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To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

(195 Posts)
frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 09:12:49

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

nicelyneurotic Sun 17-Feb-13 09:59:15

I wouldn't be offended and would actually be pleased you told me, I'd hate for a guest to be freezing and having a miserable time.

I'm always warm and find some people's houses unbearably hot so would have no idea how you were feeling!

GirlOutNumbered Sun 17-Feb-13 10:00:20

Rude! My MIL does this! Just wear some more clothes, it's my house I decide the temperature!

verylittlecarrot Sun 17-Feb-13 10:00:43

surprised at the number of responses suggesting OP is a medical freak for feeling the cold and should dress for an artic expedition when visiting (minus coat because of course that would be rude)

as a host I would be horrified if a guest was that uncomfortable in my home, and would offer whatever I could to make them more comfortable. I certainly wouldn't expect them to take their coat off and feel worse so that I can pretend my home isn't in fact the igloo it apparently is.

I sympathise OP!

Thingiebob Sun 17-Feb-13 10:01:02

If you are cold, keep your coat on. I would prob offer you a blanket as well.

Is this another MN thing I have been totally unaware of all my life. Leaving your coat on in someone's house is rude?


defineme Sun 17-Feb-13 10:02:47

I have cashmere from charity shops-it does make a difference and I think coats that look like jumpers are the answer. There are cardigans thst reach the floor too.
If you can be dx with raynauds at least you have a medical excuse.

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 10:04:03

Anyone who expects me to suddenly be able to provide them with a a higher standard than I can offer my family really isn't a friend.

I expect my friends to accept our situation, and work round it, just as I accept whatever theirs is and work around that.

Real friends are people who know all about you and whatever situations you're in and like you anyway, and vice versa.

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 10:06:57

I generally try and be as apologetic and tactful as possible e.g. "Sorry I'm a little chilly, I tend to feel abnormally cold." when I'm actually shivering and wondering why my host has the heating off/ has the back door open for the cats.

I do realise that some people really do find it difficult to afford to heat their homes, but what's the alternative? Meeting me at their home and turning the heating on for 2 hours is probably still cheaper than driving to my home (petrol) or meeting in a warm cafe. If anyone knows of a free warm mutual meeting place where you can chat for a couple of hours I'd like to hear it.

Pickles101 Sun 17-Feb-13 10:13:32

The 'we lose most of our heat through our heads' thing is twaddle and has been regarded so for some time.

TBF OP if you were in my home shivering with your coat on I'd offer to turn the heating up for you - or at least shut some doors to trap some heat. And then I'd pour dozens of cups of tea down you.

forevergreek Sun 17-Feb-13 10:14:57

I Understand your problem. I am always freezing, our home is currently 23 degrees yet I am still wearing several layers. When I leave the house or vist people it takes ages putting extra layers on.

My parents have no central heating just an open fire and I honestly can't breathe/ sleep there ( was the same growing up). I generally avoid visiting in the winter due to this. We last visited before Xmas and myself/ dh and kids all shared the bed to keep warm!

I wouldn't think it is rude to say you feel the cold. I would suggest some merino wool layers if possible. The thermals are great and a nice cardigan over the other layers helps me not shiver. I get cold easily and it's really uncomfortable. My joints/ bones ache in the cold and my head begins to hurt..

ILikeBirds Sun 17-Feb-13 10:16:46

Small slim person and always hot could suggest hyperthyroid Oopsadaisy

Meglet Sun 17-Feb-13 10:24:41

21 degrees isn't hot! Mines set to 24 today and I'm in thermals.

frogspoon I have to plan ahead when I'm visiting other houses. Usually wear thermal layers, although I still get cold as the air is cold. The cold sets my IBS off and makes me quite miserable when it's cold.

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 17-Feb-13 10:32:52

Seriously, if you are wearing all that and are still cold, you may have a problem. Go and see your GP.
Also agree with wearing coats that are not coats (fleeces) inside.
Sitting in someone's house in a padded feather down coat (for example) is plain rude.

catpark Sun 17-Feb-13 10:33:49

When did you last go to your doctor about this ? If it's been a while then you should go back and ask for further testing.

It could be a circulation problem you have, how are you during the summer ?

It could also be your thyroid. Usually with an underactive thyroid you put on weight but some people lose weight instead. If you have an overactive thyroid then you usually do feel hot alot but you can also feel really cold in the winter, as if it's really overactive you probably won't have a lot of body fat to keep you warm as it gets used to run your body instead. Your thyroid also helps to regulate your temperature.

I was always really skinny and used to freeze in the winter, had chilblains on toes etc. and consultants think i probably had an undiagnosed overactive thyroid. (Don't have a thyroid now due to cancer as they think it was so overactive it burnt itself out)

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 17-Feb-13 10:35:51

Also, thing is, your comfort may be someone else's discomfort. Why should someone put the heating up (then have to strip down to a vest top themselves) just so you are not chilly?

Pigsmummy Sun 17-Feb-13 10:38:55

Work on improving your circulation? Brisk walks on a cold day? Keeping your home very warm and huddling with an electric heater is just going to make you feel cold when you go out and making the issue worse? Try turning down the heating slighty, half or one degree at a time wont be nori able but will help, When you feel cold get active? Star jumps, jog on the spot? Our bodies work hard to keep us warm so try to work with it?

As for clothes swap wool with cashmere? Loads of cashmere in charity shops right now and go to a decent outdoor shop for light weight warming layers and gloves, then when you visit a friend just stick on an additional light weight mid layer top and you will be warmer. leaving a coat on is ok but asking someone to turn their heating is just rude.

ophelia275 Sun 17-Feb-13 10:41:36

Why is it rude to keep your coat on if you are cold in someone else's house? I always keep my coat on if I am cold. My host would rather I feel comfortable than be freezing and bad company.

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 10:42:16

pickles I'm sorry if I'm talking twaddle and everyone knows it but me.

There are more decent ways of informing someone they're wrong and behind the times.

What I do know to be fact is it makes all the difference to my comfort in constantly low temperatures, even if my understanding of why is incorrect.

frustratedworkingmum Sun 17-Feb-13 10:45:11

I'd be mortified if you did this in my house - i can't afford to have the heating on during the day so that would make me feel really crap.

Dolallytats Sun 17-Feb-13 10:46:52

I'm the complete opposite, I always feel too hot. This is even worse now I am pregnant as I have been getting hot flushes-horrible!! I wouldn't be offended if someone kept their coat on (yes mum, I'm looking at you!!). I might even put the heating on for a little bit-but only for a little bit because the heat can make me feel dizzy and a bit sick. My mum and sisters always moan it is cold in my flat and my other sisters house, they haven't figured out that it may be them, not us!!

Saying that, my mum heats her house like it's a sauna-my school friends used to have to wait outside because it was so hot in there. I didn't notice it when I lived at home, but after leaving, I can't stand it!!

HorraceTheOtter Sun 17-Feb-13 10:47:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChairmanWow Sun 17-Feb-13 10:48:43

I wouldn't want someone in discomfort in my home, but personally I'd rather you just spoke out than sat there in your coat. It would just feel like you were dropping hints, and I hate that.

Mind you if the temperature goes over 20 in our house I'm gasping for air and having to stick my head out of the window so you'd probably be having a blanket chucked over you.

It's not rude to ask though. Not sure why it's being treated as such a big issue.

Bogeyface Sun 17-Feb-13 10:49:06

It depends on the friend I think. My friend knows that I am nesh and doesnt take offence at me keeping my coat on, especially as she rarely has her heating on even in winter and admits her house is cold. If it is someone I dont know well, then I just suck it (and have a bath as soon as I get home as its the only way I can properly warm up!)

Maleeka Sun 17-Feb-13 10:49:21

YANBU, i also suffer from being cold all the time, I have a friend who brings down a blanket for me when i visit, specially when she lights up a fag and stands with the door open!

I remember going to the Science museum with my family and looking at the heat sensor exhibit. I had worn my thermal gloves from the minute i left the house and was still wearing them, and when i looked at the image, my hands were blue! and my familys hands were lovely and white and they were not wearing gloves!

Clearly i am very good at complaining that im cold because everyone i visit either has a blanket for me or turn up the heating and suffer in silence grin

aufaniae Sun 17-Feb-13 10:50:29

I would be honest that you feel the cold and bring some extra layers with you. I wouldn't expect you to suffering silence at my house and would turn the heating up for you.

However if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't ask for the hearing to be put up for you. I'd just hope the host would take the hint, I'd leave it open to them, rather than directly asking for the heat to be put on.

A family member feels the cold and always insists on the heat being put up. When she's around, the house is oppressively hot. She sits there reasonably dressed while those of us who don't like heat suffer. (I find heat very uncomfortable). I think insisting on everyone else being too hot (and costing money) so she can be comfortable is unfair.

HorraceTheOtter Sun 17-Feb-13 10:53:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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