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Just a wee bit low. would any nice mumsnetters answer me please?

(65 Posts)
iloveitalia Wed 13-Feb-13 20:20:43

This is my first post ever. AIBU to conclude that once you have children your own needs get ignored? My first dc was born 6 months ago after three ivf attempts.I love her to pieces. Since having her and being on maternity leave, I have taken on the vast majority of the housework, cooking and shopping. Generally, I don' t mind this as I like taking care of my home and family; but have recently started to feel quite tired and run down ( am ebf and dd does not sleep well). Dh seems oblivious to this and has become very used to the fact that I' m doing almost everything at home. I feel taken for granted, I suppose. My father is dead and mum very ill with dementia, so I have nowhere to go for a bit of parental support. I really miss them, and wish that they could have met their lovely granddaughter. Sorry, just needed a moan. Thanks in advance to anyone who answers this

Divinyl Sat 23-Feb-13 14:56:28

Hello, hope you've found some of the replies cheering. You are so up and down with a DC at that age (and at other stages, at least as much as I have found so far!) Pretty much everything hinges on whether you have had a good night and whether everyone is near enough to feeling 100% during the day. Such a simple thing and so, so elusive. With the sleep demands, you end up much more tied to the house than DH, at least in my experience, so you therefore get stuck with the work that goes with it too. Sigh. I just had one thought which may have been covered, but could you look into doing something once a week with your DD, like a baby group, that you really enjoy and could look forward to? I moved house and area with my DD at the same age as yours and missed all the early health visitor support very much. I ended up going to 'Baby Sensory' to get myself out of the house and able to explore the area a bit, and I must say I thought it was magic, so creative and a lovely structure (and DD is now far too old for it but I really still quite miss it!), but if this wouldn't be for you then there are sometimes swimming sessions with music and floats meant for babies, or even a sensory room at a library or children's centre? A tip from our angle: things that started before about 1.00 in the afternoon were not successful due to the sheer ruddy length of time it took for us to get ready and out of the house! So go for something taking place in the afternoon (or whenever you are most on the ball!)

iloveitalia Fri 22-Feb-13 20:25:17

Thanks Nightfall. See you on FBsmile.

cjel Thu 21-Feb-13 21:50:29

agree with bunny!! The elation of new baby has gone by 6 months and tiredness catches up. Don't let your needs slide, rest and don't give up trying to get dh to understand.

Nightfall1983 Thu 21-Feb-13 21:05:01

ilove I have just sent you a message with how to join grin

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 21-Feb-13 17:42:17

Tell him that when he's done it for several weeks straight he can tell you how tired he is grin

Then tell him Friday & Saturday nights are his with DD smile

I hope you have explained to him that he also needs to pull his weight around the house - his wife is now a stay at home MUM not a stay at home MAID. Fair enough to do what you can, when you can - but he needs to as well. He sounds nice, so talk to him!

Very envy of your new baby cuddles though - if it gets too much, send her over here grin

iloveitalia Thu 21-Feb-13 17:34:56

Thanks Ambi, Signet, Nightfall and Ginger, I will join the August babies' group on FB. Not sure how to find it though! Had a wee look yesterday, with no success. I am lousy with anything IT related.

And yes, Olivia,taking my vitamins every day smile.

Rod, you' re right, everyone' s posts have been wonderful.

Dh took dd last night, all night. He juat rang to tell me how exhausted he is, ans that it was so if I didn' t know! Still, I really appreciated it. [ grin].

Thanks again, everybody.

permaquandry Wed 20-Feb-13 23:33:29

Yes absolutely has to be whole nut! Fruit and nut always seems pointless to me, who needs a little bit of health in the middle of an indulgent treat?m (tho could you count it as one of your five a day?)

I agree that drinking plenty of water and eating well supports you whilst you are tired/low. Not so easy to eat a balanced diet when u have a newborn tho!

Yes, loving this week, thanks. Got kids at home on half term and were having a lovely week and nice plans for the next few days

Hope tonight goes well, update us tomorrow. smile

Tee2072 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:04:44

Remember the MN mantra 'this too shall pass, it's only a phase'.

I promise, as one mummy with a baby who thinks (thought in my case) that sleep and naps are for the weak, that it will end. You will get to sleep and you will feel better.

Take care of yourself, as Olivia just said. If you're not sleeping and you're breastfeeding make sure you're eating well! Not just chocolate.


rodandtheemu Wed 20-Feb-13 20:47:19

what wonderfull supportive posts!

Op why not put baby in day care for the morning ( if you can afford it)and spend some time pampering your self, even just a long bath or coffee with friends. My dp has to be told how im feeling as he thinks im happy all the time hmm

You sound as though you are doing a fab job holding it all together dont forget your 'u' time

P.s best not post about your dp in aibu though as you will get shouts of ''leave him'' - not very helpfull when ur just feeling a bit pissed off!

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 20-Feb-13 20:27:17

As someone who has just been ill for a week, are you eating well and getting enough vitamins?

Be kind to yourself

Gingerelle Wed 20-Feb-13 20:22:07

Hi, I'm in the August group too that started on here then moved to fb. I've had a real wobble this week too feeling quite similar stuff to you. The group is great for emotional or practical support so come join us!

Nightfall1983 Wed 20-Feb-13 20:07:26

Hi I'm also in the August group. Just wanted to say you'd be very welcome to join us, we are a friendly bunch and we are all going through the same thing. It is always nice to be able to rant to people whose babies are the say age as yours and who can reassure you what's normal!

Signet2012 Wed 20-Feb-13 20:03:30

I'm in the August group too.

Started off sharing stories of our positive tests on here and the births then someone set up a FB group which I was a bit unsure about joining as I like the anonymity of mumsnet but I'm so glad I did!! We have all been through all the stages and provide each other with so much support. It's completely private and a secret group so no one can see your posts. They have really got me through the last 5.5 months.
I don't really know that many people in rl with babies so their support has been invaluable to me.

I still come on mn all the time too smile

Ambi Wed 20-Feb-13 19:38:14

Not that you are going through trivial things - God my post sounds bad.

Ambi Wed 20-Feb-13 19:37:05

Ilove come and join us with Aug born babies. Do you have FB? We've gone over to there. We love nothing better than moaning about the trivial things smile I'll send some over to convince you we're not harridans.

mrsbunnylove Wed 20-Feb-13 18:39:11

here's a bit of advice from the mum/grandma.

stop doing the housework.

AlanMoore Wed 20-Feb-13 17:05:20

Bless you, coping with your mum's illness must be so hard and I can totally see that on a bad day it makes everything with your baby bittersweet too. I sometimes have a cry that my grandparents aren't around to see my children even though they've been dead for years and would have a combined age of 203 if they were here!

Your husband sounds nice if a bit unaware of how you're feeling, so keep talking to him, and your friends, and try to enjoy as much as you can. Could you get a weekly date with yourself to do something that lets you forget responsibilities of your mum and baby? Keep fit or a drink at the pub with a mate?

valiumredhead Wed 20-Feb-13 16:55:39

YANBU I think you really need your parents when you have little ones and it's hard when they aren't around x

Cherriesarelovely Wed 20-Feb-13 16:55:10

Huge hugs to you x

Cherriesarelovely Wed 20-Feb-13 16:54:10

Yanbu at all to be finding parenting a challenge, it is a huge adjustment. You obviously have a gorgeous little Dd and you sound like a lovely mum. It must be very difficult not to have your mum or dad to offer some support. Come here for some moral and practical support.

iloveitalia Wed 20-Feb-13 16:42:20

Thanks Magi and Hellsbells. Yep, Alzheimer's is rotten...i can completely understand your desire for your mum to die Magi. I feel the same way, and I know that my mum would want that too. It' s no life, is it? The only blessing is that they' re unaware of what' s happening to them. I don' t think you should feel guilty at all.

Hellsbells, yes, we go to mum and baby yoga, swimming lessons and mums and tots. I also catch up with friends quite often.I' m so lucky, as I really do have a lovely bunch of friends. smile.

Thanks for your kind posts.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 20-Feb-13 15:20:19

Oh bless your DH.
Some just need to be told and they will help out.
It must be tough for you.
Do you attend a baby group or anything?
Do you go round to friends houses for some 'adult' conversation?
I was chomping at the bit after 3 months to get back to work for a rest and some adult talk and to use my brain properly again.
Good luck and congrats!

magimedi Wed 20-Feb-13 15:05:07

So sorry to hear about your mother - my mother had it too & died 14 years ago. It is a terrible illness & leaves you feeling exhausted emotionally. I also felt horribly guilty as I longed for her to die & be released from it all.

Your DH sounds really lovely - but most men need telling things, they just don't seem to realise in the way that women do.

Sleep will help you hugely & don't try to be 'superwoman' over the house! I remember once hearing that a house needs to be reasonably hygenic but dirty enough to be a real home!

iloveitalia Wed 20-Feb-13 13:45:46

Oops....I mean whole nut, not fruit and nut. That bit' s very important.

iloveitalia Wed 20-Feb-13 13:42:52

Hi perma. Sorry, I' ve just seen your post. You' re so kind smile.
Am ok. Sleep still not too good....the wee so and so is just full of beans, and doesn' t really nap during the day either. Oh well, just have to get through it and remember it doesn' t last, I suppose.
Dh is going to take dd tonight to the spare room to give me a break. Have expressed some milk. I can't wait!! How I get my thrills nowadays, eh??
Really appreciate you taking the time to ask after me. Hope you' re having a nice week so far, and enjoying the brighter weather.Please keep on eating the fruit and nut....I think it' s helping grin.

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