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To be so angry at comments about nurofen/calpol

(164 Posts)
ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 22:51:14

My 4 dcs-dd1 (11), ds1 (6), dd2 (3) and ds2 (10ms) all have a genetic condition EDS causing them pain on a daily basis.

Ds1 also suffers from migraine requiring painkillers and all 4 frequently get viruses and infections (usually throat/ear) that gives them extremely high temps.

Ds1 has been very very poorly for the last week, temp up to 104f at one point and I thought he would have a fit it was terrifying but we got it down eventually with nur/calpol.

Dcs physio recommened these medicines for the joint/muscle pain they all get and gp always says to give calpol and nurofen even today adjusting ds1 dose to try and stop his temp going so high.

MIL has always made comments that my overuse of painkillers is the reason the dcs catch every bug going and are such sickly children.

She said it again today and I just lost my temper then cried. She is making out it is my fault then went on to say they are all on anti b too much as well. I have had enough of it-she is talking rubbish isn't she?

MIL is adamant these painkillers are causing dcs ill health but the gp/physio/consultant wouldn't keep telling me to use them surely if they were contributing to the problem?

ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:43:48

We don't see her that much, she only lives round the corner but doesn't go out of her way to see us although she phones dh daily. He seems to just ignore her comments I think he just can't be bothered to argue!

Dh has eds-suffered TERRIBLY as a child, had numerous operations, was in a buggy till age 5, constantly dislocated joints. I would have thought she would understand but all she does it criticise me, never asks about dcs really but constantly goes on about dh eating/sleeping/etc.

Bugsylugs Thu 21-Feb-13 23:45:04

If they are in pain they need pain killers. Not really evidence that regular use of pain killers causes low immunity but is linked to higher incidence of asthma etc.

Antibiotics however if used to treat a viral ear infection result in a 60% recurrence rate at 6 weeks, 30%. In bacterial infections. So yes antibiotics may impact on number of infections, but you have to trust those treating your children.

You are doing right by your children.

cory Thu 21-Feb-13 23:53:15

"Dh has eds-suffered TERRIBLY as a child, had numerous operations, was in a buggy till age 5, constantly dislocated joints. I would have thought she would understand but all she does it criticise me, never asks about dcs really but constantly goes on about dh eating/sleeping/etc. "

Could this be why she is in denial?

My mum struggles terribly with the idea that she has passed on EDS to her grandchildren. It doesn't worry me that I have, but she just can't handle the idea.

She has at various times tried to suggest that a) perhaps it isn't EDS b) it's bound to have come from dh's family because "he walks funny" (despite her having absolutely classic symptoms) c) it wouldn't really be causing any problems if I had only stayed in my birth country where doctors were much better.

thezebrawearspurple Thu 21-Feb-13 23:58:32

I agree with cory, she's projecting her guilt onto you.

ZebraOwl Thu 21-Feb-13 23:59:22

My EDS wasn't diagnosed until I was 25 & had racked up a LOT of joint damage - as well as GI problems that interfere with my uptake of oral medications. I am on a massive dose of opiates to control my pain levels: the dose is so high it gets commented on by doctors encountering my drugslist for the first time. I get really quite fed up of hulking great doctors telling me half my dose would have them insensible so they've no idea how "someone so tiny" can possibly tolerate it hmm Your MIL should be thanking her lucky stars it's "only" paracetamol & ibuprofen her DGCs are having to take to manage their pain.

I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this gubbins from your MIL, I really am. Would it be of any use to get some information about EDS (& diabetes) for her? Can your DH talk this stuff through with her so you don't have to try to get it through her apparently incredibly thick skull into her seemingly tiny tiny mind?

Proper control/management of pain is really important for improving (& then maintaining) general health. Neither paracetamol nor ibuprofen compromise the immune system & are safe as long as they're being given as directed by the GP. (Am assuming the ibuprofen isn't at a high enough dose to risk causing stomach problems. That is something to be aware of, though, if any of your DCs have GI involvement in their EDS, one to maybe ask your consultant about next time you see them.) Your children will only be prescribed antibiotics if they really need them: if they weren't on them as often a they are they would be more ill, not less!

Your MIL quite clearly has A Crazy In Her Head where her son is concerned. an your DH try to get her to see he doesn't appreciate her stance on things? Is it at all possible she blames you for the children having EDS given it is so often genetic?

Simply put, your MIL sounds deeply unpleasant & obviously has some Issues that lead her to behave in this way. Would you be able to shut down any discussion of the children's health? So when she starts spouting her nonsense you just say "I'm sorry but I'm not willing to discuss this with you as despite my best efforts you apparently cannot comprehend anything to do with their medical conditions so this conversation will be pointless & aggravating" & then put the phone down or walk away from her? Not sure I'd be able to do that with someone, but it sounds as though you need to Do Something Soon for the sake of your happiness & mental wellbeing.

cory Fri 22-Feb-13 00:06:11

Dd's EDS is now managed through a combination of tramadol and antidepressants- so rather stronger stuff than calpol. When people query this, I point out that I would rather like to see her live to her 18th birthday.

SchroSawMargeryDaw Fri 22-Feb-13 00:16:14

Your MIL is a loon and a heartless one at that. EDS hurts like hell and she shoul d know this.

Doubletroublemummy2 Fri 22-Feb-13 00:16:25

I would tell her docs recently told you EDS is geneteic and is passed on from paternal granmother, that means it her fault they are poorly, and exposure to toxic people exacerbates their symptoms so can she please not come around anymore. I know it's really hard but please try to pay no attention to her as her opinion is completly invalid, unless she has amedical qualification and is an EDS specialist

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Fri 22-Feb-13 00:26:04

What an unpleasant woman. You and your dc have enough to deal with without a nasty old bat throwing ignorance and blame around too sad

EDS is a little understood and hideous thing to have but it's the stupidity of people that is the worst thing to deal with.

ariane5 Fri 22-Feb-13 00:31:16

Dh only got diagnosed when dd1 was 3 at time of her diagnosis.Until then his symptoms(pain,dislocations and pectus excavatum) were simply put down as a collection of random problems that he was told were not genetic, they had checked for marfans when he was a child but nothing else.They also diagnosed me at the same time-I suffered frequent jaw dislocation as a child, had a beighton score of 9 and get some pain (although not nearly as bad as dh+dcs,only really bad when I'm pregnant).

We have had so many tests/biopsies done and the geneticist thinks dcs are so severely affected as have got it from both of us.

MIL just seems to only be concerned about dh, I know she is his mum and probably can't help it but she really really is testing my patience.

ripsishere Fri 22-Feb-13 00:32:03

What a cow, seriously. Surely all grandparents want the best for their GC?
In your situation, I would be severing all contact with the mealy mouthed bitch.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Fri 22-Feb-13 00:49:12

I'd just say "Oh wow MIL, I didnt realise you'd qualified as a consultant paediatrician. You should have told me earlier and then I wouldnt have to keep taking the kids to the doc."

(caveat- I probably wouldn't as I'm too conflict adverse, but I'd like to say it grin)

sashh Fri 22-Feb-13 02:29:35

Ignore MIL.

If your children were diabetic and on insulin you wouldn't think twice.

Just because the meds your children need can be bough OTC does not make their condition any less serious.

Your children are receiving care from experts. Tell MIL to do 5b years uni and then 10 years on the job training and then she can tell you what to prescribe.

PessaryPam Fri 22-Feb-13 06:25:12

I would cut her out of my life TBH. I would refuse to see her and would keep the children from her too as she is bringing nothing to the party apart from more pain.

Bunbaker Fri 22-Feb-13 06:44:13

She is talking bollocks. DD has a bone condition that requires regular high doses of ibuprofen. Of course I would rather she didn't have to take them, but they dramatically improve her quality of life.

Fairylea Fri 22-Feb-13 06:46:29

Ignore her.

I have a chronic long term immune problem and I have been prescribed daily antibiotics for the last 12 years (including taking them during two healthy pregnancies). If they lowered the immune system there is NO WAY they would give them to me. Same for paracetamol on regular use.

Tee2072 Fri 22-Feb-13 06:52:26

Yup. Guilt. Guilt that her son lived with it with no diagnosis. Guilt that she's passed it on.

At some point, if it was me, I'd point all of that out to her. But I don't take kindly to rude, mean people.

imnotmymum Fri 22-Feb-13 07:05:20

Child in pain or a spoonful of Calpol ? I know what I would choose. You are doing a great job OP and I cannot begin to imagine how tough it is I am wiped out after a couple of days one of the kids has a bug never mind 24/7!!
Whist I agree some parents dish calpol out at every which way but clearly there is a reason for you medicating and I would just ignore her and would ef get DH to have a quiet word. You are his wife and he should stick up for you.

HollyBerryBush Fri 22-Feb-13 07:33:16

What does your DP make of his mothers comments?

Really he should 'man up' and lay it on the line to her.

AngryGnome Fri 22-Feb-13 08:00:26

Agree with others that it sounds like she is feeling guilty about your dh, that she let him down as a child - and I think most parents could relate to that feeling. It might also explain why she is so ridiculously protective of him now.

However, although her feelings of guilt/denial are understandable, it is completely unacceptable for her to take that out on you. You sound as if you are coping very well in very difficult circumstances, and she has no right to undermine you at all.

Could your dh speak to her about her attitude? Does she ever make similar comments to him?

Isityouorme Fri 22-Feb-13 08:18:35

Your mil needs to stop being a bitch to you. It is also bloody awful that she is undermining your dc in front of them, comparing your dc to her other gc in their hearing is dreadful. She should not be nasty in front of them/to them. And why the hell does he phone your DH daily? That would drive me nuts.

ThreeBeeOneGee Fri 22-Feb-13 08:21:41

Ask her to produce the evidence to back up her comments (peer-reviewed studies from respected medical journals only). She won't be able to, because she is talking out of her arse.

Sorry to hear your children are having to cope with chronic medical conditions.

ariane5 Fri 22-Feb-13 08:21:55

Dh always tries to avoid arguments wherever possible which does frustrate me especially as I feel he should be standing up for me.

AngryGnome Fri 22-Feb-13 08:29:42

I think your dh really needs to get involved - I understand he wants to avoid arguments, I hate conflict myself - but his mother's attitude is placing additional stress on you, which is unacceptable.

cory Fri 22-Feb-13 08:33:02

It may be more difficult for your dh because he is struggling with memories of his own childhood, his own condition being mismanaged, his mum being wrong.

But that doesn't really make any difference to how things are today: he is the parent and it is his job to deal with his own mother. The best thing for him to do would be to think out a stock phrase like "we are acting on medical advice and will continue to do so" and then just change the subject. Every time.

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