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Friend offered me a lift but didn't take me to my destination...

(114 Posts)
sweetestB Fri 22-Feb-13 10:25:46

The facts: Friend was bringing dd home from a class she is doing with friend's dd. I go wait for them outside as I want to go straight to visit someone. Friend insists to give me a lift there as it is too cold ( I don't drive and I walk, take public transport everywhere, so not a big deal). I than accepted the lift for a chance of a quickly catch up and friend says she needs to drop off another little girl first (dd of her other friend)
Fine. But afterwards friend says she now has to go pick up her other child from another friend's place and can she leave me there as it's close to my destination anyway?
Of course, I said, but inside I was very confused as all the places were within walking distance , and yes where she left me it's a bit closer to my destination but didn't make that much difference.
I'm grateful she offered my dd a lift from the class but this was the deal anyway so they could attend the class together.
...I also was supposed to bring the girls to the class every morning by bus, but she changed last minute I don't know why. I still went with my dd every morning as I had to go that direction anyway.

Before start drip feeding I'm not sure if I have a massive chip on my shoulder but over the years I started to wonder if said friend do little things now and than to kind of humiliated me ( and re-assure herself) or if is my inferiority complex shining through...

Coconutty Fri 22-Feb-13 10:27:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbadbarry Fri 22-Feb-13 10:27:56

Maybe she wanted a catch up too? It seems odd though, I'd have taken you to the door smile

Skullnbones Fri 22-Feb-13 10:28:30

I think you are over thinking it

claudedebussy Fri 22-Feb-13 10:29:05

is odd.

sounds like she had good intentions but ran out of time. not what i would have done!

sweetestB Fri 22-Feb-13 10:32:19

I will probably drip feed with other little things that are coming back to my mind, so we can have a verdict maybe

mmmuffins Fri 22-Feb-13 10:32:56

Bit weird, perhaps she just didn't think about how helpful the lift actually was, especially if she doesn't walk much herself? Not sure how much you should read into it.

FruOla Fri 22-Feb-13 10:34:36

I don't think she means to humiliate you; I agree with claude, it sounds like she started out with good intentions of dropping you where you were going, but then realised she was running out of time when she had to pick up her other child.

I'd agree, it sounds like she just ran out of time

fubbsy Fri 22-Feb-13 10:39:29

If she doesn't walk much, she probably thinks she is doing you a bigger favour than you think it is. I walk or cycle most places and my impression is that car drivers think walking any distance is a big effort. It's just a matter of different perceptions.

MewlingQuim Fri 22-Feb-13 10:44:54

I agree with fubbsy

I walk everywhere too, people who don't walk anywhere think I will be falling over grateful at any length of time in a car, even if it costs more time than it saves.

AgnesAndTheOthers Fri 22-Feb-13 11:16:46

OP, I know exactly what you mean. I also don't drive, but very independent and walk most places or bus. I never ask for lifts. I had a friend who did the exact same thing to me, and more than once. It took me a while to get what was happening, but yes, she was playing games.

I asked another (very no nonsense) friend and straight away she came back with 'Yes, Its deliberate, stop accepting lifts'. It was a bit of a power thing apparently, lift-offering friend had also been making smugish comments along the lines of 'poor Agnes' etc. Cow. I was shocked really. She's not a friend now.

Just stop accepting lift when she offers, if she's bossy or insistent, stand your ground while smiling. Smile, smile, smile. She'll soon get the message.

ExpatAl Fri 22-Feb-13 11:22:57

What is the game playing? What do they have to gain?

atthewelles Fri 22-Feb-13 11:34:05

Well, simply on the example you've given us it sounds like your friend meant well but is a bit disorganised and doesn't always think things through. I've sometimes been offered a lift by someone who actually took so many detours on the way to drop things off etc that I would have been there quicker on the bus. I just assumed they thought they were doing me a favour in a scatterbrained kind of way.
Why do you think differently. Is it really the lift that's bothering you or have there been other incidents?

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Fri 22-Feb-13 11:36:06

People don't really get that wound up about non drivers do they? I don't drive but never beg or even hint for a lift (apart from off DP but that's his job!), never thought it could annoy someone so much.

I think she probably did mean well but then ran out of time.

ExpatAl Fri 22-Feb-13 11:38:48

I agree that some people think that any time in a car must be better walking or <horrors> taking public transport.

AgnesAndTheOthers Fri 22-Feb-13 11:40:29

ExpatAl - what have they got to gain?

I dunno, really I don't, some brief frisson of superiority maybe. Some people just enjoy feeling better than others and for the friend I spoke of, this was a way to do it. Same friend had also been 'odd' well, gleefu, and in front of me, lwhen finding out that the nice big house we live in was rented and not owned. She actually sent texts to other peeple to tell them when she found out.

Not everyone is nice. I don't usually think the worst of people, but the OP's story really, really stood out as something I'd experienced, that's all.

sweetestB Fri 22-Feb-13 11:42:03

another lift related example that happened over 3 years ago but I still remember from time to time:
our dds were toddlers and we always met at mine for playdates because a) Toddler mess didn't bother me but drove her bonkers, b) She hates tat and I had loads and c) she needed a change of scenario from her open place. All fine

But one day she invited me to hers and she said she would drive me back afterwards at around 6. Before even going I said straight away there was no need for her to leave her house just to drive me back, I was fine walking and pushing the pushchair like always. Also I like to leave when I want to leave, not when people are ready to drive me.
Anyway, once there, we play, have dinner and I want to come back home and she keeps asking me to stay few more minutes, lots of little excuses and she WILL drive me because it's raining, (it was sppiting and I had rain covers for pushchair and myself), but she insisted and didn't want to be rude so strayed
When we are finally leaving, her H comes through the door from work.
We go to the car, strap ourselves and she says she needs to dash back in because she forgot something.
Than out comes her H, plunks himself into the car and starts driving away
I'm utter confused and ask him what is going on
He says {insert friend name} asked him to drive me to my place.
It's very awkward in the car but I try to do small talk and be nice. He ignores me and has a face like thunder.

I think she used me to piss him off or get him back at something

sweetestB Fri 22-Feb-13 11:44:24

should be own place not open place

ExpatAl Fri 22-Feb-13 11:45:27

Agnes, that's amazing. Who the hell cares! Jealousy me thinks.

AgnesAndTheOthers Fri 22-Feb-13 11:46:07

Yep, game-playing. If there are other examples like this, she's not a nice friend OP.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Fri 22-Feb-13 11:46:24

agnes, I think your "friend" is just weird! If I got a text like that I'd be like wtf confused
Hope you're not still friends with her!

Loa Fri 22-Feb-13 11:46:34

I have the same experince with drivers assuming any length in car is great -even if it takes more time.

I've often ended up saying yes rather than argue which has meant on one occasion being dropped somewhere close to where I needed but where I didn't recognise and got lost which was fun hmm.

There is a Japanese word that means a favour someone insists they do for you despite you trying very hard to avoid it only saying yes for social reasons and it causing you more trouble than if they hadn't. It feels lke that at times.

sweetestB Fri 22-Feb-13 11:48:00

Agnes, I have other examples that makes me feel and think my friend does need to feel superior than someone else sometimes, to feel a bit more content with herself, but not enough time to post right now

bigbadbarry Fri 22-Feb-13 12:42:59

Irrelevant to friends being weird but wrt people driving everywhere: I live in a small village with an excellent bus service: 15 minutes into the city centre, every 15 minutes, £2 return. I am the only one of my friends to use up it, everybody else pays ££ to drive and park! Is nuts.

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