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To hate the school gate

(164 Posts)
littlebillie Fri 15-Feb-13 18:56:27

That's it I hate it!

Ilovexmastime Thu 21-Feb-13 09:24:24

I have no problem at the school gate, it took me a couple of years to make some 'proper' friends there but before, and now, I would just smile at everyone (so I can't be accused of being a snooty cow) and talk to whoever I was stood nearest to.
However, from reading this thread, it would appear that our school is nice and friendly compared to others. I would hate to have to put up with people judging me loudly on what I wear (if they do it quietly behind my back then I don't mind because I don't know about it).
I do wonder about the whole clique thing though. .. maybe someone could explain to me the difference between a group of friends and a clique? Genuine question...

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:17:54

I do a Kate winslett,smile wave,walk for dear life like it's the baftas
Works every time

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 20-Feb-13 21:03:30

Here is what I do:
First, be a bit late-as you rush past everyone do a big shit-eating grin indiscriminately at everyone you pass, and a queenly wave.
Second, say "morning!/afternoon!" at everyone, throwing in " awful weather!" or somesuch.
Thirdly chat inanely to anyone who wants to.
Er. That's it. I don't really care if someone I normally chat to is ignoring me/talking to someone else.
I don't assume they have a well worked out plan to snub me. I am friendly, and assume everyone likes me.
I may be deluded. I don't care.
Plus, about 40 % of our school gate "mums" are dads, and I don;t think they notice any school gate politics either.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Wed 20-Feb-13 20:55:39

The joke really is on her I'm telling you smile It's quite funny because none of us retaliates so she just looks like an idiot lol.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:48:57

Yes this mum making the oi stepmum comments you could get lots of mileage out that
How v v funny of her,I'd definitely camp that one up,big time
Have a ball,the jokes on her

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Wed 20-Feb-13 20:47:34

Scottishmummy that is actually not a bad idea lol. I'll make sure DSD knows the floors need scrubbing as me and DSD walk past her lol.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:18:30


libelulle Wed 20-Feb-13 20:15:39

You misunderstand me - I'm actually reiterating what I said to you. It isn't stroppiness, I actually think it's quite important not to sneer at others. And saying 'hahaha PTA chair, mover and shaker?!' is unpleasant and sneery. I stand by that.

Springdiva Wed 20-Feb-13 20:13:06


scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:08:59

Heehee you need to act like pantomime villain step mum then,crank it up
As you pass her, pause and say pat butcher style,yea and its the cellar for 'im
High comedy, don't sweat it seeing you'll never be friends but do have fun

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Wed 20-Feb-13 20:01:15

My DS is only 2 so obviously isn't in school yet, but I have a 7 year old DSD who I pick up sometimes.

One mother there really has it in for me, always saying very loudly "that's just her STEPMUM." (Yep, lovey I am. Problem? You seem to love pointing that out. Although really I am not her stepmother I am daddy's partner, but go ahead and try and drill something in to me that I already know lol.) She glares at me every time I am there, and without fail will have sly digs about something or other. His ex thinks she is a loony too.

I never feel like I have a right to be there as she seems to think I am trying to play mummy when really, I am definitely 100% absolutely not.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:55:38

Re-read your own posts, 2sneery, 1unpleasant person,by you to me
Not mightily bothered mind,but dont seek to make out you're only saying,and I'm stroppy

libelulle Wed 20-Feb-13 19:49:41

Well, actually the first comment wasn't particularly aimed at you, it was aimed at everyone who comes on a thread about someone worried about school gate politics and says, in essence, that anyone who cares about such things must have a small and sorry life. It happens all the time, not just on this thread, and it's Not Very Nice.

Likewise it IS unpleasant to say 'chair of PTA you think that's a mover and shaker hahaha'. I'm not calling you names, I'm calling you up on what I see as you belittling others and their concerns and choices.

maisiejoe123 Wed 20-Feb-13 19:47:33

I have to say, not the centre of my universe tbh. More things to worry about in life.

Nicnocknoo Wed 20-Feb-13 19:40:47

I don't enjoy the school gate thing. I know most of the mums and all of the staff but sometimes I prefer to stand alone and not speak to any of them. I won't join a group already chatting but am quite happy to stand and wait for my dc. The groups that have formed no longer upset me like they did in the early days.

I arrive as close to doors opening time as I can usually.

I sometimes think people see me coming and avoid me (in case I ask them for something) although friends have assured me it's not the case.

I am the Chair of the PTA and have been for the past three years but I'm not a dominant type at the school gate.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:33:08

Libe,re-read your own Ill tempered posts to me
2sneery's, 1incredibly unpleasant person
I haven't called you any such names.I fear it's you who's stropy

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:25:59

You can call me (as you colloquially put it) as you wish.Naturally I dont agree,
I do care about education,the rapport and communication between parent/school
the school gate,the PTA,it's simply froth,with no significance to me

libelulle Wed 20-Feb-13 19:19:56

Blimey, there's someone who is being stroppy on this thread and it certainly isn't me!

I don't care if the school gate is significant to you or not, but I was calling you on the fact that you are belittling the very idea that anyone could care about something so 'insignificant'.

And I don't disdain work - I do it so I can pay the mortgage and fill the fridge. Unlike you, I just don't think it says anything about my moral or social worth.

Angelfootprints Wed 20-Feb-13 19:16:48

Libeluee already said she does work.

Epic fail.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:13:53

Fact is you're in a complete strop that I'm not whoop di doop about PTA and a househusband
if you have so little disdain for work,who/what fills your fridge?pays the mortgage?
Thing us you've said sneery twice now why are you touchy that schoolgate isnt highly significant to me

Springdiva Wed 20-Feb-13 19:06:26

I think it's because it is an artificial social group. No one plans a social get together with people not of your choice where much of the conversation can be heard by others who may or may not be in your group.

Even if I stood with people I knew well the conversation was a bit boring to say the least.

Also the obvious subject would be the DCs, teachers etc and naturally that is a complete nono as there is a risk of competition with the DCs or criticism with the teachers which would be heard by others so not acceptable.

So upshot is there is buggar all to say, it is a bit uncomfortable, and that brings out the snotty cow in certain of the group.

There is also the question as to why everyone feels they must be there. Prob because of belief that DCs must see beloved parent waiting for their appearance out of school therefore said parent is bestest ever and DC will feel secure and confident (regardless of parent's confidence being in tatters).

libelulle Wed 20-Feb-13 19:01:33

No I don't think he's a mover shaker, whatever that means. I just reckon he's done loads to make DD's school a better place, and sneering at that just makes you sound like an incredibly unpleasant person.

I work, and I have a strong network of friends that have nothing to do with DD's school. I still want to get to know the parents of kids in her class because school is important and it's also helpful to have people who can help out and do pick-ups in an emergency.

You know, paid work doesn't in itself act as any kind of measure of a person's value. To me, the fact that you work is of far less significance than the fact you think it's ok to sneer at other people because they don't...

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 18:50:27

You reckon the househusband is mover shaker cause he does PTA.haha
Schoolgate is a bigger deal if you're housewife as is bigger part of your mileu
I hear and see the carry on fortunately I keep clear.and PTA are the same queen bee type as school gates

libelulle Wed 20-Feb-13 18:40:13

What I really hate about these threads is the smug superiority of those who imply that worrying about school gate politics is somehow small-minded and insignificant. They don't worry about it because they have much more weighty issues to deal with in their life.

School is a major part of your child's life and when they start off, getting to know other parents is a perfectly reasonable and sane expectation/desire. The school gate is a key part of that process. It's neither petty nor ridiculous. It is irrelevant if you work or not - most parents at DD's school do work but still find 5 minutes to chat before the gates open.

By the by, god forbid that anyone join the PTA and actually seek to improve their local school. Why is participating in local life somehow something that is acceptable to sneer at so nastily on MN? The chair of our school governors has been a SAHD for 20 years, and I reckon he's contributed a hell of a lot more to society than the person merrily swanning off to their oh-so-important job in IT procurement or garden centre middle management or whatever, which apparently means they MUST be in and out of school within 50 seconds, and certainly couldn't possibly spare 5 minutes out of their busy, busy lives to talk to other parents. Depressing stuff.

maisiejoe123 Wed 20-Feb-13 18:13:42

Its funny, at drop off I literally drop off at the 'drop off place' and then drive off. The home time varies depending on whether DS has an activity or not so it isnt a mad scramble where everyone is at the gate at 1600.

However I often work at home (trackies and no make up). Well, I picked up DS a few months ago straight from work. One of the Mum's (not english I have to say!) said I looked fantastic and had I had a facelift!!

So, you think you have issues.....

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