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To expect parents to put children first?

(17 Posts)
BubblesPebblesx2 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:38:39

Quite an unbelievable story I'm afraid. Basically I'm the eldest of four, the youngest now being 15, our parents run their own business. Parents hate each other and are constantly splitting up and then uniting against us again.

Since I was born they have moved us all on a whim chasing their dreams and goals. This meant moving schools, countries and houses every couple of years and never really having a base.As such the four of us are very close and look out for each other.

Over the years it became clear they were both alcoholics, DM being the obvious horrible kind who hates everyone and blames us for all the things wrong in her life, DF being the sneaky kind that manipulates everything and everyone around him. We all spent years believing him when he told us DM was crazy and that he never does anything wrong.

Now in my twenties and with my own family I can see how terrible they have been to us and as a consequence no longer allow them to push me around, use me for free childcare and someone to run their affairs whilst they piss off on holiday without ever taking us.

They attempted to branch out a couple of years ago. Very comfortable before that but they were just being greedy and have now lost pretty much everything apart from the first business they had. They have lied and lied again to important people to get away with and miraculously (and not deservedly) have. Now they want to transfer everything to the four of us and expect us to carry on their illegal work as they are no longer able to obtain licences. We've said no, big family row ensued. My poor 16 year old brother was told 'he was a complete waste of sperm' and that he is single handedly responsible for all their problems. Luckily quite a bright and thick skinned lad but still HE'S ONLY FUCKING 16 AND THAT IS A DISGUSTING THING TO SAY.

Kneejerk reaction is that they have booked a month's trip abroad. They assumed we'll look after their interests and when told that wasn't the case it seemed they'd given up on years pretending that we matter at all and have disowned all of us with a dismissive 'we have had a shit few years and we deserve a holiday'

There is a lot more in between all of this but feel this a good enough summary.

AIBU to expect them to come to their senses and want to put their children first no matter how old they are?

HollyBerryBush Tue 12-Feb-13 20:42:06

AIBU to expect them to come to their senses and want to put their children first no matter how old they are?

Not unreasonable but you know it's never going to happen. Don't sign anything , dont get involved with their business interests .... who is having DB(16) in his GCSE year if they are swanning off for a month?

Marcheline Tue 12-Feb-13 20:46:46

Your parents sounds toxic and nasty, I would be doing everything u could to never have anything to do with them ever again.

Sadly, I think YABU to expect them to come to their senses - I don't think they ever will sad

I'm so sorry that you and our siblings have been through this. How do the younger ones cope?

MsAkimbo Tue 12-Feb-13 20:47:57

This was so sad to read. It's not unreasonable to wish they'd change. However, do you think they will after all these years?

Agree with the pp; screw them and their business interests. All that matters is your brother having somewhere to stay.

BubblesPebblesx2 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:48:40

This was raised by my DS (trainee lawyer- not that I'm proud or anything) and the fact that it must be illegal to leave a 15 and 16 year old. The response was that if he cares that much about his exams then he won't let it bother him. I know you're right, it feels like it's just dawned on me though!!

Marcheline Tue 12-Feb-13 20:53:35

Is there any way you can put up the younger siblings for a while? I bet they need some stability and nurturing.

sweetestB Tue 12-Feb-13 20:56:15

you are on your 20s and your DS is a trainee lawyer?

BubblesPebblesx2 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:56:55

They pretty much live with me anyway but there are three of them, I have a two year old and another on the way. They will ALWAYS have a bed at mine but very crowded. Just feeling a little resentful of the whole thing at the moment.

BubblesPebblesx2 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:57:49

Darling Sister smile

LaurieFairyCake Tue 12-Feb-13 20:58:18

Fuck them. Fuck them both.

By the way, you and your siblings sound fab! Just continue to look after each other.

And don't get involved in their illegal businesses, those fuckers are the type to try and drag you all down with them.

aldiwhore Tue 12-Feb-13 21:01:07

You actually sound more than reasonable. You have each other. Your parents will come to their senses on their own or not at all. I hope for their sakes they do. I hope for your sakes that you continue as you are with your siblings.

thebody Tue 12-Feb-13 21:02:32

Is ds your sister? Can't be your son as you are in your twenties?

Anyway you are obviously doing a great job with your siblings and you know your parents won't change don't you.

Good for you taking care of them and keep strong.

Naysa Tue 12-Feb-13 21:02:50

If you're in your 20s how can your son be a trainee lawyer? hmm

Naysa Tue 12-Feb-13 21:03:18

Sorry cross post blush

BubblesPebblesx2 Tue 12-Feb-13 21:03:46

Read the whole thing. I have a sister as well.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 12-Feb-13 21:06:30

People like this never change. I would cut them off.

sweetestB Tue 12-Feb-13 21:24:29

doesn't look like you and your siblings need them. cut them out

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