all but I feel sometimes that women can often be more articulate that their male counterparts.

And I have proved myself in the past two weeks.

I reopened a complaint that was never resolved to my satisfaction with a holiday company last year. One phone call of me explaining Bucky that I was the disappointed wife and that I felt that mg husbands case had unfairly been dismissed.
A week later we receive a letter of credit for the holiday.

Then with the car. My husband has been meeting up with the dealer on and off for over 11 months to come to a suitable resolution to no avail.
I have sent a politely worded email, expressing disgust at the way the complaint was handled, received an email back immediately telling me the company would not move on the matter and so have forwarded the dispute to trading standards, who today confirmed that we are in the right and that they will be taking our case on.

I feel empowered.

As someone who was very nervous and unworthy of taking the 'wife' title, I think I have done well so far.

Just need to see if the request for a payrise from my employer is fruitful for it to be a hat trick


Don't let those bastard companies get away with it!

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 23-Feb-13 17:11:47

So you are trying to say that you are percieved as stronger now you are married?

I wanted to disagree in the most uncertain terms but i hated being a "miss" it sounded quite vulnerable. But my DP didn't want to get married so I did a PhD instead blush Embarrased to admit taht that was genuinely one of the reasons i did it!

My DP does tend to leave the arguing to me though - im far better at it than he is and he calls me his rotweiller grin But ive always been a bit of a bolshie bitch to be honest. Which is weird because i have zero self confidence.

I dont think it is a depressing thread - I am a strong woman who suffers from anxiety disorder (go figure!) and I definately feel stronger in a partnership where i get support and comfort. Im not married though. I dont think its about being "married" its about having someone who is there for you.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 23-Feb-13 17:05:16

i disagree, im a partner. not a fiance or wife and i manage to be articulate and ask for what i want. i make the phone calls to buisness, i deal with complaints not because im a woman but because im better at laying out what has gone wrong and what needs to be done. I think that dp would see it as too much hassle and leave it be if he had to speak to someone for any length of time hes more of an emailer.

Id be the same ballsy cow if i were a wife, partner or single though.

ElliesWellies Sat 23-Feb-13 16:44:37

Seems to me you are mixing up wife with woman.

You are saying companies seem to take women more seriously. I don't agree with that anyway, but where does marital status come into it?

I am glad you feel confident, but basing your confidence purely on your relationship to someone else could lead to problems later on.

SilverOldie Sat 23-Feb-13 14:11:39

I feel strong as a single person. Independent, self-reliant, self motivated, not reliant on anyone else who may or may not let me down.

LahleeMooloo Sat 23-Feb-13 13:19:14

Actually I've always taken my strength and sense of independence from being alone for many years (apart from throw away relationships) and being a single parent. There are many times when I've WANTED someone to rely on, and I haven't had them, so I've had to sort it out. That makes me feel empowered and capable and I like seeing how much I've grown over the years and how I've done things along I didn't think possible. I know what whatever happens with men, I will always be fine because I have such a strong inner core from being alone.

PrettyKitty1986 Sat 23-Feb-13 12:59:26

Df isn't very good at arguing via the phone, whereas I am any call centre workers nightmare and usually manage to get what I want smile

I frequently deal with things for df and no wedding ring in sight smile

seeker Sat 23-Feb-13 10:32:30

And they say the's no need for feminism any more.......

Guitargirl Sat 23-Feb-13 10:27:57

I think it'a wonderful that you have more confidence now and feel stronger.

But please don't credit that to being someone's wife. Do you honestly think that it matters one tiny ounce to those companies that it's Mrs somebody who is complaining on behalf of Mr Somebody?

I have seen women who put their entire sense of identity into their relationship (married or not) and have seen what happens to that identity when that relationship breaks down. Don't become that person.

zwischenzug Sat 23-Feb-13 10:19:26

If that's what gives you strength, then good for you, make the most of it. Some people believe that an invisible man in the sky gives them strength, and the consensus amongst most people is that that is totally normal, so nothing wrong with you taking strength for something more tangible.

Fightlikeagirl Sat 23-Feb-13 10:14:05

Glad you've come through your difficulties Beaver
Good for you.

mameulah Sat 23-Feb-13 10:10:05


I totally agree with you. Enjoy it!

usualsuspect Sat 23-Feb-13 09:55:45

In fact the thought of being taken more seriously because I'm someone's wife is wrong on so many levels.

usualsuspect Sat 23-Feb-13 09:53:17

I don't think it's anyone's business what my marital status is.So no I don't understand your op.

hwjm1945 Sat 23-Feb-13 09:46:18

I know what she means. Society does seem to t as me 'wife' more seriously than partner.rightly or wrongly,with her past history this prob helps her validate self.hopefully after fee years of it she will be confident enough to not need this crutch

HoobleDooble Sat 23-Feb-13 09:29:50

I sort of get what you mean OP, I didn't marry until my mid 30s and had dealt with 'life' on my own pretty well up until then, bought houses, cars, fought my corner at work etc. But now I'm married I feel a type of security in my relationship that I didn't have before, which in turn makes me feel stronger in other areas of my life.

Lovelygoldboots Sat 23-Feb-13 09:15:57

I think your feelings of strength have come from surviving traumatic incidents in your life and recognizing that you deserve to be happy. And you clearly now can deal with sorting out those messy annoying bits of life. You are more independent than you think.

ChestyLeRoux Sat 23-Feb-13 09:13:25

I sort of get what you mean as people do treat you significantly different if your married.I have always found it really funny as as soon as me or dh have said we are married people see us as sensible,someone to look up to,people say why cant you be like chesty and dh they are so responsible etc.

carabos Sat 23-Feb-13 09:09:44

nervous and unworthy of taking the "wife" title hmm.
unworthy ? Words fail me.

StillSeekingSpike Sat 23-Feb-13 09:04:25

Of course, the even more depressing conclusion is that SOME bastard companies are quite willing to treat single women like shite.

Beaver- as said above - give yourself credit. You were never 'unworthy' to be a wife, or to be treated as less than very precious and important by anyone- whatever yor marital status.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 08:55:02

Sorry to hear you've have such a traumatic time beaver, it takes a lot to recover from something like that.

I think you should give yourself credit for that - not meant snippily!

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 08:50:42

Well personally, I feel more "empowered" (bloody irritating buzz word) at being able to sort things out by myself and being independent.

Why do you need a man to give you confidence?

Bobyan Fri 22-Feb-13 23:30:11

And what happens to your confidence if your marriage doesn't work out...

RedHelenB Fri 22-Feb-13 23:28:30

I found the opposite - I felt more empowered & independent when I divorced cos I HAD to do things myself (like drive long distances whereas before I was perfectly happy to let ex do it) I hadn't realised quite how much I'd let go of the reins as it were, it's very easy to get reliant on someone.

sarahseashell Fri 22-Feb-13 23:24:43

although good for you of course having come through traumatic circumstances

sarahseashell Fri 22-Feb-13 23:23:40

I agree -take credit for your own accomplishments rather than attributing them to your marriage

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