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To the person that poos at work ...

(71 Posts)
Inseywinseyupthespout Fri 22-Feb-13 08:41:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

comedycentral Fri 22-Feb-13 08:44:20

Over share grin

expatinscotland Fri 22-Feb-13 08:45:40


gordyslovesheep Fri 22-Feb-13 08:46:34

gee thanks for sharing

HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 08:46:42

Send an all staff email regarding toilet hygeine!

PessaryPam Fri 22-Feb-13 08:55:57

Send an email threatening a DNA test and a public naming and shaming!

Pagwatch Fri 22-Feb-13 08:58:40

Hahaha at DNA testing.
Criminal Shit Investigations

SalopianTubes Fri 22-Feb-13 09:08:24

YANBU! I could have written your op - do we work at the same place? grin

I'd also like to write a note to the horrible, horrible person who picks their nose and wipes all over the keyboard (we hot desk). Grrr.

NotADragonOfSoup Fri 22-Feb-13 09:11:33

If there is no paper with it, it could be a floater that didn't flush. I had a friend who had trouble with this. No amount of flushing would get rid of it until it had [ahem] lost buoyancy.

And yes, it really was a friend, not me grin

TattyDevine Fri 22-Feb-13 09:19:21

<<ruptures something at lost buoyancy >>

ChairmanWow Fri 22-Feb-13 09:28:57

I think we all have one of those. I always wondered if these people are happy leaving bits of poo floating around at home.

We also had a phantom toilet wanker who used to wipe his, ahem, deposit on the side of the cubicle in the men's loos <gak>. His identity remains a mystery but it's stopped now, thank god.

HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 09:36:49

Do you think he had a paper clip fetish? one gaze at the pot and he had to go and jerk off?

Mind you I once worked where someone used to do a turd next to the bowl shock We think it was the cleaner hmm

hazleweatherfield Fri 22-Feb-13 09:58:02

Print this out and tape one to the inside of each cubicle door:

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money.

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

If you learn to leave the toilet clean and without evidence of your defacation and urination now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."

countrykitten Fri 22-Feb-13 10:03:31

That is gross. Always hate going for a wee at work ( I will not poo there no matter what) straight after someone has done a vile poo and then coming out to bump in to someone going in who thinks that I did it! I always want to say that it wasn't me....but never do. sad

maddening Fri 22-Feb-13 10:07:17

At my last place of work there was a mystery wall snot wiper - little bits of snot stuck to the cubicle walls sad

SPBInDisguise Fri 22-Feb-13 10:11:51

Oh that is foul

TimeForLunch Fri 22-Feb-13 10:11:57

Sounds like you work where I work. I was quite baffled by the wee on the seat yesterday though as it was around the back of the seat. How would that happen?? Makes more sense if it was in men's but it wasn't.

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo Fri 22-Feb-13 10:14:43

Similar to hazle I think you should print off this thread and stick it on the back of the cubicle doors. grin

Chocolatemilkshake Fri 22-Feb-13 10:15:31

I came up with this a few months ago for another thread, print it out and stick it on the cubicle door -

To be honest the life of a toilet ain't great.
There really are many things that I hate.
I'm sat on, then shat on, then pissed on some more
I cringe when I see someone come through the door.
I'm telling you it just does my head in
I'm just treated like a shit and piss bin.

There has to be more that's out there for me
I'm tired of this crap, its not hard to see.
So, if you visit take the time to think
remember the life of a toilet does stink.

Next time you visit please show some respect
and wipe me as well, its how your own arse is kept.
When you are done, please show some affection,
I don't want to give the next person infection,
so give me a clean its not hard to do
and please stop me looking like I've shit myself too!

BlackMaryJanes Fri 22-Feb-13 10:26:49

This thread is gold.

bleedingheart Fri 22-Feb-13 10:40:22

I love hazelweatherfield's suggestion.

I wish I'd thought of that when I worked with some filthy people.

KrisPBacon Fri 22-Feb-13 10:43:45

Twice this week, I have stumbled in to a cubicle You do a lot of stumbling OP. Are you drunk?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 10:44:40

No amount of flushing would get rid of it until it had [ahem] lost buoyancy.

That just sent me into giggle fits.

Arithmeticulous Fri 22-Feb-13 10:55:36

Someone once sent an email like that at work shock

But signed off with a reminder that the toilet was in a security card access only area, to which only 10 people had access and 3 of those were out of the office, and it wasn't the sender of the email, 'I will find you and make you flush it' grin

chickensarmpit Fri 22-Feb-13 10:57:56

We have a minger who does massive poops and leaves them! We call her/him the Phantom shitter.

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