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Split of costs in a marriage AIBU?

(52 Posts)
Mugofteaforme Sun 17-Feb-13 13:21:38

I've been married to a great woman for seven months (proceeded by a six year relationship). So we can get married I put all the expenses on my credit card (I know I know), and additionally until recently pay all the household bills. My wife has just come to term with her creditors for reduced payments so she's now about £600 a month better off. Out of this £600 she gives me £130 a month so I'm paying the rent + expenses of about £1000 a month and the Wedding costs of about £400 a month. I earn £27000 a year and my wife about £18-20000. If I was a rich man I wouldn't worry, but I'd love to know what a typical split would be. We don't have any children. AIBU to expect more financial help.

INeedThatForkOff Sun 17-Feb-13 13:30:08

Well with the same earnings, we pool everything we have. That's what works for us. Obviously I don't know much about your circumstances.

Purple2012 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:30:39

We earn different amounts. My husband earns more so pays more in to the joint account. We each have the same amount of our own money each month and put the rest in the joint account. Although he has a daughter so we spend a lot on her.

Also it was my money that paid for the deposit for the house and all the furniture and my savings bonds that boost our savings. I also get regular gifts from my parents that all gets put in the pot.

Cornflowerdreams Sun 17-Feb-13 13:31:31

Why don't you create a common account and take everything that is shared costs, like rent, food, bills from there?

I'd try to put in that common account the same proportion of your salaries, eg 80% of yours and 80% of hers. You'll be putting more in as you make more money but then she'll prob end up with less in her account as she makes less.

Also, please consider who does a lot of the housework or childcare, if you have children, as this should be taken into account as labour in your common finances.

Considering that you do childcare and domestic work 50/50, a common account is IMO the best solution.

Squitten Sun 17-Feb-13 13:31:32

I think a split is irrelevant in your situation. If you are carrying large debts, all money beyond a minimum for leisure should be put into paying them off. Once the debt is clear, then you can look at household costs.

soverylucky Sun 17-Feb-13 13:33:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornflowerdreams Sun 17-Feb-13 13:34:14

Sorry, just realised you said you don't have children, so please ignore that part of my comment.

Your wedding debts should come from that common account too.

gymboywalton Sun 17-Feb-13 13:35:39

erm...when we were saving for our wedding, we lived on my fiance's salary and all my salary was wedding money

Pigsmummy Sun 17-Feb-13 13:36:47

Transfer to 0% credit card and get a household account to pay into? Work out how much living expenses are and each pay into the account, as you earn more maybe pay 65%?

Christelle2207 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:38:02

We both have our own money but put the same proportion of both our salaries (about 60%) into joint account and a further 20% into joint savings. This pays for mortgage, bills, food, and stuff we do together like meals out and holidays.
But not clothes, hair apppointments etc which we pay ourselves.

Dh earns a bit more than me, hence his contribution is slightly higher.

HecateWhoopass Sun 17-Feb-13 13:38:41

Dunno. We just chuck all our money in one pile and everything comes out of it.

I'm lazy grin and it's far easier to just see everything we have as ours and not get into my money, your money, my sofa, your fridge, my kettle, your toaster, you owe me a tenner for the gas, I owe you a fiver for the electric...

I've always thought if you do keep money separate within a marriage, it's probably fairer to work on percentages. Put the same percentage of your money into the pot. It's not fair if the lower earner puts the same amount of cash in, because they're paying a higher percentage of their total income. iyswim.

Or chuck everything into the pot to start with and each have the same amount of personal money each month transferred back out into personal accounts.

What does your wife think would be fair?

Isandri Sun 17-Feb-13 13:46:02

Me and my husband earn the same so both transfer the same amount of money to a joint account. All joint spends come out of that account. The money in our individual accounts is spending money. All extra money overtime etc is used for treats or if we are feeling boring goes towards the mortgage.

Mugofteaforme Sun 17-Feb-13 13:51:05

Thank you all for your responses. I think we'll just have to chat as I feel my backs against the financial wall. Thanks all again.

maddening Sun 17-Feb-13 13:51:51

Get together and do a joint income and expenditure - your dw will have done some recently in order to apply for reduced payments. Out of your joint income take all debt repayments, living costs etc etc then you will have a disposable income (not much if dw is on arrangements to pay) and you could split that between you however you see fit - you could split equally or pro rata based on how much you put in.

Booyhoo Sun 17-Feb-13 13:52:58

i'm with hec

i couldn't be getting on with working out proportions and who paid for what. just put it all in one account. clear the debts as fast as you can together as it is your joint future you will be freeing up that money for! pay everything out of one account.

EuroShagmore Sun 17-Feb-13 13:55:16

We pay into a joint account for all bills and mortgage. They payments are in proportion to our incomes (roughly). Everything else is our own money, although we do discuss larger purchases. I think you need to have a chat. You earn 57% of your joint 47k salary, but seem to be paying way more than 57% of everything. You need to come to an agreement on the debt situation too, imo.

specialsubject Sun 17-Feb-13 13:59:12

with large debts an expensive wedding was maybe not a good idea.

YANBU to expect financial responsibility - why did she pick up the debts? Has she changed her habits? Are you protected if she hasn't?

usually couples pool money, regardless of whose account it is in, but that does rely on both having the same attitude to it. I think you have bigger fish to fry.

What everyone else has said. When we were first married, it was a matching percentage of what we earned. To pay for everything & for short and lo v term savings. Whatever was left over was personal m

maddening Sun 17-Feb-13 14:03:01

Ps it may be that you both need to go on atp's but beware that it would impact your credit file negatively - but if you can't cover your expenses is better than insolvency.

I don't think you'll get a true picture of where you are financially as a couple until you both sit down and lay it all out.

You might be able to identify areas you can make savings - downgrade car/mobiles/tv packages etc

It sounds like you both have an issue budgeting and are right to draw a line under it abd sort it out now.

Ps make sure your dw is either doing her own financial arrangements re reduced payment plans or using a free service ie cccs - as the other companies take around £50 a month out of what she pays in to be split between her creditors which obviously means that it would take longer to pay back the debts.

maddening Sun 17-Feb-13 14:05:56

Pps if she has shaved £600 off her minimum payments by going on reduced payments then she has A LOT of debt

Damn phone

Money. Fair & if one person got a pay rise, we both benefitted. At first he was on almost double my salary, but I quickly caught up.

Now I'm a SAHM it's everything (initially my mat pay but then my redundancy, any financial gifts from family) into the account. We have a long term budget (3 years!) and the same amount of pocket money as each other.

I would suggest that as debts need to be paid, yourspendi g money is kept to a bare minimum & don't get any more credit. This time will be hard, but you need to shake the debt.

nicelyneurotic Sun 17-Feb-13 14:32:13

My husband earns £15k more than me. He pays the mortgage and car costs and I pay for food and bills. We split child-related costs. I am able to save more doing this so I contribute more towards holidays, repairs, new furniture, home improvements etc. Works well for us.

£18,000 isn't much really. How much does she have after her transport costs, phone, debt repayments, essential hair/clothes/makeup costs etc? Go from there.

Mugofteaforme Sun 17-Feb-13 15:08:57

Thanks nicely, but with all essentials considered I've got a surplus of about £80 a month, whereas DW now has about £500. Like I said if I was lucky enough to be wealthy I wouldn't butt an eyelid, but I simply go to work to exist, and that's soul destroying.

GingerJulep Sun 17-Feb-13 15:25:00

We agreed to do the wedding 50/50 (I earn more and had more savings but both perfectly well off enough and no debts) but still haven't sorted it (or the subsequent flat purchase) out. And now he is giving up work to look after the flat (and later, children) it will be different again.

It doesn't matter to us as we've similar attitudes towards saving/spending and trust each other.

Given the mess your wife-to-be has been in you might want something more formal.

And you can have a perfectly nice wedding for (2012 figures... around 400pounds for 10 people or 3200 for 100 - we did both in Central London.)

If you have debts don't start off the marriage by creating new ones!

NotSoNervous Sun 17-Feb-13 15:28:25

Whatever either of us earn is both of ours, everything goes in the same pot

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