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To feel stronger as a wife than as a girlfriend or partner

(44 Posts)
Beaverfeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 23:01:46

Just in my own mind of course.

But since grtting married and becoming a wife I have felt empowered to do or request things I wouldn't have nessecarily done or felt I could do otherwise

For example: a car we bought a year ago was mid sold to us and we have been fighting ever since for some sort of compensation, refund or other.
When I say we, I mean he.
However, I realised, companies are often more scared of the wife than they are of a complaining husband.

It might not be the case for all but I feel sometimes that women can often be more articulate that their male counterparts.

And I have proved myself in the past two weeks.

I reopened a complaint that was never resolved to my satisfaction with a holiday company last year. One phone call of me explaining Bucky that I was the disappointed wife and that I felt that mg husbands case had unfairly been dismissed.
A week later we receive a letter of credit for the holiday.

Then with the car. My husband has been meeting up with the dealer on and off for over 11 months to come to a suitable resolution to no avail.
I have sent a politely worded email, expressing disgust at the way the complaint was handled, received an email back immediately telling me the company would not move on the matter and so have forwarded the dispute to trading standards, who today confirmed that we are in the right and that they will be taking our case on.

I feel empowered.

As someone who was very nervous and unworthy of taking the 'wife' title, I think I have done well so far.

Just need to see if the request for a payrise from my employer is fruitful for it to be a hat trick


Don't let those bastard companies get away with it!

Beaverfeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 23:04:38

And yes - maybe trading standards might not get the resolution we are looking for, but it certainly shows the garage that we aren't willing to give up on the matter and that we aren't scared of taking things further.

I will be satisfied once trading standards tell me there is nothing more that can be done (or that they come back with a successful claim of conpensation!)

sarahseashell Fri 22-Feb-13 23:07:15


HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 23:08:35

Really? I've always been more than capable of dealing with my own financial issues and I'd not have married a weak man who looked to me to sort out his problems.

Bobyan Fri 22-Feb-13 23:09:54

So you need a man signing the same piece of paper as you to make you feel empowered. Errr okay then.

Lifeissweet Fri 22-Feb-13 23:10:54

Very odd

SoleSource Fri 22-Feb-13 23:11:11

You mean you were hiding your true self for the wedding ring. hmm

GloryWhole Fri 22-Feb-13 23:11:54

Erm...i've been a wife, i've been a girlfriend, i've been a partner - can't say i felt 'stronger' having the label of 'wife'. But i've also never been with a man who would put up with having to meet someone on and off for 11 months to resolve an issue!

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Feb-13 23:12:30

What on earth does any of that have to do with you being a wife? confused

Beaverfeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 23:12:41

As I said above, it might be just me. He bought the car, he booked the holiday, he dealt with the consequences and I didn't want to tread on toes.
Now I feel I can take control.

I have been a weak character in the past so I was just sharing at how far I feel I have come, a d hopefully will no slip back into my old ways of being afraid of big multi billion pound companies

HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 23:13:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 23:14:30

misread your line there - have reported my post on account of it grabbing hold of the wrong end of the stick

poachedeggs Fri 22-Feb-13 23:14:47

Boggling here.

Bobyan Fri 22-Feb-13 23:15:02

So your self confidence is reliant on being married.
This tread is unintentionally depressing.

Beaverfeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 23:16:17

My intimidation from earlier days is not something i am proud of

I am confident now

On my own and as a pair, and it hasn't been easy.

Small steps as they say, and there is still some way for me to go until I am fully comfortable without that niggling feeling that I am not strong enough to sort these things out

CloudsAndTrees Fri 22-Feb-13 23:20:48

I understand where you are coming from. I think.

I feel something more than I used to feel when talking to people who I used to feel patronised by, but I'm not quote sure that empowered describes it. Maybe in some way stronger, or more likely to be taken seriously, but I wouldn't say I've ever been weak or felt threatened in any way. I look younger than I am, so I think being a mrs makes others see me as less of a young girl and more of a woman.

Beaverfeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 23:21:09

Bobyan : I was a very confident child.
I then got into situations that I blamed myself for. Was gang raped and refused to accept that it wasn't 100% my fault.
That was over 10 years ago and I never realised back then how much it would affect me for years to come.
I lost confidence in everything.
I have been building it up for 10 years and I can honestly say that the last 2 years have been the first time I have felt myself and strong enough as a person again.
I hid from the world, hid from friends, even from family.

Now I feel unstoppable and I hope no one takes that away from me ever again

RatPants Fri 22-Feb-13 23:21:49

Anything which helps your self confidence must be a positive.

But tying your self esteem up in how you define your relationship to someone else is dodgy ground. What if (entirely for example's sake) he went through some kind of crisis and left you, through no fault of your own? That's your entire identity crumbled. You'd have to start again from scratch.

StuffezLaBouche Fri 22-Feb-13 23:22:19

Beaver, why can't you feel empowered as a woman, or person? Why does your marital status come into it? Sorry to piss on your chips, but us single people have to be strong and fight our corners alone ALL the time.
Agree - unintentionally depressing.

sarahseashell Fri 22-Feb-13 23:23:40

I agree -take credit for your own accomplishments rather than attributing them to your marriage

sarahseashell Fri 22-Feb-13 23:24:43

although good for you of course having come through traumatic circumstances

RedHelenB Fri 22-Feb-13 23:28:30

I found the opposite - I felt more empowered & independent when I divorced cos I HAD to do things myself (like drive long distances whereas before I was perfectly happy to let ex do it) I hadn't realised quite how much I'd let go of the reins as it were, it's very easy to get reliant on someone.

Bobyan Fri 22-Feb-13 23:30:11

And what happens to your confidence if your marriage doesn't work out...

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 08:50:42

Well personally, I feel more "empowered" (bloody irritating buzz word) at being able to sort things out by myself and being independent.

Why do you need a man to give you confidence?

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 08:55:02

Sorry to hear you've have such a traumatic time beaver, it takes a lot to recover from something like that.

I think you should give yourself credit for that - not meant snippily!

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