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To not let him change/bath baby

(59 Posts)
Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 19:27:27

Okay, mil has a relatively new partner, they have been together 18 months and are getting married in a few months. Dp and I have met him quite a few times but aren't too sure about him (there's a few reasons for this but would take forever). He's very over familiar yet we consider him pretty much a 'stranger' to our dd. mil was bathing ds and he was in bathroom too. The next night, dp and i left dd with mil for an hour while we had Chance for heart to heart sat in the car! we went Indoors abd her partner was Bathing dd alone. i just feel uncomfortable with this as they live quite Far away from Us and we Dont see them very Often so i dont feel we know Him well enough. There's nothing sinister here and I do not think anything badly of him but it doesn't feel 'right'.

RainbowsFriend Sat 16-Feb-13 21:40:25

YANBU and I would find that behaviour markedly strange and suspicious. And yes, I would wonder whether he is "grooming" your MIL for access to grandchildren.

Some men (and some women) are indeed paedophiles.

Sashapineapple Sat 16-Feb-13 21:28:45

YANBU. I wouldn't let a stranger bath my DD.
Actually nobody but me or DH baths/changes nappies of DS & DD. I see no reason for anyone else to do it (sahm).

soimpressed Sat 16-Feb-13 21:18:30

I would never bath a child/ baby without asking a parents permission. I really think you have to go with your instincts in these situations.

PurpleBlossom Sat 16-Feb-13 21:09:13

That is very strange OP.

What man would take a child not related to them and that they barely know off for a unneeded bath?!

It's not normal behaviour. You need to protect your DD from this man.

ChewinTheFat Sat 16-Feb-13 21:04:10


ChewinTheFat Sat 16-Feb-13 21:03:16

Yanbu. My mums partner makes me uneasy. He kept going on about my 3 dc's staying for a sleepover. No frigging chance, don't know 1 thing about him. It has affected my relationship with my mum. I can't stand the guy, he's a liar and a cheat with an alcohol problem and handy with his fists, my gut reaction was right. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could through him. Follow your instincts.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:59:13

I am pretty relaxed generally but around him I'm not, I just don't like him. We were really cross that he had bathed her and I didn't understand why as she would have to go back into clothes that she had on all day even though she was clean! We just said, oh she didn't need a bath because we were both pretty shocked that he'd taken it upon himself to do it. I know I don't know him very well but even though I find him very odd, it hasn't set alarm bells ringing because I genuinely just think he's an idiot, however, it will not be happening again as dd will NEVER be left with them again. Thanks for all replies.

BrianButterfield Sat 16-Feb-13 20:57:10

I agree that's odd. The only person other than me and DH who would bathe DS without expressly being told to would be my DM and only if really needed. Surely the norm is for people to be very reluctant to bathe random children, relations or not!

AThingInYourLife Sat 16-Feb-13 20:51:54

"Males you don't know very well do not equal peadophiles."


Some males do "equal paedophile".

And the ones who take babies off for baths they don't need at the first opportunity are showing signs that they might "equal paedophile".

iwantanafternoonnap Sat 16-Feb-13 20:44:14

I am an extremely relaxed parent and anybody I knew could have bathed DS when he was a baby and still now at 3 years but none of my family or friends would have just done it without asking.

Your post has sent shivers down my spine. I would have flipped at him just doing that and I think you should trust your instincts particularly as he did it without a real need for your daughter to have a bath.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:37:26

This has made me realise I'm not being unreasonable just because its inappropriate. I do think in his warped way he was trying to bond with her and think he's basically a bit of an idiot. Think we just need to tell the pair of them, this is how we do it, we are her parents, like it or lump it. I don't want to upset anyone but this has just added to the list of reasons why I will not leave her with them. They literally didn't even need to disturb her, she was playing nicely and I assumed they would just interact with her, just have fun. Surely that's best way to bond and make her comfortable!

pigletmania Sat 16-Feb-13 20:36:54

He sound very strange and overfamiliar. Dh needs to be having words with them. If you are still not comfortable don't leave dd alone with them. Trust your gut

NomNomDePlumPudding Sat 16-Feb-13 20:32:48

bathed off his own bat for no apparent reason. sorry, i would have a massive problem with this, to the extent that i wouldn't leave her in their care even for an hour anymore. and i wouldn't care who called it an overreaction. there is no need to bathe a child to bond with her, so i can't think of a good reason why it was done.

Smudging Sat 16-Feb-13 20:31:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:23:56

Pinkflipflop, we were visiting dps family and staying with his dad. We were visiting mil for the day and dp had pile of post at hers which we needed to discuss quickly and privately (she's opened his post in the past) we were going back to his dads for dinner, bath and bed for dd.
she did not need a bath, it was too early and they knew very well that we would be doing bedtime routine at fils. Think they may have just wanted some involvement but we don't stay there because she refuses to change cot mattress from 30 year old one despite dp explaining that dd can't sleep on this. We usually get the train which is why this has been issue in the past, we've only just got car and didn't have time to sort mattress before we went and tbh I don't want to stay there put of principle now anyway! Hope this makes it a bit clearer.

Pinkflipflop Sat 16-Feb-13 20:17:23

So you were at your MIL's house for 1 hour and the partner decided to bath your dd? Was she even in need of a bath? It's even more weird that it wasn't in your house. If you don't mind me saying, why couldn't you and your dh talk or have a heart to heart in your own house? Now I'm not saying that his weird and inappropriate behaviour is your fault at all; just this highlights that you need to watch your dd very carefully when this man is around. As you say, he has no concept of boundaries.

CremeEggThief Sat 16-Feb-13 20:16:59

Trust your instincts, OP.

SirBoobAlot Sat 16-Feb-13 20:15:03

I wouldn't want someone I barely knew bathing my DS, regardless of what 'relation' they were. I'll be honest and admit that it wasn't until DS was over a year I left his grandmother - exPs mum - bath him alone, simply because I didn't know her very well, and it took me that length of time to feel completely confident that she could take care of DS. I'd happily leave him alone with her for the entire day now.

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 16-Feb-13 20:14:28

I wouldn't be fussed on any man other than my husband bathing my girls. I know logically that seems extreme but it just makes me uncomfortable.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:13:38

Upupdown, that's a whole different thread! Men and their mothers!

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:12:58

Debbylovesdallas, I know this hasn't been going on very long but I see myself in your situation. I can't imagine ever being comfortable with him.

UpUpDown Sat 16-Feb-13 20:12:25

i think your dp needs to be having words with his mum about boundaries?

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:10:43

Pinkflipflop, she's 9 months.

Dylanlovesbaez Sat 16-Feb-13 20:09:47

Do you know what lovesmileandlaugh, I don't think my dad would bath her or change her nappy. My dad would also not ask me why I've stopped breast feeding or ask me why I've only made one cup of tea 5 days after a horrendous birth. Mil told me they were visiting his daughter who lives an hour away so they were driving to hospital to see me when dd was fresh out-I was on day 3 of labour and not yet in hospital. Why would she think it would be acceptable or appropriate to bring him to see me in labour/just after. I had already told my own parents I didn't want anyone at hospital. He (and she) seems to have no concept of boundaries.

Pinkflipflop Sat 16-Feb-13 20:07:39

What age is your daughter?

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