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to think I should see this as the first warning sign in our relationship?

(128 Posts)
MackleMore Tue 19-Feb-13 23:03:43

I have been dating someone for just over a month, so obviously not been together long, but all going great and we have already said I love you etc.

I was bored tonight and on Facebook and starting browsing through his photos. When I saw a photo of his family - he only mentioned his brother and father to me and there was another man and woman in the photo (both tagged with the same surname as bf)

I clicked on the mans and realised it was bf's older brother and the woman is his SIL - again not friends on facebook. The odd part is they are not friends on facebook - even though they clearly were 2 years ago.

This couple have children, two girls who are his nieces and so he has clearly cut off contact with them too.

I know facebook isn't everything and you delete people all the time - but to delete a sibling?

I don't know whether to find this odd.

wannabedomesticgoddess Tue 19-Feb-13 23:29:53

I have cut out members of my family.

I am perfectly capable of having a normal, non abusive, relationship.

If this man truely loved you he would already have told you about this part of his life. But I expect that after only a month he feels it too soon.

ceeveebee Tue 19-Feb-13 23:30:14

Wow you jumped to some big conclusions there. How on earth do you get from seeing someone with the same name to working out that he has cut off a sibling??

MackleMore Tue 19-Feb-13 23:31:13

Lets not take it to the level of personal remarks shall we? I'm sure you are all intelligent enough to give an opinion without having sly and bitchy digs.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Tue 19-Feb-13 23:31:38

I no longer speak to my toxic mother and druggie brother, vwst decision I ever made. Cutting family out if your life isn't always a bad thing. I assume since he hasn't told you about it (if your assumption is correct) he feels its none of your business yet.

CarpetBagger Tue 19-Feb-13 23:31:42


You sound v young, thats all. Relax, they may be the kind of people who once you met them you would think he was right to cut them out.

squeakytoy Tue 19-Feb-13 23:31:56

yep, hard work..

MackleMore Tue 19-Feb-13 23:32:36

How on earth do you get from seeing someone with the same name to working out that he has cut off a sibling??

He has the same name, has the other brother listed as his brother and the same mum.

Assuming same dad too as they have the same surname.

pictish Tue 19-Feb-13 23:33:31

I love yous within a month, and now further jumping to conclusions??!!

You're not one to wait and see are you? Sheesh!

Good luck with all that!

hiddenhome Tue 19-Feb-13 23:34:02

They're not sly or bitchy digs, it's just we base our lives and relationships on far more than what's written on the dreaded fb hmm

We need to share our hard earned wisdom with you.

LessMissAbs Tue 19-Feb-13 23:34:32

You only want to date people with perfectly happy family relationships with all their siblings? And take it as a "first warning sign" (nothing like being pessimisstic, eh?) in your relationship?

Good luck with that one.

If I was your DP, I'd take your reaction as the first warning sign...

Alternatively, as has been pointed out above, saying I love you after only a month is one of the most reliable "warning signs" there is...

LessMissAbs Tue 19-Feb-13 23:36:16

I have to also say, I always took it as a "warning sign" if a man was too dependent on his family and lived in their pockets, instead of having an independent life.

MackleMore Tue 19-Feb-13 23:38:43

Alternatively, as has been pointed out above, saying I love you after only a month is one of the most reliable "warning signs" there is..

I read a thread on here not too long ago about fast relationships and saying they don't work

So many posters came on and said you're wrong, we said I love you in a week, we moved in after 2 weeks. We just knew.

And no-one said anything bad about those people.

wiltingfast Tue 19-Feb-13 23:39:04

Well OP I think it's potentially odd and quite possibly a warning sign and best thing to do is ask and see if it pans out that way. Loads of people on MN seem to have serious issues with their family (as you can see from all the replies) but for me it would certainly not be normal to cut off family, I'd want to know why, I'd feel I almost certainly wouldn't get the full story and I'd wonder if I really wanted to get involed in a family like that.


teacherandguideleader Tue 19-Feb-13 23:39:18

I've cut two people from my immediate family off of facebook

The first because she was dating someone who social services disapproved of and didn't want in her home with her children. I disagreed with her life choice, but also with my job and other things I do with children, I did not want there to be a link to her partner.

The second I cut off because of her constant annoying status updates and ridiculous photos.

My point is, the reason for cutting someone out could be something, it could be nothing.

squeakytoy Tue 19-Feb-13 23:44:14

Maybe they came off facebook because your boyfriend had a bunny boiler girlfriend in the past who was stalking all his family and making wild accusations of rifts etc...


MackleMore Tue 19-Feb-13 23:48:40

Maybe squeaky but I thank the Lord that I am not you. Bitterness oozes out of every post you make - for the record I have never seen you say anything nice to anyone, instead you would rather be cruel.

Says a lot about you.

For me to cut a family off is a big thing, immediate family especially. To cut off your brother and sil and therefore ultimately making the choice to no longer be involved in your nieces life isn't something I should just dismiss.

squeakytoy Tue 19-Feb-13 23:49:33

Bitterness.. lol!!!

I am not the one who sounds crazy on this thread love...

Greensleeves Tue 19-Feb-13 23:49:38

I have permanently estranged relatives (mother, siblings) sad

I would like to think people don't decide I am a no-hoper because of it!

I was a mentally unstable high-maintenance nightmare BEFORE I binned them. Not so much now.

wannaBe Tue 19-Feb-13 23:51:46

you see it as a warning sign that someone you're seeing unfriended someone on facebook? seriously? Here have this grip. (mn can we have a grip emoticon pleaaasssse????) grin

Fwiw op how do you know it's his brother?

LeaveTheBastid Tue 19-Feb-13 23:52:22

You are bonkers confused why have you got it in your head that he cut them out?

Maybe they just posted shit status updates/pictures all day long, or your boyfriend did, and so they just deleted each other?

LittleEdie Tue 19-Feb-13 23:52:46

Maybe the brother stopped using facebook and he had a 'cleanup' of his friends.

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 19-Feb-13 23:56:21

Hey, hang about.

I'm with leavethe.

How do you know he deleted them, or for any bad reason?

I love my brothers dearly but they barely ever use facebook and I wouldn't be at all fussed if they deleted me. We just don't happen to communicate like that. DH doesn't even have a facebook profile any more, so his brothers aren't on there.

After just one month, I think you're jumping the gun.

Why not just ask him about his family and go from his responses, not from amateur detective work on facebook?

lurkedtoolong Wed 20-Feb-13 00:00:00

My DH and his brother don't speak and have unfriended each other on Facebook. If we weren't together and he was dating someone new I doubt he'd mention his brother for a while.

There's nothing wrong with DH or his brother or sinister in their relationship. They are just very different people with very different lives who ended up arguing too often when they were together so DH decided to step away and has been much happier since.

breatheslowly Wed 20-Feb-13 00:00:09

I removed my BIL from my friends on FB because he posts drivel which I find irritating. I haven't cut him out of my life, I just don't want him posting drivel that my friends can see.

Some people post really irritating stuff on FB, it can be racist, those stupid chain things, stuff about ill children they don't know or comments that are cryptic to most but clearly digs at people. Obviously the people who post these things have different ideas about what is good FB material to me. I hide people who repeatedly post rubbish unless they are also likely to post rubbish that my other friends will see, in which case I have to delete them as I have work friends on FB and I can't afford for my professional reputation to be damaged.

I think the first warning sign may be that you are thinking interns of "warning signs".

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 20-Feb-13 00:02:51

What I find odd is that you've jumped to the conclusion that he's cut them out his life (dramatic, much?). And that you've said your I love yous already.

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