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this is why i HATE facebook sometimes....feel so left out and pissed off (sorry for FB related aibu)

(85 Posts)
MoodyDidIt Tue 12-Feb-13 09:32:08

its half term here, and i just found out - through the evil FB, that 3 of my good friends and all their DC's are going on a day trip today (don't want to say where as may out me)

and they haven't asked me

and they have had the chance to because i have spoken to them all in the last few days...and its not for any reason like no room in the car or whatever as they are going on the train

i feel like i am back at school....DC's and i would have really loved to have gone with them. why haven't they invited us?

i feel like i can't ask any of them directly because i will look needy and i have only found out about it via them all tagging eachother in multiple statuses about how soooo excited they are hmm

we are all 30-something btw, not 16. i am sad sad

MoodyDidIt Fri 15-Feb-13 08:26:48

hi southeast, no i have not said anything to any of them. i decided to leave it in the end. have had a really good half term doing lots with different friends so i am trying to focus on that rather than being (possibly) left out by the other friends

however, one of them (from the group who went on the trip without me) did text me yesterday just asking how i was and if i had a good holiday (was away last week with dh) and if i wanted to meet up soon which i just sent a friendly reply back to her

oh and i so know what you mean amberleaf re fb tagging in places etc being such a statement of "we are here having LOADS of fun and you are NOT" it sucks

bumperella Thu 14-Feb-13 23:01:47

FB is like that though. It brings out the " ooh, you saw Freind A on Tuesday, but I saw her on Wednesday for longer and we had loads more fun" in some (otherwise normal) people.

It's horrible, really, but best to either ask one/other/both directly (not on FB) or forget it.

LiveLoveBoogie Thu 14-Feb-13 22:44:14

I'd be tempted to post something along the lines of

"Ooh sounds like you've got a nice trip planned - we would really love to come along but have something much better planned

Another idea is to organise something and invite them all along - lead by example

Southeastdweller Thu 14-Feb-13 20:51:24

Did you speak to your friend?

AmberLeaf Wed 13-Feb-13 17:33:51

Yeah that sucks.

It doesn't matter how many other friends you have or how mature you are, that hurt feeling from being left out is not nice.

The FB part of it makes it a bit of a statement too 'we are here, you are NOT'

You know the best thing is to rise above it, but it still smarts a bit.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Wed 13-Feb-13 17:15:14

Are their DC much older than yours then?

If you have toddlers and theirs are bigger they might have wanted a trip tailored to the older kids?

MoodyDidIt Wed 13-Feb-13 16:37:22

Awww latara i had the same thing, when i was younger and hadnt had dc, and my friends all started having dc i found that they all started hanging out together and not asking me as much....i found out later that they thought i would find it boring being around them and their dc which was actually true tbh blush

however things have changed now i have dc and we are closer than ever

its hard though when its all on fb though, at least fb didnt exist back then in the mists of time pre having my dc

Latara Wed 13-Feb-13 10:37:17

Meant to say YANBU definitely.

Latara Wed 13-Feb-13 10:36:15

This sounds like my experience with 2 of my friends - they socialise more with each other because both have DC (I don't have children); I've seen the photos on FB & try to be understanding but it still hurts at times.

Springdiva Wed 13-Feb-13 10:08:09

I don't know, group outings can turn out quite fraught and 3 is not a good number.
Also often there is a difference in behaviour standards between different families and your DC's endearing fun loving behaviour could be someone else's devil child.
Don't assume what you are missing is a great success --- even if it looks that way on FB tomorrow, they aren't going to post that X was a grumpy cow and Y's DCs need throttled.
You are making assumptions.

PurplePidjin Wed 13-Feb-13 09:35:28

Phone and say "What did you think of <place>? Dc are desperate to go, but i don't know if it's worth the hassle"

Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

MoodyDidIt Wed 13-Feb-13 09:25:47

I think i am going to have to ask one of them directly

its really bugging me and i am still upset about it sad one of them i have known since i was a teenager so i think i might get in touch with her...not in a confrontational way, but in the way samnella and some others suggested

and yeah southeastdweller thats what i am wondering. ie whether my friendship means as much to them as it does me. and it hurts.

and am sorry to hear so many of you have been through appears some people just don't ever get past the type of behaviour most of us left behind in high school!

Samnella Tue 12-Feb-13 20:48:53

YANBU for being hurt. If I were you I would call one who you feel the closest too and explain how you feel, that you know it may across as immature and you feel silly but you genuinely want to know if you have done something. It is spiteful and I find it hard to believe its not deliberate. But the deliberate maybe for a good reason - they thought you were way, or limited tickets etc.

I have had similar happen but not though facebook. I met two supposed friends for coffee. Friend X had pre warned me she wouldn't be able to stay long as she was off out that night. Friend Y turned up after being invited by friend X. She lived quite far from us which was the only reason she hadn't been invited in the first place as it has been a short notice and quick catch up type of thing. Friend Y had double booked so left early and just as we were going our separate ways I asked friend X what she was up to that night. She looked very awkward and said she was out with friend y. They had not said a word about it all the time we had been together and looking back I am pretty sure friend Y turned up just to stop friend X inviting me. They had clearly discussed it before they came as there was no mention of it even when they parted. Friend X has since told me it was friends Y's idea as it were but it changed my friendship with them forever. I occasionally see friend X but not Y at all. Sometimes its good these things happen as you can just move on from people. Reading back it sounds really juvenile and it happened 5 years ago but I still remember that stinging pain as I walked home and worked out what had happened.

Southeastdweller Tue 12-Feb-13 20:32:29

I would also say something in person like others have suggested, something harmless.

I don't blame you for feeling like this. It's happened to me on the dreaded Facebook and it hurts when it's people you consider good friends. I wonder if your friendship means as much to them as if does to you?

coldcupoftea Tue 12-Feb-13 20:13:33

The thing is, sometimes it is easier to do certain things with smaller groups. I have quite a lot of mum friends/ acquaintances I have met over the years at toddler groups, preschool, nct etc. Some of the friendships overlap, eg someone I know from nct might know one of my other friends because their kids went to nursery together. I do different things with different groups and can't invite everyone to everything, sometimes it boils down to the ages of the kids or what days people normally have off work.

I was momentarily hurt when I discovered 3 friends all took their kids to the panto together this xmas while I was in DD's bad books for forgetting to book tickets until it was too late But I soon got over it- it is a pain in the arse to try to organise an outing for a big group, sometimes it's just easier to keep things small.

FB bragging sucks though!

PurplePidjin Tue 12-Feb-13 18:36:39

Or, maybe they all think one of the others invited you? I'd put "Have fun smile" on it and try and assign less importance to them in future

whois Tue 12-Feb-13 18:36:32

Oh and I would have it in to open, because there isn't anything to hide. So I might well post on FB 'lovely meal with x' or 'looking forward to event with x, y and z tomorrow'. I would be more hurt if people kept events from me rather than being open about their plans.

whois Tue 12-Feb-13 18:34:22

Why so much upset over this?

Sometimes I do things with a couple of friends, sometimes a slightly different mix, sometimes a bigger group and sometimes just one or two friends which can be different. My 'best' friend meets up with other people in our group without me. I meet up with people she is friends with without her. Otherwise you would always be doing something in a massive group and with the same people.

Is this ny normal behavious for girls over the age of 14?

MarilynValentine Tue 12-Feb-13 18:19:34

Moody if I were you, next time I saw one of them I'd say, "So you lot had a good time on __, huh?" In a friendly enough way. And then just wait. See what she says. She might go, "Oh, yes, sorry we couldn't invite you because ____ Shall we do something soon?!" And then you'll feel better. But if she doesn't say anything sensitive to how you might have felt about being excluded, drop them.

Sadandslovenly Tue 12-Feb-13 18:14:38

Fromparis I have to stop myself from plotting evil revenge!! Wish I could do SOMETHING to make me feel better.
They say the best revenge is living well, but she lives VERY well, surrounded by tons of ( fake) freinds, she's just got divorced, and has been plotting that for Years so is very happy. Loaded too. Bitch.

fromparistoberlin Tue 12-Feb-13 17:49:49

aww slovenly, what a biatch indeed

get a wax doll ??? and pins...


Sadandslovenly Tue 12-Feb-13 17:41:53

I recently had an experience of cunt city....friend of 20 years had birthday night out on Saturday,invited EVERYONE except me, including a girl we all fell out with 3 years ago for outrageously bad behaviour on a weekend away. There was lot of bad blood between them. Looked on freind of 20yrs fb age on Sunday & there's all the photos from sat night, including one of her with (ex) freind kissing her cheek!!

I texted her & told her how pissed off I was, her reason behind this shit? I'd gone out with another freind ONCE & not invited her!!!! FFS, that does NOT justify cruelty.
Deleted her off fb & blocked her. Just wish I could bleach her from my brain.

McNewPants2013 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:21:38

I would ask them the reason why there wasn't an invite.

Is the DC similar ages

mynewpassion Tue 12-Feb-13 17:21:33

Or that they could care less.

MunchkinsMumof2 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:18:41

It was met with stone cold silence and never mentioned Nicolaeus

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