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To think that a 7 year old can be expected to

(106 Posts)
Verycold Thu 14-Feb-13 23:01:47

Be quiet during a show. And even if it is a show mainly for children, you still shouldnt chat all the way through it as if you were in front of your telly at home.

bochead Fri 15-Feb-13 12:22:58

If it's a kids film and the seats are full then it's inevitable that at least one child is going to have one of "those" moments that makes people cringe. It's just life tbh. If you can't handle the inevitable ocassional lapses from grace, avoid environments where large numbers of kids are likely to be present. Simples grin.

Recently I was horrified at the behavior of a friends 6 year old in a coffee shop. She has no disabilities but is only 6 and was just having a bad day as kids do. She's a child, not a machine and it happens. Normally the child in question is an absolute joy and pleasure to be around.

My own son threw his first ever "terrible two" tantrum on the day he went to visit his new reception at 4.5 years. I was absolutely mortified and had no clue how to react, as I'd never had to deal with him "playing up" like that before and was frozen on the spot with shame. I now know his "perfect Peter" toddler behavior was only due to the developmental delays associated with ASD (not diagnosed till 8!). I still think back to that episode and cringe with shame.

I've noticed children tend to behave badly when they are either about to go down with a nasty bug, or during the recovery period. Or when they are overtired or under stress for some reason, (perhaps there has been a family bereavement, or bullying incidents at school etc). Oddly these sorts of occasions are when parents are most likely to treat the child in question to a trip to the cinema in order to lift the child's spirits. Call me soft hearted but in my eyes that's good parenting.

The worst bullies at the schools my son has attended have all had one thing in common - Mum's who were totally fixed in the belief that their precious angel was inacapable of ever being naughty, and that someone else's child must always be to blame. No child is ever 100% perfect all the time. I always feel so sorry for the teachers of kids like this, as they are impossible to discipline.

What does get me hoiking my judgey pants is the number of grown adults in the UK today, who think it's perfectly acceptable to swear like a trooper in the supermarket queue, knowing there are children around. These same people then act horrified when the toddler behind mimics their cuss word in all innocence! Or who put their nicely polished office shoes on the seats of trains and buses etc. Oh and don't get me started on pornagraphic PDA's at the cinema or on the local swings.

Given the numbers of "naice" middle-class adults who seem to have no sense of common decency or consideration towards others in public spaces , is it really any wonder our kids sometimes demonstrate less than angelic behavior?

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 15-Feb-13 12:27:25

Tbh I take my Ds (ASD) to the performances most likely to be silent as he (like another poster on here) can't cope with the distractions that other people can be sometimes.

In many ways those 'distracting people' cause us more disruption than they would the average person. So I plan carefully to maximise our enjoyment and understand how annoying it can be when faced with disruptive behaviour.

BUT I do expect my Ds to be included when careful planning isn't as easy, and I don't expect him to be prevented from accessing things and experiences which allow him to and give him practise for being a participant in his own society.

somedaysomewhere Fri 15-Feb-13 12:34:41

I think the SN comments have thrown this conversation off course a little.

I try to teach my son that all children (SN or not) find certain things more difficult than others. A SN child might find many more things more difficult than an NT child but the principle still holds.

DS1 finds sitting still very difficult and has done since a baby. DS2 is much more sedentary.

What infuriates me is the parents who have 'quiet children who know how to behave in any situation' who pride themselves on their excellent parenting and all round greatness. Actually, you might just have children who have quieter personalities than others. They may have always been going to turn out like this.

Children mature at different rates at it is terribly sad that they might be excluded because they are judged by other parents.

I find nothing more depressing than a three year old who can sit beautifully in an adult environment for hours on end. sad.

lljkk Fri 15-Feb-13 12:44:04

I try hard to never take mine anywhere. We manage okay when we do go to a venue like cafe/cinema, but it's such a dreary uptight exhausting experience for me. Threads like this just convince me to continue in trying to never take them anywhere.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 15-Feb-13 12:48:14


( ahem, children with SN not SN children )

thanks, Helen.

Apols, silverfrog - was typing too fast.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 15-Feb-13 12:49:16

I would expect my 7yo DS to be able to keep quiet even if he did need the odd reminder. So YANBU

silverfrog Fri 15-Feb-13 12:55:14

Helen thanks

I know you know, iyswim smile (does just show how easily it is done, and I have been guilty of the same more than once - eg I often type 'dd1 is ASD' which sets some people's teeth on edge)

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Fri 15-Feb-13 13:01:56

HelenMumsnet, thanks for your quick response, that was exactly what was needed.

somedaysomewhere Fri 15-Feb-13 13:02:22

Oh gosh, I did it too.


MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Fri 15-Feb-13 13:19:43

Thanks Helen smile A little clarity from MN helps to point out the sodding obvious

Strongecoffeeismydrug Fri 15-Feb-13 15:30:01

I would take my son with ASD to the cinema and if he made a little noise then so be it. I would keep him as quiet as possible but hey ho he would make a little noise.... He has to learn just like everyone else and if I kept him at home he wouldn't be learning the rules of cinemas ect.
If it was a kids film he wouldn't be the only one being noisy anyway .

Verycold Fri 15-Feb-13 21:58:10

Sorry to disappear, busy day!! It was Shrek the Musical, evening performance. £55 a ticket if that makes a difference. Like somebody else said, what really annoyed me was not so much the child talking but the mother happily talking back as if they were on their own. I would think short answers would be enough and some reminders to be quiet. With regards to sn, my youngest who is 6 has sn. Incidentally he was quiet as a mouse wink

Picturesinthefirelight Fri 15-Feb-13 22:08:18

If I was going to see Shrek paying West End prices I'd expect children to be able to stay quiet. It's not an interactive show in the same way as panto or p

Verycold Fri 15-Feb-13 22:41:43

P? grin

somedaysomewhere Sat 16-Feb-13 09:05:56

I must admit, this is why I haven't taken my 7 year old to the West End.

If I'm going to pay that much for a ticket I'd want them transfixed for the entire time. Maybe when he's 27 grin

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 09:14:28

That's the point, it is usually that "look how I interact with my genius" parent rather than indifferent parent or naughty child. However, I still believe that a child with autism or SN or whatever shouldn't be left at home. As said above, short answers and a talk about what is expected before you go in. I would still rather have chatterer than think of someone leaving one child at home because they may be chatty, excited or freaked out.

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 09:15:30

I say let the kids go and leave the parents outside, generally it would be much quieter!

Dothraki Sat 16-Feb-13 09:21:52

I haven't seen 7 yo's misbehaving - asking questions is not misbehaving. Teenagers on the other hand................

ipadquietly Sat 16-Feb-13 11:13:35

Why pay for your dc to watch a film if they're going to talk through it? They'll miss the story!

When we go to the cinema, my 6 and 8 year olds are so engrossed in what's happening on the screen, they don't have time to talk to each other.

Maybe you people who think it's ok to talk through films are just going to see crap movies.

JeffFaFa Sat 16-Feb-13 11:18:25

I havnt been able to take ds1 who is almost 7 to the cinema ever, he is a sensory seeker and unable to sit still, he also asks incessant questions and if trying his very hardest not too speak will make vocal noises such as grunts and sounds, he literally cannot sit quietly for more than a few minutes. He would LOVE to go to the cinema and asks me frequently sadly i cant take him because of the attitudes of others sad

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 11:44:18

Jeff, take him if you think he would like it, he has as much right as any other person. You can always try and find a film that has been out a while or go at an odd time when it will be quiet but I just don't think you have to. Just don't loud parent! wink

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 11:47:03

Can I just ask something? is it the other children in the cinema/theatre who find this disruptive or just the parents who get annoyed? If your children are not distracted or upset, why would the parent? I don't choose to watch kids movies and doze through them anyway.

Callycat Sat 16-Feb-13 13:53:04

Slightly off-topic, but if sometimes feels like a few posters here regard SN and "badly-behaved" as synonymous - hence the inevitable "He/she might have special needs". Isn't that kind of insulting to SN kids? "Special needs" covers a wide range of personality types, and many of these kids are quieter than NTs in my experience.

hazeyjane Sat 16-Feb-13 15:30:57

Callycat, I think it is more a case of some children with sn (as opposed to 'sn kids') being perceived as badly behaved, because, for example they might not understand about being quiet in a show, or may have tics, or need to flap etc. Some people may look at this behaviour and think the children are being naughty or the parents are being a bit crap. I think it is this that people are pointing out, rather than saying 'naughty = sn'.

kerala Sat 16-Feb-13 15:36:56

DH and I saw Les Mis at the local Arts cinema (so middle class type demographic). The rustling and munching from ADULTS was incredible and always at the most heart wrenching emotional bits - Fantine dying for example rustle rustle munch munch, all the friends massacred crackle rustle gulp drove us mad!

Would expect a 7 year old to be sit and watch a film yes whispered questions fine but if they really mucking about you may as well leave they are not getting anything out of it just annoying others.

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