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AIBU?

to want to be on the deeds of my new husbands flat

116 replies

mpi · 17/02/2013 14:37

i married by partner of 4 years last october and moved into a flat which he owns outright...when we have argued he has threatened to throw me out and change the locks which has made me feel insecure....when we last made up and i explained how insecure this made me feel he offered voluntarily to put the flat in our joint names...after cancelling several solicitors appointments he now says he never understood what joint ownership meant, and now he refuses to do it and has stormed out (again) accusing me of trying to con him out of half his house.
Am i being unreasonable to think that when married...what we each have is shared?

OP posts:

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chickensarmpit · 17/02/2013 14:41

Sorry but he seems to be a right shit head. Are you sure this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 14:42

Regardless of whether you are on the deeds or not, you would still be entitled to a proportion of his assets should you divorce, provided you can show you contributed to the marriage.

If you weren't amrried you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Why does he think you are conning him out of half his house?

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 17/02/2013 14:43

Yeah, threatens to throw you out when you argue, storms off in a huff, is this the kind of man who want to spend you life with.

Bearbehind · 17/02/2013 14:44

I don't think you ABU to want to feel secure but I do think YABU to think you should automatically be entitled to half a flat that you have not contributed to.

I'm sure he could get some kind of agreement drawn up which puts you on the deeds and entitles you to half of any valuation gains (or to be responsible for half of any valuations losses) from this point onwards.

He does sound very controlling though, that is pretty dispicable that he turns this on you every time you have an arguement. I'd be more worried about that than the actual financial aspect.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 17/02/2013 14:45

I really think you have far bigger issues than being on the deeds tbh. He obviously doesn't see you as an equal. Why are you with him?

notsoevilstepmum · 17/02/2013 14:45

you would be best getting a place together starting afresh he could rent his flat out or sell it and you buy one together unfortunately this is always going to be an issue as you are not on equal footing with this flat it will always be his no matter what in his eyes anyway.

notsoevilstepmum · 17/02/2013 14:46

if roles where reveresed would you be giving up half of your flat you had worked to pay off before u met or had been left by a family member i dont think i would.

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 14:47

Yes, you can get (I think this is the term) a tennants in common deed rather than a joint deed - TBH - I 'd have my suspicions raised if some bloke wanted half my house - an agreement that you get x% of any raise in house price after the date of your wedding would seem logical.

Sallyingforth · 17/02/2013 14:49

Why on earth did you marry this guy?

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 14:49

How does the rest of the finances work out between you? joint accounts? pooled resources? 50/50 on bills?

Pandemoniaa · 17/02/2013 14:53

And you married him? It strikes me that your problems go way beyond shared ownership, tbh. Anyone who is already talking about throwing you out seems less than committed to the marriage.

Pandemoniaa · 17/02/2013 14:55

Am i being unreasonable to think that when married...what we each have is shared?

In this respect though, YABU.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 17/02/2013 15:00

Obviously you want security, as someone said, get a place together, that gives you equal footing, his flat is then his own, to sell or rent.

I understand hes protecting his flat, as some greedy people will take what they never helped get.

But you need to find a way of security.

mpi · 17/02/2013 15:02

i agree that we should move to a new place and share ownership/tennancy - but he refuses to move
and yes i pay half of all bills
its difficulut to see clearly when somebody is angry and tries to turn the situation into something completely different form how i perceived it

OP posts:

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 17/02/2013 15:06

Sounds weird, but if you can, you get your own place, and dont contribute to his.

Because he obviously is happy to take your money but very happy to boot you out when he feels like it.

Cosmosim · 17/02/2013 15:06

He can't just throw you out and change the locks. He also can't just sell the flat (you can file a paper with land registry to stop him from selling the marital home for a £1 to his brother). Go to relationships, there's lots of advice there on this scenario.

ComposHat · 17/02/2013 15:06

He sounds like a proper tool threatening to chuck you out etc. However I do think you are unreasonable to expect him to sign over half of the house he's paid off to you.

To be honest if someone kept on Gatting on about wanting half of my house, alarm bells would be ringing in my head.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/02/2013 15:06

Married 4 years and he talks to you like this? I've been with my Dh for 25 years and never has any such thing been said. The balance of power in your relationship is seriously wrong.

OHforDUCKScake · 17/02/2013 15:06

Threatens to throw you out and change the locks?

Has he always been an arsehole?

OHforDUCKScake · 17/02/2013 15:07

Hang on a finger licking minute.

You pay half the monthly mortgage?

Bearbehind · 17/02/2013 15:08

He sounds a real catch- not! He refuses to move but refuses to give you any kind of security. I really think the shared ownership is the least of your problems.

The trouble is YABU to think you should get half his flat automatically so even though he us angry, the way you perceive the situation is wrong too.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/02/2013 15:08

OHfor

No, there is no mortgage. She pays half of the bills

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fuckwittery · 17/02/2013 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 17/02/2013 15:09

ducks OP said her husband bought the flat outright so there's no mortgage to pay.

racmun · 17/02/2013 15:09

Basically there is the legal ownership and beneficial ownership. If you have contributed to the mortgage then in Equity you are considered a beneficial owner and entitled to some of the value regardless of what the title says. Could cost a fortune though to go through the chancery court and get it sorted.

Owning the property as tenants in common gives you a % whatever that may be and you would be on the title.

Assuming it's mortgaged you need the mortgage company's consent to do the transfer of Equity.

You both need to consider doing wills as any previous wills are revoked by marriage.

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