to be upset about sister?(39 Posts)
Please tell me if im being unreasonable or not, I cant work it out.
Basically me and my little sister have always been really close (she is a lot younger than me, only 19)
A few months ago I had a baby, sisters first niece, parents first grandchild et c.
Sounds really trivial but my sister does not show one bit of interest in my dd, never wants to come see her, never wants to talk about her etc. Never bought her a xmas present ( which I can understand, being on a trainee wage, but the thought that counts etc)
Basically things came to a head last night when I went to visit, im trying my hardest to forge a relationship between aunt and niece.
DD is only 10 months so has recently found her voice so is very loud and vocal at the moment, however she was choosing to chatter through hollyoaks so my sister said 'cant you shove a dummy in its gob to shut her up?'
Am I being unreasonble to be upset that my sister doesnt show an interest? Or aibu because my sister is young and im being all pfb?
Thank you all for the replies.
I have felt awful all day for posting this because I do really love my sister, and I know she would be horrified if she saw this post.
Im just going to let things progress as they will, hoping she will take more of an interest as dd gets older. I have noticed my younger brother (26) has engaged hell of a lot more with dd now she is more responsive and play games with him! In fact I cant get rid of him he always comes to visit dd which I think is lovely!
Her comment was rude but at age 19 she is prob at a different stage in her life. There is a gap between me and my siblings. I was 16 when I became an auntie! Most of my nieces and nephews were born when I was around 18/19, I can remember coming in at 2am and my mum telling me my nephew had been born, that kind of thing. I used to babysit a bit for one of my sisters and always bought pressies etc. I didn't start having babies until my 30s and although my youngest is only 5, I am a great aunt too! Tbh I am always going to be out of sync with my siblings! My way of dealing with that is to have friends at that same stage I am at. Maybe when your sis is a bit older you can ask her to babysit for you, I bet she will get more interested then :-)
When I was 19 I thought all babies looked like potatoes. Children are more interesting once they can talk + do stuff. Referring to your DD as "it" was rude though. You can tease your sister about that later
No yanbu. Of course many 19 year olds aren't particularly interested in babies but that baby is her Niece and she can keep a polite tongue in her head when you are there.
I would be very pissed off she refererred to her as 'it' aswell.
Tell your mother and then wait for an apology. I wouldn't be contacting her.
I'll be honest she sounds very immature and a bit jealous really. My DSD is 20, she also has no interest in babies but quite a few of her friends have had babies in the past couple of years. She plays with them, buys them toys, takes them out, changes their nappies etc. She was the same when her sisters were babies. I don't think what you're describing is a normal reaction for a 19 year old, especially one that actually works with children.
My DD is 20 and she just has no interest at all in babies and wouldn't know how to act around one. If she said what your sister said i would assume she was trying to be funny (and failing a bit). Some people are just not keen on babies but she might be able to relate to it better once your DD is a bit older and being more responsive. Don't force the issue and let the relationship develop in its own time.
Age really isnt the issue, from 15 i was helping my mum babysit my nephew, i loved it, then from 16 i was babysitting my little sister, so i dont think age is the factor, its a personal preference factor.
I'm sorry you can't expect a 19 year old to necessarily be interested in a baby. I wouldn't have been either. Noisey little things.
Just talk to her.
My twin sister shows very little interest in any of my 3. I find it sad really as genetically they share our genes so they could be hers iyswim
I am hoping she may come round when her and partner have children of their own...
Did you point out what a hypocrite your sister was being Megatron?
AW I don't think YABU at all. My daughter has a serious life long medical condition and my sister NEVER asks how she or shows any interest at all. Yet she got upset when I forgot that her daughter was taking part in a dance display (had been up all night with my daughter). Its hurtful isn't it?
Your sister is 19, she's an adult not a child and I think its awful that she shows no interest. I was 18 when my first niece was born and was besotted from day one. She doesn't need to be like that but she certainly should not be referring to her as 'it'.
She is being really rude and unkind.
I can see though that while her job indicates she may be interested in babies of her own one day, at the moment she wants to separate work and social time and use the latter to make the most of being young and free.
I have zero interest in other peoples babies and kids tbh.
But, your sister sounds really quite nasty.
Sorry, just to add I think that is pretty immature behaviour for a 19 year old.
I don't think yabu at all. If she is a nursery nurse then she clearly is interested in babies and children.
It sounds to me as though she is jealous. I would find her attitude upsetting but think your idea to distance yourself is a good one.
If she's the youngest and used to lots of attention the baby has stolen her crown.
Babies are not that interesting per se. She could affect an interest, given the relationship but is probably still forming and declaring her own identity, in an immature teenage way, as well as feeling that settling down to a mundane family life is the furthest thing from her mind as a young adult.
Oh dear. What she said was ill-judged and uncalled for, but she probably meant it as a (badly aimed) joke. Don't take it too personally. Your sister is obviously a bit immature for 19 and is behaving a bit more like a 15 year old! You can't force a bond; lots of people just don't warm to small babies and don't knwo how to interact with them. I bet by the time your DD is 5 or 6 and your little sis older, and maybe dreaming have some of her own she'll be falling over herself to take her out for the day, buy her nice things, and will revel in being the favourite auntie. Just give it time, and roll your eyes at her in the meantime.
I reckon she's just upset that her role as beloved baby of the family has been stripped away from her and she's had no choice in the matter.
All of a sudden she's had to grow up a whole generation overnight - from baby of the family which tends to be a nice cushy place with lots of perks, to being 'just' an aunt which doesn't (in her eyes) make up for it and she's struggling to adapt.
I think her comment was extremely out of order (a d quite worrying for someone who works in childcare). I'd probably see her less until she could be civil to her niece. It's not nice to actually be nasty to a baby.
I do think at 19 its very hard to show an interest in anyone but a) self or b) BF. But the comment about the dummy was, arm, rude.
I think YANBU to find her rude but YABU to expect her to "take an interest".
Some people are just not into babies. My husband said 'He couldn't really see the point of the baby stage, the most uninteresting stage of a person' and yet he changed as many nappies as I did, got up as many times in the night as I. Once they started to walk and talk he he was much more interested. Maybe that is why she is more chatty about the (older) children at nursery.
I know your DC is her niece but 19 year olds (kids - well come on they still are) are pretty self centred. I agree with Toodles, don't stress yourself out, distance yourself from it and hopefully she will come round if and when she wants to
I wasn't remotely interested in my niece when she was that age. The relationship didn't become meaningful until much later.
Thanks birdsgottafly, nice to know someone shares my point of view.
I did react, but dsis has a way of making out she said things tongue in cheek, hence making me look silly and over reacting.
To be honest I think I will just distance myself for the time being, stop trying to force it and let sis come round if she wants to.
"I think the thing that upsets me is that dsis works as a nursery nurse and speaks so fondly of other children yet wont engage with dd, her niece"
Those children are "work", though. When you speak fondly of something at work, it's usually something that made your day easier, cheered you up, got you some brownie points with your boss etc. Not neccessarily 'personal' fondness IYSWIM. And perhaps, if she compartmentalises babies/children as 'work' she has even less interest in them when she's not at work?
If she didn't work as a nursery nurse then perhaps, but to call any child "it", shows there's a problem.
It's a wonder you didn't react.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.