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To ask DM to back off a bit

(11 Posts)
AThousandNamesNoneOfThemMyOwn Tue 12-Feb-13 14:51:14

DS is 9months and has started pulling himself up on the furniture, cruising about, and also crawls around at great speed <not stealth boast but he is amazing, naturally>

Anyway DM sees him often (every 2/3 days ish) and seems very worried by this latest development. She shadows him everywhere he crawls and keeps a hand behind him every time he surfs the sofa . And when he falls a bit roughly on his bottom (still not quite mastered this bit ) she does that sharp intake of breath thing.

I tend to let DS get on with exploring, staying close, but maybe sitting on sofa with a cup of tea, ready to rush in should he look like he is in trouble. He's had a few little bumps but I figure that's all part of it. I worry that DM's constant panicking and helicoptering is just going to make him more afraid and nervous.

But prepared to accept it if you say IABU and should be more like DM (not sure what the norm is, really)

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Tue 12-Feb-13 14:57:14

Yanbu IMO, but my grandma was just the same as your DM. She was terrified of DS going anywhere near the hearth and would insist we make some sort of cover of cushions for it (obviously not bothered about the fire risk!), its now been christened The Hearth of Doom grin

Seriously though, just tell her to chill out a bit. Your DS will have plenty more bumps and falls as he grows. Plus you don't want him getting scared of falling, which he probably will get like if she continues with her nervousness around him.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 12-Feb-13 15:01:50

YANBU, learning to fall is important and mostly, it's just a waste of her energy and must be quite distracting to watch.

ChairmanWow Tue 12-Feb-13 15:02:09

I bet she didn't do that with you! Why are grandparents so paranoid?!

My hubby was a bit like that. I especially remember the sharp intake of breath thing. I know it's different because it's so much easier to discuss it with your partner, at least in my house, but I explained to him that he would make DS nervous of exploring and completely risk-averse, which would impact on his confidence and development. We worked together on babyproofing the house as much as possible and we talked about all the minor injuries we had as kids (actually, some not so minor - broken bones), just to show that basically, shit happens. He did see sense and we still have the odd gasp when my son, who is now running round like a loon, clatters to the floor, but DS doesn't notice and just picks himself up and gets on with climbing stuff.

So in a nutshell, YANBU

CailinDana Tue 12-Feb-13 15:04:37

This seems to be a grandparent thing - maybe it's to do with having maternal feelings but not being the mother so lacking control or something? I find MIL and my own mother are far more protective of DS than I am - I let him climb on anything but they're all "Oooh" and sharp intakes of breath. I just say "he's fine let him get on with it." It's annoying but normal I think.

As for whether you're right or wrong, you know your baby best and as long as he's not getting badly hurt then no harm done.

DontmindifIdo Tue 12-Feb-13 15:05:57

Tell her to back off a bit, say she's going to give DS the impression he's wrong to try to do that.

Say if she can't stand watching him pull himself up on furniture, she might think about staying away until he's moved on to the next stage.

Dogsmom Tue 12-Feb-13 15:09:19

Yanbu - My DD isn't born yet but I plan to be like you and not smother her, of course I'll cover any sharp corners and not let her near the fire when it's on but I want her to feel free to roam around and explore, yes she'll fall over but she'll get back up again. I even plan to 'cheer' and laugh when she tumbles to make it lighthearted. Before I get flamed of course I will take it seriously if she really does get hurt.

My husband was ridiculously overprotective with his son, he was 11 mo when we got together and everytime he fell my DH would do the gasp, rush over and rub his knee, needless to say it didn't take long before his son would fall, look straight to his Dad and then burst into tears as it MUST be bad.
Fast forward 9 years to today and his son is still a wuss!

Shabbatastic Tue 12-Feb-13 15:09:21

My DM still does this now. DS is 15! It's both boring and insulting! confused

lottiegarbanzo Tue 12-Feb-13 15:10:38

For dd the next stage, or about the same really, has been trying to fling herself head first off furniture, including her changing mat. That can cause an intake of breath if you're not sure someone has hold of her ankles!

Giraffeshoes Tue 12-Feb-13 15:53:56

Ha! Was just telling off my DM for doing this with my 8 month old DS! I know for a fact that she let me climb all over everything as a child though!! Definitely a grandparent thing.

valiumredhead Tue 12-Feb-13 16:05:12

Just leave him and her to it - they'll figure it out, this stage won't last long anyone then she'll really have something to worry about when he's toddling all over the place grin

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