To sound panicked when my child is rushed into hospital(133 Posts)
Okay, your views please ladies. My children had both gone off to a half term activity this morning and whilst there my eldest got his finger trapped in the hinge of a door. The course leader had tried to get hold of me but the message had gone straight through to voice mail because the signal is pretty crap where we live. Anyway, he then tried to call a few of the other parents who knew us so someone could come and pick him up. Anyway, one of the parents finally managed to get through to my husband at work, who then called me. This time my phone actually rang and he told me that DS had been taken to hospital by a friend of ours. Cue me going 'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital. His response was to shout 'listen to me, listen to me, stop over-reacting. I can go. Don't tell me I can't handle this'. (which I never once said at all). I told him it was nothing to do with him, it was about me wanting to be with my child when he has been taken into hospital. He continued to argue the toss as to why I was over-reacting, whilst I continued picking stuff up and getting into my car. Sorry, but does anyone think I was overreacting to say what I said and rush to see my child who had been taken into hospital. I really can't see how I was over-reacting. He, however, made the whole experience so much more stressful than it needed to me by being an utter arse. He has really pissed me off over this.
In reality the Op's posts are all about an underlying issue with her Dh and not really about the injury to the child.
I can unfortunately speak from experience, that what Mrs DV is saying is true, parents of very sick children hold it together in public because to not to would upset the child they want to protect.
sorry, didn't realise thread had moved on
I agree that there is no point in beating ourselves up over times when we haven't reacted perfectly
I just felt that if somebody always has the same reactions (like my dad) and it always makes life more difficult for people in trouble, then I for one wouldn't like to feel they are taking this as a positive sign of their great love rather than as something to be conquered
it is not positive for the somewhat older child who is reluctant to tell the adult of a problem because they have countless memories of earlier freakings out
spent last summer at my dad's with a teen with mh problems who would not allow her grandfather to be told "because I can't bear his sad face"
she returned considerably more ill than she left
I remember those feelings from my childhood, not wanting to show an injury or tell about illness, because the reaction caused much more stress around us
The bit that makes me thin that the OP is being a bit unreasonable with regards to her husband, is when in a later post she says that he broke a childs leg "by landing on it", that sounds like an accident to me, a father wouldn't break a childs leg on purpose (and if he would the children shouldn't be living with him).
It is like me saying that DH threw DD1 down the stairs and broke her leg in three places, what actually happened was he was carrying her down stairs when they both fell, he broke his ribs and she broke her leg in 3 places. It was an accident. The fact it happened to him and not me was just pure chance and doesn't make me a better parent than him.
I do think people learn to cope to an extend. Thankfully we have never had anything to the extent mrs Devere has but DS was first in hopsital at 8 weeks old and when your asked "has he been christened" you soon realise how bad things are. He is 3 now and has had over 30 a and e trips a lot ending up on the ward. When it's part of life you have to cope, if I panic DS will and that makes things worse for everyone. Inside you can be a mess but you have to hide that side from children.
I think the post which suggested that panicing shows you love your child was, unintentionally, quite disrespectful because part of being a parent is protecting your child from your concerns.
FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 23-Feb-13 13:18:44
"Well..you know him well...but I wouldn't assume he cared less just because he couldn't be a stoic person "
I knew he didn't care less but he made my life more difficult at times when I needed support.
Have to say my DH is super competent with DD though
Ok..maybe I skim read too much. Guess I am just sensitive as I haven't always coped as well as I could have.
I certainly know you are very sympathetic. My point was that its not always easy to be the adult even if you know its best for the child. But yes, clearly we should strive for that.
Many others were uber critical of the OP calling her a selfish drama queen etc though. Which I disagree with.
I do understand why you'd want to rush there. However, from what you've said, it sounds like he feels you've got no confidence in him or his ability to deal with situations. Have you ever told him or intimated to him before that he can't deal with things as well as you do?
My daughter has a minor long term (thankfully easily treated) disease for which we spent a day in A&E this week and reading this thread left me quite keyed up. I can't begin to imagine how you feel. I'm really not sure what I am trying to say but I hope you aren't giving it the head space it doesn't deserve.
Well..you know him well...but I wouldn't assume he cared less just because he couldn't be a stoic person
I suppose I am thinking about it from the viewpoint of the child- and I did use to judge my dad (much as I loved him). Being ill or in pain and feeling you have to protect somebody else who isn't is not a pleasant position to be in. I was angry with him because I had to waste my strength on being brave for his sake.
FanjoForTheMammaries I understand that. It is incredibly hard to remain calm, and it doesn't make you a bad parent if you start panicking.
Everyone reacts differently to that rush of adrenaline and it can be incredibly difficult to overcome that.
Sorry..that was epic..am on a train.
What I am saying is..we are all different, don't judge people harshly for not being able to hold it together
When I was stressing it wasnt making it all about me..was doing my best to be calm for DD but it proved difficult. No way am I a drama queen in that way.
My DH acts arsey in those situations too. We just move on afterwards and accept we were both stressed.
My child has been seriously unwell and lost all her speech and some motor skills. We were told it was progressive. .which thankfully was wrong. At that time I wasnt very calm and found it hard to hold it together.
When my DD hurt her finger and had to go to hospital I was quite stressed too.
Doesn't mean I care for her less. Just that I am less strong in some circumstances. .we are all products or our upbringing.
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