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To be so angry at comments about nurofen/calpol

(164 Posts)
ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 22:51:14

My 4 dcs-dd1 (11), ds1 (6), dd2 (3) and ds2 (10ms) all have a genetic condition EDS causing them pain on a daily basis.

Ds1 also suffers from migraine requiring painkillers and all 4 frequently get viruses and infections (usually throat/ear) that gives them extremely high temps.

Ds1 has been very very poorly for the last week, temp up to 104f at one point and I thought he would have a fit it was terrifying but we got it down eventually with nur/calpol.

Dcs physio recommened these medicines for the joint/muscle pain they all get and gp always says to give calpol and nurofen even today adjusting ds1 dose to try and stop his temp going so high.

MIL has always made comments that my overuse of painkillers is the reason the dcs catch every bug going and are such sickly children.

She said it again today and I just lost my temper then cried. She is making out it is my fault then went on to say they are all on anti b too much as well. I have had enough of it-she is talking rubbish isn't she?

MIL is adamant these painkillers are causing dcs ill health but the gp/physio/consultant wouldn't keep telling me to use them surely if they were contributing to the problem?

ariane5 Fri 22-Feb-13 08:33:46

MIL just has this habit of questioning everything I do. A while ago it was "why do your dcs have so many appts" asking me about physio/speech therapy/hosp appts etc etc as she didn't like dh having to take so much time off work and saying why couldn't I get a bus or cab by myself with them.

She is really really interfering lately and its seriously starting to get on my nerves, I do my best and I am tired I don't need her questioning me all the time and undermining me.

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 22-Feb-13 08:37:39

Your MIL is talking out of her arse!

Ignore ignore ignore.

Oh and tell her that if you made the decision to deprive your children of medicines when they need to have them it is classed as neglect. I have had to report parents in A and E to social services who refused to give their children painkillers or antibiotics.

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 22-Feb-13 08:39:38

Oh and just want to say well done for managing to keep up with all your childrens appointments with specialists. I could not do what your doing with one child let alone 4!

huge respect for you xxx

weegiemum Fri 22-Feb-13 08:47:40

My dd2 has a hip problem (Perthe's syndrome) and needs dosing up each night before bed (well she did from age 3-8, she's having a ga for a scan in 2 weeks which should tell us it's better!!). My mil also questioned this, but as my dh actually is a doctor, she soon shut up.

My dd1 is awaiting an appointment as our GP (and dh) are concerned that her hyper mobility and skin infections are caused by eds.

My dad feels very badly that I have a common auto-immune condition (rheumatoid arthritis) and also a very rare related condition (CIDP). He has mild RA and my grandma, his mum, has been very disabled with it for years. But his concern is all am I coping ok, do the dc want to come for the weekend, how about he comes through to where I live (60 miles) and take me out for lunch? Etc. That's what really concerned, decent parents/grandparents do!

HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 08:51:56

Is there any particular reason why you even open the door to this woman?

FutTheShuckUp Fri 22-Feb-13 08:52:10

Maybe you should suugest she starts running her own clinics and charging people for the priviledge of her expertise.
Or failing that tell her to get knotted.

Uppermid Fri 22-Feb-13 09:13:13

I think it's time you stopped being so nice and accommodating re your mil. I think in your position I would now tell her her where to go.

I would be asking her where her medical qualification is? Where are her years of experience treating children with their condition? I would tell her that if she hasn't got anything useful to say and isn't going to help and support her grandchildren she can leave now until she is going to be pleasant and or helpful and supportive. I would make sure that she doesn't interrupt me by continuing to talk over her loudly and clearly if necessary, until you've said what you need to say.

I would try to steer clear of telling the witch to fuck off as that would then bring you down to her level, (though really tempting!)

And lastly, I would be having strong words with dh regarding his mother and her comments, how they will in some ways be affecting the children, they hear what she says and see how she talks to you and will grow up thinking this an acceptable way to talk to someone.

Someone has to break they cycle, why not you. You've already said she thinks you're not good enough so it's not like she'll suddenly stop being nice to you.

And ya most definitely nbu, she sounds dreadful

Flobbadobs Fri 22-Feb-13 09:18:47

You need to repeat the phrase "I am doing this on the advice of our healthcare professional" over and over again until she shuts up. Don't even engage with anything else she says, just repeat that phrase.
I'm afraid your DH needs to step up and defend you. No one likes an argument but actively avoiding getting involved is sending your MIL the message that he approves and possibly agrees with what she says.
YANBU and way too patient, it sounds like you're doing a great job in difficult circumstances. I would have ripped a strip off her by now!

RawShark Fri 22-Feb-13 14:30:08

YANBU. WOuld she rather you leave them in pain?

fromparistoberlin Fri 22-Feb-13 16:49:04

this is intolerable OP

you have enough on your plate

I think you give DH an ukltimatum, either you stick up for me and tell her to STFU, or you start to drastically reduce the time you spend with her

good luck xxxx

flangledoodle Fri 22-Feb-13 17:02:47

Who ever listened to their MIL???

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 17:10:04

YANBU, It must be so hard to listen to it, my DD's GP's are convinced something is wrong with her, shes a painfully shy child, specialists think thats all it is and nothing wrong with it either, i feel so vindicated.

specialsubject Fri 22-Feb-13 17:13:01

believe the guy with the medical degree. The 'medication overuse pain' thing may be valid in some cases, but for people in constant pain (I live with someone who has this too) it is NOT what they need to hear.

Glad the meds are working for your kids. Oh, and you don't have to spend time with people just because they are relatives.

madmomma Fri 22-Feb-13 18:34:14

Your MIL sounds like a nasty bitch and texts about her son getting enough rest etc are just pathetic. Please don't let her upset you - you sound lovely.x

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 18:36:39

You sound like a damn fine mum, who is doing great with her poorly DC's, i bet you anything that she couldnt now nor ever could deal with it, your alot better than that woman, just ignore her, if she starts hang up or walk away, you dont have to listen.

buildingmycorestrength Fri 22-Feb-13 18:40:52

ariane5, I know a little of your back story and you know your MIL should butt out. She causes. you nothing but major grief in so so many ways, and your DH had been pretty useless at standing by you (understatement).

You must somehow find a way to put an end to her influence. Really.

ariane5 Fri 22-Feb-13 23:01:38

It is such a difficult situation, with many many other issues lurking involving dh family.

I think I fleetingly worried for a second that there could be some truth in her opinion that calpol and nurofen may not be good for dcs to have so often but I don't have a choice-they are in pain and I want to make them feel better.

I saw the gp again today (ds1 still really not well) and asked was it def ok for dcs to be having painkillers and he said again to me how it is absolutely fine so long as its not over the rec dose or more frequently than 4 hourly.

I know I should tell MIL to f off but really itd cause ww3 and I feel a bit too fragile for that at the moment. I just seem to be doing enough just to survive each day, keep the dcs as well as I can and things as calm as possible for them as the last thing they need is arguments around them.
I hate it though I don't want to be a doormat and she really angers me to the point where I want to scream at her sometimes. I am trying to see her less and less but dh still gets his daily (often more) phonecall.

I remembered today other words of wisdom from her that I think are possibly dubious, things she has told me off for! Last weekend I was told NEVER to tickle ds2 feet as if you do that to a baby under a year old they will have a fit??? And when I was pregnant she had a huge go at me for eating jelly and marshmallows-dangerous apparently during pregnancy.

She is livid that dh no longer drinks at all due to dcs being unwell and the fact we never know when next hosp dash in middle of night could be so he needs to be able to drive-she clearly thinks Iam telling him he can't drink (I wouldn't -it was his decision) and she thinks it is unfair that he can never relax!

I really cannot stand her

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 23:08:11

Ignore her, just ignore her, your hubby does those things because hes doing what he should be doing...hes a dad, relaxing and drinking are something of a treat when your a parent, your MIL is clearing talking out of her stuck up-know it all arse.

KoalaFace Fri 22-Feb-13 23:16:27

Me and my DS and DB both all have EDS. Can you please ask your MIL to come and talk to us about the best way to cope with our pain? Until now we have only spoken to medical professionals but would LOVE to hear from someone who clearly really knows her shit.

Ignore her. She sounds overbearing and stupid. Horrible combo which will probably never change. But I bet if she saw them writhing in pain from having much needed pain relief she'd have her wagging finger right out.

ariane5 Fri 22-Feb-13 23:19:04

Don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for MN.

I have nobody in RL that I can really talk to as I am isolated due to our circumstances.I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing that I'm not in the wrong and that I don't deserve to be treated the way I am.


GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 23:25:08

Ariane Your the mum, you do what you need to do for your DC's, she raised her kids the way she chose, you raise your kids in a way you deem needed. I think you doing great despite DC's issues, and they are lucky to have a dedicated mum. Just tune MIL or just say "Well im the mum".

narmada Fri 22-Feb-13 23:55:49

She sounds totally toxic. Awful! I don't know how you put up with her at all. I agree your DH needs to step up and defend you. It would pee me off no end if I was in that situation and DH didn't man up, regardless of issues he might've had. If her precious son asked her to lay off you, she would probably listen, right ?

atrcts Sat 23-Feb-13 08:57:15

You have a lot of examples showing your mother in law is wayyyyy off the mark in so many different topics! However, you don't need to convince anyone here that she is bang out of order - your original post is quite bad enough wink

Did you know the anagram of mother in law is "woman hitler"?!!!!!! grin she's certainly living up to that.

I have a medical background and have dished out much stronger painkillers than calpol and nurofen to immuno-compromised patients in a hospital. It's true that being worn out from pain will lower your body's defences even further. Taking painkillers will not!

An attack from the 'inside' (i.e; family) is always harder to bear, but it's possible for you to manage this unreasonable woman.

Personally I would let the daily phone calls go to answer phone and just not call back. If DH takes all the calls and passes the MiL poison to you, I'd ask him to keep it to himself because you've heard it all before, it undermines you and quite frankly hurts!

Once you stand up to this bully she will lose her hold and probably won't like it, but what will she do? Call and make ridiculous accusations? She already DOES that!!!!!!! I can't see that you have much to lose but everything to gain. Please don't let that parrot on your shoulder chip away at your confidence any longer. You're doing a great job in very difficult circumstances smile

recall Sat 23-Feb-13 09:00:54

ariane5 you are being a good kind Mum.....ignore your MIL, she is ill informed and stupid.

HollyBerryBush Sat 23-Feb-13 09:05:23

Would it be worth taking the old bat with you next time you have Drs appt?

She can interrogate the Dr, he can tell shes terminally stupid.

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