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To not have any male friends

(52 Posts)
tak1ngchances Sat 16-Feb-13 09:37:08

I noticed at work recently that I am much more relaxed and confident when I'm with the women on our team. I am more quiet and withdrawn when men are present. Obviously I don't want this to be the case and I'd like to be myself around everyone, regardless of gender.
So I started thinking about how I am outside work and it struck me: I don't have any male friends. Not one. I socialise with lots of married couples (and am married myself), and DH has some lovely friends that I've got to know quite well... but I don't have any man-friends that I got to know myself, independently.

Is that normal? Do most of you have a more equal gender balance among your friends?

out2lunch Sat 16-Feb-13 21:17:59

I can't think of anyone in my family who has male friends either

weegiemum Sat 16-Feb-13 21:13:22

This has made me think and I've realised that apart from my dh's best friend, who I also know very well, all my close male friends are gay. Obviously I have no trouble with that, but it is interesting.

TheCountessOlenska Sat 16-Feb-13 21:07:03

No, I've never had a male friend.

Not really thought about it before, but I grew up with sisters, and have a difficult relationship with my dad (but am very close to my mum and sisters).

Never stayed friends with my exes - too awkward.

A few times I've sort of made friends with male work colleagues but it has always turned out that they wanted something more. Hmm do I give off flirty vibes because I don't know how to be friends with a man?? Not sure.

Friends husbands/partners, I always feel a bit shy for some reason!

My DH's mates - fine, but they are definitely his friends.

Gay men I find really intimidating - God, I don't know where that comes from!

<I possibly need therapy>

freddiemisagreatshag Sat 16-Feb-13 20:52:19

LessMisAbs- I can see what you mean, But in my case most of my male friends have been friends with me for at least 10 years. And it's not in the least flirty, I'm really not that type. Having said that, how many female "friends" would I consider true friends -probably not that many of those either. Acquaintances are a very different thing from friends.

LessMissAbs Sat 16-Feb-13 20:43:56

I'm mainly with the posters who think men are often friends with women they fancy. Even if they have no intention to do anything about it.

Genuine friends are rare, as are ones you see often. I have one good male friend who is in a relationship with my good female friend. He is rare. I have some other male "friends" but I'm not sure they are true friends.

Some men who want to hang around you when it suits them I find quite draining. ie those ones who have a sort of "safe" girlfriend or wife but like to flirt with other women without any intention of doing anything. You;re nice to them because they seem nice and then it becomes very flirty on their part, and tbh I can see whats in it for them, but not for me. That sort of thing makes me feel very used.

freddiemisagreatshag Sat 16-Feb-13 20:33:16

I just mean, out2lunch, that they are just friends, I don't really take it into account if they're men or not - they're just mates

out2lunch Sat 16-Feb-13 20:30:20

Blimey Freddie - I was just thinking about a few friends and they don't have male friends either

FreyaSnow Sat 16-Feb-13 20:29:35

I have a brother, have shared houses with men and have worked in jobs where most people were male. I have no straight male friends. It's not something that bothers me at all. The issue for you OP is that you feel more withdrawn when men are present. If that presents difficulties at work, then I can see why you would be concerned. But I don't think it's necessary to have male friends to resolve that.

freddiemisagreatshag Sat 16-Feb-13 20:27:03

I'm mid-40's too outtolunch and I have loads of male friends and no agendas with any of us. Some are married and I am friends with their wives, some are married and I don't really get on with their wives, some are divorced and I babysit for them when they go on dates - just the same as with my female friends.

out2lunch Sat 16-Feb-13 20:24:22

I always.think there is an agenda
I have loads of.female friends but no.male friends and never have without an agenda - I am mid 40s
Where are all these men then?

StuntGirl Sat 16-Feb-13 20:13:16

I'm the opposite, virtually no female friends. Doesn't bother me, and no we're not all secretly lusting after each other hmm

freddiemisagreatshag Sat 16-Feb-13 19:47:24

Well I'm no great catch and one of my best friends is a man who has been one of my best friends since we were at school - and his wife is stunning.

GinAndT0nic Sat 16-Feb-13 19:45:06

I was thinking about this when I was out earlier, and wondering what you'd define as a friend. As VivienneMary say, if when you move on from the group/job/course, you just lose touch, then was that male a 'Friend' or were they an acquaintance you were friendly with for a while?

~Scarzy, I think you're right. Men admit that. They may know deep down that it's unlikely that they'll get to sleep with their female friends if they're very attractive and /or attached, but they still LIKE being around them. More ordinary mortals don't hold the same attraction.

In a perfect World sex/gender wouldn't be relevant, but it seems to be. And don't give out to me for being 'sad'. I would happily be friends with men, if I liked them. I don't mean liked them 'like that' I mean, if they were good company.

Scrazy Sat 16-Feb-13 14:17:42

Sorry should have said 'I've asked a few men'

Scrazy Sat 16-Feb-13 14:17:15

I do think women see their male friends as friends only, yes. I hope it isn't true about men and their female friends but the thought goes through my head.

I have asked men about this and they say it's true to varying degrees confused.

manicinsomniac Sat 16-Feb-13 14:10:51

scrazy , you must know that can't be true though. Women aren't only interested in spending time with men because we fact them so why does it make sense the other way around.

There's nothing fanciable about me, I'm rather plain, very underweight and look about 16. I'll never attract a boyfriend/hysband but I also value all my friends, both male and female, very much and know that they like me due to who I am and our shared interests/life experiences, not what I look like or what sex I am.

Can't see how sex/gender is relevant to friendship at all.

KC225 Sat 16-Feb-13 12:17:23

I have a couple of gay ones, but the rest of my friends are female or male/female couples.

LadyFlumpalot Sat 16-Feb-13 12:10:53

My main hobby and enjoyment is modifying cars. This is a predominantly male area. Henceforth, most of my outside work friends are male. My closest friend however, is a lass I met at work.

Scrazy Sat 16-Feb-13 12:07:18

I've got a couple that I see from time to time, but they are ex's. I don't sleep with them now as the attraction has gone for me but I think they would. So not really friends. I've had platonic male friends in the past but it always went wrong.

I heard from a man once that men don't spend time with women they don't fancy and admit it's affected me and I am very suspicious if I meet a man who has many female friends. Not sure if that makes me sad.

I would welcome friendship with males I find interesting but it doesn't happen, I would welcome a new boyfriend more.

Viviennemary Sat 16-Feb-13 11:57:21

Before I was married I had a few male friends. Work colleagues and others. But I moved away. I have been friendly with male colleagues at work but never really socialised outside work except at work nights out and so on. I don't have any male friends really now.

freddiemisagreatshag Sat 16-Feb-13 11:56:06

Haunted - are you me grin

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Sat 16-Feb-13 11:53:17

I massively take issue with the idea that men will be friends with gorgeous women for dubious motives, and that said gorgeous woman are deluding themselves confused

I'm 4 stone overweight, with hair like Wurzel Gummidge and a series of pustulating spots on my horrid ageing face, but I've got 3 v. close male pals, one of whom is insanely beautiful. SO THERE.

Piemother Sat 16-Feb-13 11:49:01

I have a handful from school and uni abs one v close make friend I met a work but that's much less than my female friends

GinAndT0nic Sat 16-Feb-13 11:46:43

The well done me comment was for poster who thinks it's sad that I feel the way I do.

I believe men are capable with friendship, but they don't want it with me. There's nothing wrong with me that would prevent me from being a friend to a man confused but a friendship, eh, it has to be consensual !!! I'm a good friend to my female friends. So there's nothing sad about it. It's jsut the way it is really.

INeedThatForkOff Sat 16-Feb-13 11:38:55

YANBU. Apart from DH's friends who are mutual and my female friends' husbands, I don't really have make friends.

I had a friendship a few years ago that came about because I had a bit of a crush on a man, not realising he was married, then just had to sort of bluff it and pretend I was interested in friendship all along blush. It didn't last because I found him too - I'm not sure - energetic? interesting? Not explaining this well, but he had an anecdote for every situation; and he probably found me dull, so thank fuck he hadn't been single in the first place! His wife is very similar in that they are both ultra-sociable. I like my quiet time!

Another old school girl crush friend got in touch around the same time, but unbeknown to me, he knew that DP and I had split. Looking back it was a fairly transparent attempt to get a friends-with-benefits arrangement going, but in the meantime DP and I got back together, and he's now DH smile

I must admit I don't have huge numbers of female friends either, but am content with those I've got.

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