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AIBU?

To not let him change/bath baby

58 replies

Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:27

Okay, mil has a relatively new partner, they have been together 18 months and are getting married in a few months. Dp and I have met him quite a few times but aren't too sure about him (there's a few reasons for this but would take forever). He's very over familiar yet we consider him pretty much a 'stranger' to our dd. mil was bathing ds and he was in bathroom too. The next night, dp and i left dd with mil for an hour while we had Chance for heart to heart sat in the car! we went Indoors abd her partner was Bathing dd alone. i just feel uncomfortable with this as they live quite Far away from Us and we Dont see them very Often so i dont feel we know Him well enough. There's nothing sinister here and I do not think anything badly of him but it doesn't feel 'right'.

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Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:28

Ds not ds!

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Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:29

Argh! Dd!!

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nellyjelly · 16/02/2013 19:31

I wouldn't let him bath DD until you feel comfortable with him.

JaquelineHyde · 16/02/2013 19:31

Your baby you decide but really imo you are being far too precious about this.

Males you don't know very well do not equal peadophiles.

HollyBerryBush · 16/02/2013 19:31

How old is your daughter? Is she at an age where privacy is becoming needed?

Has he got children/grandchildren of his own?

Are you uneasy because he's a man?

Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:34

She's 9 months old. He has no grandchildren of his own. It's not because he's a man, I just don't feel comfortable with him myself let alone with my dd. it might just be because I don't like him but it feels odd.

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BambieO · 16/02/2013 19:34

It depends if the 'reasons' involve something which makes your dd at risk potentially. If completely unrelated a bath can be a nice way for people to bond with baby. Ultimately though you should never do anything you are uncomfortable with in regards to your DC

Pinkflipflop · 16/02/2013 19:35

My ds is 2 weeks and at the minute I wouldn't let my dm or mil bath him ne re mind a random man! I would be furious if someone put my ds in the bath without checking first, it is v v weird and highly inappropriate.

Tell him never to do this again, ever.

AbbyCat · 16/02/2013 19:35

Yanbu. I feel awkward about anyone changing / bathing my dc apart from dh, my family and our nanny. I feel awkward even about mil changing them (she lives abroad and hardly sees them).

Pinkflipflop · 16/02/2013 19:36

Just to check, did he just take your daughter to the bath? Definitely wasn't asked to?

HollyBerryBush · 16/02/2013 19:38

Ah, well if you are getting a vibe from him - out of curiosity - what don't you like about him?

How does DH feel - does he like his mothers new father? this man will becaome his step father at some point.

You run the risk of causing a major family upset unless you handle it with kid gloves. I cant think of any polite way of telling the chap you think it inappropriate to bath a baby without your MIL getting very offended or the man assuming you are accusing him of a being a potential paedo.

perhaps if you bath your own baby in future that would be the best solution?

Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:38

I don't feel as bad now, I thought I might be being a bit unreasonable. It's not that I think she's at risk but I just find him a bit over the top and over familiar. I do feel like he's a 'random' man too even though before dd was born, mil asked if he could be called grandpa and couldn't understand why we didn't tell her I was pregnant in front of him, the first time we met him!!

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HollyBerryBush · 16/02/2013 19:39

oops - should read does he like his mothers new chap?

Pinkflipflop · 16/02/2013 19:41

Tbh I wouldn't give a toss about offending him! If he doesn't see that he is inappropriate then that's too bad!

Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:42

Hollyberrybush, I was planning to bath her myself but he took it upon himself to do it while mil was on phone. As I said, I really don't think anything sinister but something about him just puts me on edge. Things moving very fast between him and mil and she's really forcing the 'happy families' situation. Dp doesn't like him either, he clings on to mil and she had a suspicious black eye last year which we aren't 100% sure about.

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Pinkflipflop · 16/02/2013 19:44

From what you have posted here alarm bells are ringing and I would not leave my dd alone with him. I'm not saying there is anything to worry about but you must trust your gut instinct.

AThingInYourLife · 16/02/2013 19:44

It is super weird and inappropriate for this man you barely know to be taking your baby off and giving her baths.

ChristmasJubilee · 16/02/2013 19:47

Go with your instincts I find mine are not often wrong.

Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:50

Thanks everyone, I just needed a bit of reassurance. Think he's perfectly innocent and trying to fit in with mils ideal grandparents situation but I'm just not ready for him to be so 'close' just yet. Now, how to bring it up! Will just have to say no, or let dp say no to his darling mother!

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TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 16/02/2013 19:51

I don't think I would bath the child of someone I'd known for only a year without asking them first or waiting to be asked.

Dylanlovesbaez · 16/02/2013 19:54

That's what I thought the doctrines, I also can't believe mil didn't stop him.

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Bubblegum78 · 16/02/2013 19:54

If you don't like it, don't do it!

I wouldn't let a stranger male or female bath my kids, nothing crazy about that?

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countrykitten · 16/02/2013 19:57

You are def in the right here. If it feels weird, it probably is weird.

GloriaPritchett · 16/02/2013 19:58

Think he's perfectly innocent and trying to fit in with mils ideal grandparents situation but I'm just not ready for him to be so 'close' just yet.

That's all you need to say to your MIL. YANBU.

DebbieLovesDallas · 16/02/2013 19:58

YANBU. Trust your instincts, if you feel uncomfortable and something feels off then it probably is. I have the same problem with my mum's partner, even though she's been with him 17 years. I've posted about him a few times on here, and the consensus has been to trust my instincts. My dds are 9 and 6 now, but I've felt uncomfortable having him around them since my eldest was a baby. My dds never sleep over at my mum's house and she never babysits them at her house either only at our's. It's something that distresses her and she doesn't understand why, but I just keep saying no. Stick to your guns, she's your baby and you must do what feels right to protect her.

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