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To want to exclusively bf against DP's wishes?

(96 Posts)
chroniclackofimagination Wed 20-Feb-13 12:25:00

DS2 is 3 months old and feeding well but often, as is normal for breastfed babies.

I partially breastfed DS1 for 9 months but he had formula top ups from day 1 because he was born with low blood sugar (I had undiagnosed GD). As DS1 was also a big baby and my first I was constantly worried he was hungry and didn't trust I was making enough milk.

Eventually the top ups became more frequent and m y milk dried up, which combined with the fact that he preferred the bottle as he got older and more active meant I stopped breastfeeding before I wanted to.

This time I have established nursing properly, DS2 is gaining weight steadily and I just don't want to interfere with it. DP thinks the commitment to nursing and the time it takes means I'm less available to DS1, now a two year old and to DP himself. I think he would also like to feed DS2 and I struggle to express milk in any quantity. To be clear he doesn't want me to stop breastfeeding, just to introduce some formula too. I don't want to, AIBU?

chroniclackofimagination Wed 20-Feb-13 13:00:07

I do chat and play and sing to DS1 when I'm feeding but he's a demanding toddler who wants me on the floor playing lego. It is difficult for him and I am less available, although I try to meet both of their needs, there are always going to be times when one has to wait. I don't think formula feeding would change that though.

I am constantly breaking off from tasks to breastfeed and things get done slowly (and sometimes not at all). I do the majority of household tasks but I have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours at his suggestion. He does his share at the weekend and is naturally quite tidy. He is an active and involved parent to DS1 and when he is here he handles the majority of DS1's care while I tend to the baby.

I'm tired from doing all the night feeds and that makes me a bit clumsy and forgetful too. I also work (very) part time from home for a small business sideline we started together. My work affects his and he worries about deadlines, I have often finished a piece of work by working late at night which he has a problem with.

I think it's bothering him that he can't settle DS2 when he's upset but has to bring him back to me even if I am working.

I see the inconvenience and I even think he has a point but I am convinced of the advantages to breastfeeding and I think it's a relatively short lived phase and we should just suck it up and muddle through.

SirBoobAlot Wed 20-Feb-13 13:09:34

It would be just as hard if you were bottle feeding as your DS1 would still have to wait. That will pass as baby gets older though.

As for the break off from tasks, do you have a sling? You can feed on the move then.

Are you able to co-sleep and get a bit more rest in?

Completely agree with your last paragraph smile This is a short, difficult phase, and will pass before you know it.

Katienana Wed 20-Feb-13 13:11:26

Don't forget bf can be done one handed, I like to bf and mnet at the same time. Sounds like his heart is in the right place but it is your decision and he needs to suport you.

chroniclackofimagination Wed 20-Feb-13 13:14:31

I can MN and type on my phone one handed (like right now!) but need to write fast for work. Can anyone recommend a good sling for breastfeeding hands free? Tried and gave up with DS1 and a baba sling but willing to give it another go!

NaturalBaby Wed 20-Feb-13 13:15:00

YANBU but in his own way you are very lucky that he is so concerned about wanting to feed and settle his baby! DH gladly left me to it for the first year as I was ebf. I really miss it now, and my ds's are complete daddy's boys making up for lost time!

HairyHandedTrucker Wed 20-Feb-13 13:30:43

well holly, babies have managed to with their dads since beginning of time despite not having access to bottles. open, yanbu! dh needs to grow up big time

maddening Wed 20-Feb-13 15:03:14


It is natural he take a little more time with dc1 while you see more to dc2 imo when parenting as a couple - it is a sensible division of childcare with a tiny baby - reassure him that this will change as dc2 gets older and he can see it as a nice bonding period with dc1 - everything witha young baby is so fluid and changes from 1 week to thw next - it's funny he's noticing at 3 mths as there's a big growth spurt at that age meaning more demands to bf - so maybe he's picking up on that.

Remind him it's important to you and so fleeting that in a few months all will change with weaning on to solids.

Crawling Wed 20-Feb-13 15:13:52


Woodifer Wed 20-Feb-13 15:23:39

Just as an aside - if you have an electric pump - its easier to express from one side while you feed from the other (as the baby feeding stimulates your let down reflex) - I think you still have to be careful with bottle preference of course (depending on baby) - we switched to slightly faster flow teats whaen DD was a little bit older - and she gradually switched herself to bottles aged about 8 months (would get very frustrated breastfeeding, turn away and go rigid like a little plank).

curryeater Wed 20-Feb-13 15:28:22


I think if he "has a problem" with you working late at night he needs to pitch into that more.
also he is unrealistic if he thinks you can suddenly be less than frantically busy with a baby and a toddler, just by introducing formula.

why is it hard for you to express - you mean nothing comes out, or you don't really have time to sterilise everything and sit doing it? If he really wants this to happen he could help by being in charge of sterilising expressing kit, and by entertaining the toddler while you bf on one side and express on the other (this works but is practically impossible to do while also playing trains or something with dc1).
I only suggest this - not to pressure you into expressing if you don't like it - but because it can get easier if your body gets used to it, but you can only get your body used to it by having the kit ready and to hand, and that is tricky when you have two small children to look after. It drove me nuts when dc2 was bfing that dp was always going "why don't you express and then I could help" but he never did anything about it, seeing that somehow as associated with all the magic things that can only be done by a person with breasts. I expressed about 3 times with dc2 - with dc1 I was a donor!

Don't bother with expressing if you don't want to, but if you would quite like it to work, get dp to help you and then you can have a break if you want one.

fromparistoberlin Wed 20-Feb-13 15:30:34

tell him to be patient. as in a couple of months you will be down to 4-5 hourly feeds

Its a funny old world. My DP was rabid lactivist!!!

Crinkle77 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:32:50

Could you express so that he could join in too?

Crinkle77 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:33:48

Sorry missed the part about OP having difficulty expressing

diddl Wed 20-Feb-13 15:38:20


What is the point of expressing if not necessary??

Isn´t one of the advantages of bfeeding that you´re not faffing with bottles?

There´s plenty of other stuff he can do.

GloriaPritchett Wed 20-Feb-13 15:39:13

I don't know. If he is worried about you being tired and muddled and wants to help out more, then I think he might have a point. But you are right about things being mostly the same if you were using formula and it won't last forever.

AmberLeaf Wed 20-Feb-13 15:47:57

He just needs to accept that not everything is within his remit/control.

I don't mean he is controlling BTW, just that this one is not his 'job'

Yama Wed 20-Feb-13 15:58:24

Chronic - YANBU.

When he was a baby, my dh put dc2 into a sling as soon as he got home from work. He has always done baths and bedtime. He set the routine. When we night weaned it was dh who would get up to ds in the night (and still does).

We co-parent our dc and either is happy going to either parent for any of their needs.

I can be done without having to give up on ebf until you are ready. I believe your dh should support this.

birdsofshore Wed 20-Feb-13 16:01:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FryOneFatManic Wed 20-Feb-13 16:07:44

I never managed to express at all, no matter how I tried.

DP, however, was totally happy that both DCs were ebf. He busied himself in doing other things for the DCs like nappies, bathtime, bedtime, playing, etc. He has good bonds with our DCs.

StripeyBear Wed 20-Feb-13 16:14:07


He's only 3 months - there's no need to give him formula. Tell DH not to be so silly. He can feed the baby in 3 months anyway - or at least make his pasta for him/her...

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 20-Feb-13 16:21:56


My two were EBF until 6 months, and never had formula at all. THey both have a great bond with DH.

OP - this is such a short phase, you will be through it in no time. smile

JugglingFromHereToThere Wed 20-Feb-13 16:25:04

Just to say I found expressing really difficult compared to just simply BFing.

I did it once and DH gave DD the milk in a bottle. Maybe it was kinda nice to try it and see, but I could see it wasn't going to be for me !

I think you get to make the decisions. Sure you listen to what others think and feel. But on something this close to you and your baby IMHO - it's your call smile

GoldenGreen Wed 20-Feb-13 16:26:54

Yanbu. It's a very short time really. I also did the same with dd though I knew that dp would have loved to feed her. They seem to have bonded ok smile

pollypandemonium Wed 20-Feb-13 16:27:10

I think the main concern is the health of your 3 month old. If he is not getting enough milk quickly enough he will be tiring himelf out as much as you and that's not good for him. You being tired is also not good for him. How long does a feed take and is his weight OK?

AThingInYourLife Wed 20-Feb-13 16:35:44


I expressed with my 3 from about 2 weeks so DH could give a bottle and I could get a break.

I found it really helped him to bond with them, particularly with DD2. Before we started doing that we were like a split family - me and DD2, him and DD1. Having his alone time with the baby really made a noticeable difference.

That said, I find expressing really easy and get absolutely loads without any trouble.

You have considered his suggestion and think it's not worth it.

As the person with the breasts, I think that has to be good enough.

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