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AIBU?

To have asked for financial help from boyfriend??

69 replies

EyePlunge · 21/02/2013 09:43

My partner sold his house last year and has been pretty much living between his mother's house and my house ever since. He pays board weekly to his mum but since Christmas has been living at my house 6 nights a week. He pays me nothing at all despite eating here every day/night and using all my utilities. So basically he's living free right now and his savings are increasing nicely in his bank whilst I'm struggling to pay for everything. He earns over £30k a year (which is a lot around here) and I'm a student on a bursary. When he first started living here I asked him to make the odd contribution towards groceries etc and he said that was fine - however he's yet to do that. He'll bring in the odd pint of milk or loaf of bread but he never contributes to the actual grocery shop. I was pissed off last night. He said he was going to make me a cake and would I go to asda with him to buy the stuff - I assumed he was buying it!! But no, we got to the till and he asked me to go halfs with him for the £8 it cost.

So anyway it came to a head last night when he asked me how much money I can save up in the next 6 months to put towards a deposit for a house. I said I was struggling somewhat so probably not a lot. He got a face on so I said "to be honest, the only reason you can save so much is because you're not paying for anything, you don't have rent, mortgage, bills - even food to pay for. On the other hand, I'm paying for everything, maybe if you contributed more, I'd be able to save more?" this was met with a "woah it's all coming out now! so you've resented me being here all this time! you never ask me for any money, I'm not a mind reader!"

AIBU to think he shouldn't need to be asked?? it's common sense!!! Surely anyone with half a conscience would realise they should be contributing to the household they're living in, especially if you earn much more than they do and have no other outgoings??

OP posts:

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Bunfags · 21/02/2013 09:57

YANBU, and it sounds as though he tried to turn it around onto you. He doesn't sound very mature at all, so be very careful.

Did you come to an agreement? What happened after you spoke to each other?

Bluestocking · 21/02/2013 09:59

Your boyfriend is what's called a cocklodger. Run like the wind.

HollyBerryBush · 21/02/2013 10:00

YANBU but he thinks he lives at his mother but is just staying at yours!

Big miscommunication.

Although - I have to say - quibbling over 8 quid at the till - is he always this 'tight' ?

Fairylea · 21/02/2013 10:01

Yanbu.

Red flags. All over. Run.

Lovelygoldboots · 21/02/2013 10:01

Kick him out, sorry, posted too soon. Why did he sell his house? Is he.not good with money?

EyePlunge · 21/02/2013 10:04

It was a house he shared with his ex wife so it had to be sold under divorce agreement or something.

I was so suprised when he asked me to go halfs on the £8 bill - all the times I've done a big shop £50/£60 and not asked for a penny yet he wants £4 off me for a bill in which half the stuff was his anyway?

He probably thinks why should he pay half towards the groceries when the kids are not his etc but he is living here!! it's only right he contributes, surely?

OP posts:

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/02/2013 10:04

Get. Rid.

Red flags are flashing and waving. What a cocklodger and turning it all round on you.

I wouldnt have got this far with such a selfish prick. How dare he live off your money then make a fuss when you ask him to pay.

ZillionChocolate · 21/02/2013 10:05

I used to stay with my boyfriend most weekends so would do the weekend food shopping and pay for it most of the time. He is being completely unreasonably. If he's more than an occasional guest I'd expect him to contribute to work and chores.

I think the cake bill is evidence that he's just mean. I don't think you can cure that.

expatinscotland · 21/02/2013 10:06

This man is a cocklodger.

He will never change. He never did the decent thing and contribute because he's a self-entitled twat.

There is only one thing to do with such a person: kick them OUT of your house and your life.

Even his mother charges him because she probably knows he's a tight-fisted wanker.

expatinscotland · 21/02/2013 10:07

She's his ex for a reason.

ENormaSnob · 21/02/2013 10:10

Get rid.

Lovelygoldboots · 21/02/2013 10:10

Honestly what a tosser. You are studying for a better future. Don't let this loser hang on to you and disrupt that.

EyePlunge · 21/02/2013 10:11

See another thing is he's obsessed with money. One thing he's let slip a few times is that he resents his ex wife getting half of everything he had as she never worked and he's worried that I will do the same (not said in those exact words but this is what he was getting at). He said last night he was worried I'd "take him to the cleaners" if we ever split up and would want to protect his own equity etc. I told him I don't give a shit about money in the way that he obviously does and if we split all I'd want is what I'D personally put into the house/relationship. He doesn't believe me though - he thinks everyone is obsessed with money because he is.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 21/02/2013 10:11

I couldnt be doing with someone who is tight with money

Snootymum · 21/02/2013 10:12

I would end the relationship. Being with a man like that will never end well, he's illustrated that perfectly by his reaction when you tackled the fact that he doesn't pay for anything by trying to turn it round onto you.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/02/2013 10:14

Why are you still with him? Seriously, hes such an arse.

targaryen24 · 21/02/2013 10:15

COCKLODGER

runrunrun !!

expatinscotland · 21/02/2013 10:15

Eye, get rid! He's a mean spirited bastard taking you for a ride.

NicknameTaken · 21/02/2013 10:24

Sounds to me like he feels used financially by his ex so thinks he's perfectly justified in using you financially in return. You really don't want to be with a man like that.

tallwivglasses · 21/02/2013 10:25

Nasty man. Stick laxatives in his dinner then charge him for the bog roll. Then dump the fucker.

StuntGirl · 21/02/2013 10:27

This exactly nickname.

Run OP, he's using you and it isn't going to get better.

Chrysanthemum5 · 21/02/2013 10:28

Agree with the others, kick him out. He's telling you exactly what sort of person he is, and you need to believe him. He will always try to weasle his way out of paying for things, you will never feel comfortable about money when you are with him, and he would see you do without (and presumably your children?) if it saved him money.

Run.

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mmmuffins · 21/02/2013 10:30

You are getting a clear insight to what this man is like. Don't ignore all the red flags blazing in your face OP.

Whocansay · 21/02/2013 10:33

Run like the wind. Then look behind you, check you can't see him, and run some more.

Entitled, controlling cocklodger. Red flags all over the place.

ruledbyheart · 21/02/2013 10:58

I'd cut your losses and get rid, if he won't contribute now he never will unless pushed, it will cause resentment both ways as he obviously doesn't want to part with his money and you obviously can't let him stay there rent free and not contributing at all as it's completely unfair.

Red flags everywhere it will only get worse so LTB.

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