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To lay down ground rules with pil.....

(19 Posts)
Mummabubbles Sat 16-Feb-13 17:44:40

My dc is due in 3 weeks, dp has dd from previous relationship who is 4yrs. Pil care for her 2 days a week and often have her extra at weekends when she is not spending time with us (while her mother works) she is only gc for them and they quite rightly dote on her however they spoil her rotten. I want to lay down some rules now so that my child isn't spoilt!! Dp doesn't want to rock the boat. You might think all grandparents spoil their grandchildren but here are some examples from the last 2 weeks alone that I have witnessed:
Pil allowed gc to chuck raw eggs on kitchen floor (about 8 in total) because she thought the noise it made was funny!
Gc wanted a DVD that was being advertised on tv (at 8:30pm-she was watching tv to wind down before bed) made such a fuss that fil 'had' to drive to nearest supermarket (22miles away!) and buy it for her!
Wouldn't eat Sunday lunch so mil stopped eating her own to make 4 different pasta dishes until gc decided she didn't want any. Was then allowed ice cream and sweets.
I could go on forever!! I do not want my child thinking this is normal so feel I need to speak up now........

HumphreyCobbler Sat 16-Feb-13 17:46:32

I am amazed at your examples. They sound unhinged.

I wouldn't speak up now however, just deal with it as and when it becomes an issue. A newborn doesn't make unreasonable demands - you can talk about stuff like this later on.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 16-Feb-13 17:47:00


My bloody mother is like this with one of her gc its horrible to watch

Vakant Sat 16-Feb-13 17:47:52

I don't think you need to speak up now, but perhaps instead just tackle it if or when issues arise.

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Feb-13 17:49:25

Could be an interesting situation to watch this develop - you will be marking the difference in treatment between half siblings.

Airwalk79 Sat 16-Feb-13 17:49:43

I wouldent cause a row now over this. You have taken note of the situation, keep it in mind as dc gets older and sort problems as they arise. As things crop up deal with them, no point causing a huge to do over things that might happen.
Congratulations and enjoy your baby!

DragonMamma Sat 16-Feb-13 17:50:14

YANBU but YABU to discuss this now with them, especially as you dc hasn't even been born. Why rock the boat for no reason?

This situation is years off happening so great, you are aware of it but fgs, don't start 'laying down ground rules' when there's absolutely no need to now. You'll cause bad feeling 2/3 years before you need to.

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 16-Feb-13 17:50:39

Don't use them for childcare when you aren't there. They can't treat one GC differently from the other so your only solution is for you to always be there when they see your DC.

Floralnomad Sat 16-Feb-13 17:51:13

Does your step daughter behave badly when she is with you ? Personally I wouldn't get too stressed about it unless your PILs are going to be looking after your child every day . IME children quickly realise what they can get away with and where and behave accordingly on the whole . My mother spoilt my son ( and still does) ,he can do no wrong but I've never found it to be an issue and he's 20 now . If I'm cooking something he doesn't want he just goes over to hers for something better , she cooks whatever he asks for ,mad woman !

DonderandBlitzen Sat 16-Feb-13 18:04:25

Unless you are planning on using them for childcare it wont be an issue as you will be in charge of what they can and can't have.

Mummabubbles Sat 16-Feb-13 18:08:14

Unfortunately step daughter behaves badly almost everywhere now! Her answer to everything is ' nanny & grandad let me'. She is also having problems at Pre school due to this behaviour. But you're all right, I have no intentions of letting them look after my child unless I am there! Not sure if it will be an issue as at the moment thy will not even acknowledge that we are expecting a baby as they don't think it's fair to step daughter ( she is not looking forward to having to share any special people with a baby ) .
It will be a tricky situation as I don't want my child feeling like second best but I don't want him/her being treated the same as step daughter either!!
Am going to relax and see how it plays out.

Floralnomad Sat 16-Feb-13 18:16:54

TBH sounds like your Inlaws are going to favour her anyway so I'd not get into an argument about it . Sounds like they need a bit of a reality check though if she's misbehaving at school , I assume they do know that .

Neighbourhoodwatchbitch Sat 16-Feb-13 18:24:28

Tackle it when when the baby is a bit older. It's really not worth causing an issue now. Honestly! I speak from experience! x

thebody Sat 16-Feb-13 18:28:33

What's she like with her own mother and what does your dp think of this?

Does he have so little input into his own child's welfare?

Mummabubbles Sat 16-Feb-13 18:44:23

Dp and his ex strongly disagree with it all but have no one else for child care. And i think feel that they cant complain too much as they would be stuck for care otherwise. (local nurseries, c minders and the pre school she currently attends are completely chocka block). They are both looking forward to September when she will start school and hope things will improve then. I would offer to take over child care but we live next door to pil (angry) and I know they would permanently be on the doorstep!!

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 16-Feb-13 18:55:06

Bloody hell, you live next door to your inlaws. You might have to move!

mynewpassion Sat 16-Feb-13 20:15:08

Why can't your dp have her if her mother is working and you live right next door to the pils anyways?

DonderandBlitzen Sat 16-Feb-13 20:38:44

I think your husband and the girl's mum have to take some responsibility for the girl's behaviour, unless the grandparents are pretty much bringing her up singlehandedly. Does the little girl have good points too?

Floralnomad Sat 16-Feb-13 21:02:56

OMG I'd be moving house , how on earth will you ever keep away from them .

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