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To want to exclusively bf against DP's wishes?

(96 Posts)
chroniclackofimagination Wed 20-Feb-13 12:25:00

DS2 is 3 months old and feeding well but often, as is normal for breastfed babies.

I partially breastfed DS1 for 9 months but he had formula top ups from day 1 because he was born with low blood sugar (I had undiagnosed GD). As DS1 was also a big baby and my first I was constantly worried he was hungry and didn't trust I was making enough milk.

Eventually the top ups became more frequent and m y milk dried up, which combined with the fact that he preferred the bottle as he got older and more active meant I stopped breastfeeding before I wanted to.

This time I have established nursing properly, DS2 is gaining weight steadily and I just don't want to interfere with it. DP thinks the commitment to nursing and the time it takes means I'm less available to DS1, now a two year old and to DP himself. I think he would also like to feed DS2 and I struggle to express milk in any quantity. To be clear he doesn't want me to stop breastfeeding, just to introduce some formula too. I don't want to, AIBU?

coraltoes Wed 20-Feb-13 12:27:32


thebody Wed 20-Feb-13 12:28:03

No do what's right for you.

Of course you can read to your other child or chat or cuddle or watch TV
While you feed.

Think dh wants to do the feeding too and that's great but tell him he had to go with you in this one.

HollyBerryBush Wed 20-Feb-13 12:28:30

If he wants to be a part of feeding the baby would it be unreasonable to express some milk and let him do a part feed?

I don't see how excluding a partner from an activity is in any way helpful to the family bonding process.

Ultimately it's your decision.

AnnieLobeseder Wed 20-Feb-13 12:29:51

If his wishes for mix-feeding are entirely out of concern for your children, then he gets to have a say. If it's even remotely about him, no, he doesn't. It's perfectly possible to play and interact with a toddler with a baby on your breast, so the argument about DS1 missing on attention doesn't hold water (unless you are actually neglecting DS1 in any way while feeding, but they doesn't seem likely).

Which leaves his arguments that he wants to feed the baby and get more attention from you. And tough shit, I say. While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with formula, breastmilk is best for his child, and to impose his desire to introduce formula for no reason other than his wants is frankly selfish in the extreme.

AnnieLobeseder Wed 20-Feb-13 12:30:49

If he wants to feed a child, he can feed DS1 while you're nursing DS2.

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 12:31:20

She's just said she struggles to express milk, Holly!

Men who feel excluded from breastfeeding are being a bit daft, tbh. What's the point in expressing and sitting watching them bottle feed?

Branleuse Wed 20-Feb-13 12:33:02

when you say he feels its taking too much time from ds1 and him, what does he mean?? Is it actually taking up a great deal of time?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Wed 20-Feb-13 12:34:14

I found that, it talks about what a man can do to feel involved in the breastfeeding and how they can play a vital role in it, give it a read, maybe you'll find ways to include him.

SirBoobAlot Wed 20-Feb-13 12:35:20

No, YANBU. If things are going well, why complicate it?

And I hate the whole ''a man has to give a bottle to be an involved dad'''. No. There are so many more things they can do.

Shanghaidiva Wed 20-Feb-13 12:37:20

You can interact with a toddler while breastfeeding - chat, watch tv together or look at a book. I don't see that the toddler is being neglected in any way.
Express if you can - and dp can then be involved. However, it is only another 3 months until you may want to start introducing other foods and dp can then be fully involved in the feeding process.
My opinion - if all is going well I wouldn't bother introducing any formula.

JakeBullet Wed 20-Feb-13 12:37:23

There is far more to the bonding process than just feeding though Holly, all those cuddles count and so does all the interaction which goes on every time he does a nappy change etc.


changeforthebetter Wed 20-Feb-13 12:37:43

YANBU perhaps he feels a bit threatened? If you want to ebf then you are actually choosing the best thing for your baby. Feeding via a bottle is only one thing he could do - baths, baby massage, sling, walk to the shops etc. you can read to DS1 while feeding DS2. Please don't introduce bottles unless its something you want to do. It will be you who cops for the majority of bottle washing, sterilising and formula buying. People who want to "feed baby to help" rarely want to do the associated tedious tasks for months on end. Oh and you'll save a fortune and can eat more cake

noblegiraffe Wed 20-Feb-13 12:39:05

If he wants to feel involved with the baby, bath time is a nice one. Or reading bedtime stories. There's nothing intrinsically bonding about bottle feeding that can't be replicated elsewhere.

As for being less available, that's because you have a new baby.

Machadaynu Wed 20-Feb-13 12:41:18

YANBU (I'm a dad of a mixed-fed baby, but I wouldn't have minded if she was exclusively BF. I did do all the sterlising and formula buying though, *changeforthebetter smile )

Inertia Wed 20-Feb-13 12:43:07

YANBU, you are doing what is healthiest for your baby using a method that currently works well for both you and baby.

Your DH wants to switch to something that's more convenient for him.

There are plenty of ways that DH can get involved with caring for the baby- bathtime, playtime, winding, changing/ dressing, bedtime. And he can prepare food for your older child.

MrsDeVere Wed 20-Feb-13 12:44:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VisualiseAHorse Wed 20-Feb-13 12:44:41

Sounds like he's being a bit selfish - your baby is still only very young. Feeding is just a tiny part of parenting, can OH do bath time etc?

changeforthebetter Wed 20-Feb-13 12:46:59

Glad to hear it Mach I used to work in a SureStart centre and it was the mums who would bear the brunt of the washing/sterilising/preparing, unfortunately, having been talked out of bf by DPs, DMs and friends hmm

AllYoursBabooshka Wed 20-Feb-13 12:50:31


Why don't you suggest he takes over bath times with DS2?

That was you get alone time with DS1 and he gets some alone time with the baby.

dozily Wed 20-Feb-13 12:52:19

Yanbu. My 3 dds were ebf. Didn't stop Dh bonding with them at all. I found expressing time-consuming and ineffective so didn't even try with dd3.

I'm glad bf is going so well for you smile

Seriouslysleepdeprived Wed 20-Feb-13 12:53:58


If its working & your happy, just go with it. There are plenty of other things your DH can do. It's not like there is a shortage of activities we two little ones.

DS has not had formula either for similar reasons. It took me ages to establish BFing and I didn't want to mess with it. Plus faffing around with bottles stresses me out. There's always stuff that need to doing that I'm behind on blush

I do express but only if im going out and it suits me. It feels a bit pointless otherwise if I'm there. Once they're older, a feed take 3 mins. You could argue it will leaving more time for your eldest & DH long term smile

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 20-Feb-13 12:54:50

Yanbu. That's about all I can say to that.

Omnishambolic Wed 20-Feb-13 12:58:57

I exclusively breastfed with DC2. I remember feeding sat randomly on the floor all over the house so I could be doing whatever DC1 wanted me to be doing whilst also feeding DC2. I don't think it would have been so easy with bottles (although to be fair I didn't try, so I don't know for sure). What I do know is that I didn't feel I was preventing myself from giving DC1 attention just because I was breastfeeding - the reality of having a new baby, however you feed it, is that you have to share your time. Also you've been through the hardest stage with a newborn feeding all the time and establishing it, feeding gets simpler and quicker from here on so it's no reason to stop now unless you want to.

Dahlialover Wed 20-Feb-13 13:00:05

YANBU I ebf twins with a 2 year old. He had plenty to do and we had a lovely routine. He used to play with his trains whilst the girls were fed. In the afternoons, after toddlers, he used to sit with a drink and watch Countdown (pre CBBC days) with us. I think the babies made his life more interesting.

OH became a dab hand at winding - DS1 was a very windy, non sleeping baby and he was determined these two were going to sleep! They did make him feed one with a bottle in the SCBU (with my milk!) and I am not sure he even remembers it. He did lots of laundry, nappies, bedtime reading and was quite happy to leave the night time feeds to me, helping out if two were awake.

I couldn't express milk after the first few weeks either (expressed loads when they were in SCBU). Seems a pointless waste of time to me.

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