To be thoroughly pissed off about extra additions to ski holiday and to get my clip board out?(139 Posts)
Will try to keep this short. We are lucky enough to be going skiing for 6 days next week. We live in France and will drive to resort, we have our own gear so no ski hire. We are very very lucky in that an acquaintance gives us mates rates on an apartment (half the normal price). All this means that we can afford to go skiing. We still save up for this though in order to pay for our lift passes and lessons for the children - it is a special treat.
DH has invited a friend and his girlfriend to join us for 3 out of the 6 days (he checked with me first and I was perfectly happy with the idea as it is fun to do this sort of thing with other people). They were pleased to come along. However it now turns out that they will be bringing two children with them (the girlfriend's from a previous relationship), when we invited them, the understanding was that the children were with their father that week.
I am really not keen on this happening at all. It means the apartment will be full to bursting (someone will be sleeping on pull out sofa in living room, the only small bedroom will need to have 4 people in it and two people will have to sleep in bunks in the hall). French ski apartments are tiny and there is never enough space to store/dry ski things, and there will be only one combined shower-room with the toilet in it for 8 people. We are self-catering so going to have to organise meals for 4 adults and 4 children around a table that only sits 6 at a squeeze.
Also the two children who now appear to be coming are of the noisy, jump on sofas, talk back to their mum (and others) type. Last time we spent time with them she got pretty frazzled. I feel sorry for them all, she is exhausted, she works full time and a single mum with young children who are obviously finding the upheaval of their parents divorce really hard. That doesn't mean I want to spend 3 days squeezed into a small apartment/going skiing with them though. Even worse, the mum is a beginner skier so I'm not too sure who is going to be in charge of her kids on the slopes as they ski better than she does and I can't see them being content to keep their mum happy on green runs.
AIBU to want to set some ground rules with everybody before we go? Such as each family is responsible for their kids and only their own and can we please not have the blokes off doing the black runs whilst the mums take kids to the toilet/sort lunch for them/sort out another change of dry gloves/drop them off and pick them up from lessons, etc? I also want us to have some idea of what we are going to eat in the evening and to have discussed who is sleeping where before we arrive. Really, I would prefer this not to be happening like this but we are just going to have to get on with it now.
Why are you going to have to get on with it now? Dd they ask you and you said yes? Or have they just told you they're now coming?
If its the latter ring them up and say no, that the invite was just for them and you don't want the appt been too full.
I think I would just tell them that there is only room for 6 in the apartment. Say there was a mix-up and you didn't realise there would be 4 of them.
This is your holiday. Do you really want to ruin it with badly behaved kids in a small space?
I would be unhappy about the unexpected appearance of the two children.
Don't let your holiday be spoilt by this and tell the friend the invitation didn't extend to the children. If they are arsey , so be it.
It's not your problem, sort it now !
I think that you need to have DH ring his friend and apologise for any misunderstanding, but the invitation was for the adults only as the apartment sleeps only 6.
Wow, I'm amazed you didn't just say, how's that going to work? The apartment only sleeps 6.
Also how is your friend, who is doing you a favour with mates rates, going to feel about sofa jumping, noisy kids?
If it has to go ahead, then call her with very specific meal planning, ie, you do spaghetti Bol on Monday for 8, I'll do whatever on Tuesday.
Also , it's not your apartment, would the owner want it to be overfull, insurance purposes and all that?
I don't see the problem.
"Oh, when we invited you we though it would just be the two of you. We don't have space for four of you. If the children can go to their dads then of course you two are still welcome but I understand if you can't come anymore. Sorry for the misunderstanding."
But OP you are being U for pointing out how worthy and good and not at all rich you are and how you absolutely have to save and that this is a treat and you can only go because of mates rates.
No relevant. No one cares if you can afford to go skiing or not!
Surely you just say "no, that isn't possible, the apartment only sleeps six"?
Her kids bouncing on the sofa may mean that your mates rates are no longer available in future.
You have to be clear with them that there is no room for 8, and therefore she'll have to make other arrangements for the DC for those 3 days.
It's not your apt, you can't decide to overfill it. Tell her that the owner stated that it was not possible if you have to.
I think there has been a misunderstanding of some sort along the way - I suspect there has been a change over which holiday week the children are spending with which parent and our friends thought that we were aware of that.
All of this has been done through DH so I'm not too sure of the ins and outs. So they didn't ask us as such, they have obviously assumed that we knew they had the kids that week and were ok with that. There is definitely a lack of communication on both sides - I suspect this is because it is the two men who organised this and one is not a father and my DH doesn't have an issue with the extra children coming really. It is me who is bothered.
The children have been told they are coming and are excited, I think it would be really mean to change that now - especially as I don't really know how clear the initial organisation has been. As I say, we invited them at a time they would normally have been with their dad - I take that as read that we therefore didn't include the children, also the invitation was 'friend and your girlfriend' not 'all of you'.
Aaah, it is just a mess but not through anybody being really imposing or unreasonable.
There needs to be a 'there seems to have been a misunderstanding somewhere' conversation.
I think the OP is just making the point that this is a big treat for them, and so all the more reason to not want it ruined by other people's kids.
OP - I would get your DH to tell them that they can't come if they are bringing the kids, because there is no space.
If the other Mum is a beginner then you are going to end up doing no end of the childcare and so on, because she will be too busy spending an hour doing up her boots!
Apartment officially sleeps 8. French ski apartments always advertise and are insured for their maximum capacity. An apartment that sleeps 8 will be great for 4, OK for 6 and a squeeze for 8. Also our friend who is coming is also friends with the owner of the apartment - the owner will have no issue with them coming.
I think as the only Brit, I will probably be the only person who doesn't want to do the squeeze - French people are used to doing communal squeezed holidays like this.
It may not change the fact that you are going to have them, but it needs to be solidly planned in advance ANYWAY.
She should have double checked, and your H should have spoken to you about it, the minute he realised it was not just friend and GF.
Do they know that the apartment 'officially' is for 8 people? Can you say the insurance only covers 6?
If I was the person who owned the apt I would be mightily pissed off that my goodwill in extending you 'mates rates' has now been abused. Have you not considered how much more it will cost for hot water, heating, electricity, etc. Your mates rates covers the 4 of you, not 8.
I know what you mean about the appts. We've rented an appt that sleeps 6 just for 3 of us. You could squeeze 6 in if you had two people sleeping on the sofa bed and one on the flip down bed in the hall. But no way would I want that many people in such a small space.
Hopefully you won't be in the appt too much.
Yes, the 'I am worthy' stuff is only to make the point that this is a special thing that we do. We live in France nearish a ski resort - everybody skis here and most people do it like us, on the cheap. But is is still something we treat our family to and look forward to.
I think if I'm honest it is more the fact that the kids aren't terribly well behaved that is pissing me off.
Maybe we could try to say this "Oh, when we invited you we though it would just be the two of you. We don't have space for four of you. If the children can go to their dads then of course you two are still welcome but I understand if you can't come anymore. Sorry for the misunderstanding."
It sounds very reasonable when said here anyway!
Just write it off to experience, it's too late to say no to the kids now.
I don't think you need to set ground rules as it'll be taken as rude by the other couple, you'd basically be jumping the gun. By all means see how the first day goes and set rules if needed.
French people ime don't seem to bat an eyelid about telling other people's kids off or having their kids told off by others....as long as you're not screaming at them.
So if they start messing about just firmly say to them that its not acceptable, someone has kindly let you stay in their home and you need to respect the furniture and that if they want to jump about they may go outside in the sow where there's more space. If they carry on, get their coats and boots and tell them to go outside.
The apartment is rented out with a price for the week. The maximum number of people who can stay is 8 - it is then up to you what you do with it. If you choose to go as 4 that is your problem, if you choose to go as 8 that is up to maximum capacity for insurance etc.
We have other friends who rent the same apartment from the same friend and they go as 8 - they pay the same as us.
The friend who is coming with us has been to the apartment before and is friends with the owner too.
I can't use the apartment as the reason they can't come. I would have to be honest and say that i can't face the squeeze.
If the other Mum is a beginner then you are going to end up doing no end of the childcare and so on, because she will be too busy spending an hour doing up her boots! Alibaba - this is one of my main concerns!
Be brave op and tell them the added children and her lack of skiing experience means it's too much for you to cope with, it's your holiday too remember.
What is the opinion of your dh?
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