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this is why i HATE facebook sometimes....feel so left out and pissed off (sorry for FB related aibu)

(85 Posts)
MoodyDidIt Tue 12-Feb-13 09:32:08

its half term here, and i just found out - through the evil FB, that 3 of my good friends and all their DC's are going on a day trip today (don't want to say where as may out me)

and they haven't asked me

and they have had the chance to because i have spoken to them all in the last few days...and its not for any reason like no room in the car or whatever as they are going on the train

i feel like i am back at school....DC's and i would have really loved to have gone with them. why haven't they invited us?

i feel like i can't ask any of them directly because i will look needy and i have only found out about it via them all tagging eachother in multiple statuses about how soooo excited they are hmm

we are all 30-something btw, not 16. i am sad sad

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 10:57:33

I think it's really mean of them. No wonder you are upset.

I have had similar where I was good friends with someone and introduced her to another friend of mine, and the next thing they are meeting up all the time for nights out, days out with the children, and shopping trips, and broadcasting it all over FB. It hurt and I did consider making comments on their statuses about how it would have been nice to be invited, but I decided against it as I didn't want to look needy. I think they probably were doing it to let me see that they were the best of friends and were having fun and that I wasn't! They also did things such as write on each others walls about how excited they were about a forthcoming night out/lunch. It made me realise how pathetic and nasty they both are. If I make plans with someone, FB walls are the last place I'd do it.

If I were you I'd cool it totally with those friends. Be polite if you see them, but just focus on other friendships. Yes you could approach one of them but you will risk looking needy and also chances are, if they do things like this, they will try to turn it around and make you into the problem instead , ie 'I can't believe you're so bothered because we went out for a day without you' rather than seeing things from your point of view.

In my experience, true friends don't do things like that. They are not worth it

Bluemonkeyspots Tue 12-Feb-13 11:05:11

I had similar when I took 2 close friends dd's and my dd's to see the new twilight last year.

The two dd's of my friends told me in the car on the way to the cinema that they were supposed to be going with their mums last night but when they received my texts (the mums were together at the time) they decided to save themselves the cost of going themselves and let me take them.

I could have cried, not sure what I felt worse about the fact they were planning on going without me and my dd's or that they were so open about letting me foot the bill.

30 years old and i still feel like a school girl when people do things like this to me (and I'm usually pretty choosy about who i befriend)

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:06:50

Bluemonkey, that is awful sad I hope they are now ex-friends!

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Tue 12-Feb-13 11:16:50

That is so stupid of your friends. Do something fun with your DC's and keep your options open with other friends. You coud mention it too one of them in person but it depends on your relationship with them.
Maybe you could, at least, post sorting benign about your day on Facebook. Something like 'had a fun time in the park with the DC's ' It may jog your friends conscious.

Have a fun day

OhTheConfusion Tue 12-Feb-13 11:18:33

Bluemonkey, they sound horrid!

Moody, I wouldn't ask them about it but I would find some new friends... real friends don't leave you feeling glum sad.

BelindaCarlisle Tue 12-Feb-13 11:21:50

DO you orgnaise things? Are they sick of having to include you when they get nothing back in return?

why dont you have more than three mates?

Pandemoniaa Tue 12-Feb-13 11:23:20

That's helpful, Belinda.


Sugarice Tue 12-Feb-13 11:26:48

Belinda not being particularly pleasant or constructive, are you? hmm

BelindaCarlisle Tue 12-Feb-13 11:27:53

well she needs to wonder why this happened surely?

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:29:42

What a nasty post, Belinda.

OP hasn't said she only has 3 mates nor has she said she never arranges anything. It's not unreasonable that she would expect close friends to include her in an activity if the rest of that group of friends is going

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:30:33

Oh and Belinda, often there is no reason for some women acting like total bitches and acting as if they are back in the playground. As you've demonstrated with your posts on this thread.

fromparistoberlin Tue 12-Feb-13 11:31:04

you have choices

ask them why they left you out, and tell them you were hurt. give them the chance to answer

this is risky, but maybe worth doing

Or trim the bitches, delete them as FB friends, delete their numbers, and make wax dolls of them.

your call

BelindaCarlisle Tue 12-Feb-13 11:32:30

You see I agree with someone else that there comes a point that if you included every one you know in every activity it would become unworkable.

think the use of Fb is silly but she needs to Move on. Otherwise you DO regress to playground style over thinking

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:35:42

Belinda, no one is asking the OP's friends to include everyone they know. From what OP said there are a group of 4 of them that are close friends. The other 3 are going and she is not invited. Now that's not her friends being practical or limiting numbers, it's them excluding the OP and then seemingly rubbing it in her face by posting away about it on FB. If they want to exclude her or phase her out they could at least have the decency to not risk her finding out about their plans. Whatever they are doing, it's unfair on the OP and is upsetting.

fromparistoberlin Tue 12-Feb-13 11:37:22

people that post about days out on facebook (that others have not been invited too) are cunts anyway

as are
people that send public messages to their BFFs (why not PM them?)
people that boast about their social life
people that boast
people that overshare

in face facebook is cunt city


Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:38:14

Agreed, fromparistoberlin grin

BelindaCarlisle Tue 12-Feb-13 11:38:17

Fair enough Tula. smile

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:42:02

OP, I meant to say earlier in the thread; I would make sure you organise something nice for you and your DCs for tomorrow. Maybe with another friend? A day trip out or lunch out somewhere or something like that. It will take your mind off things and cheer you up smile

fromparistoberlin Tue 12-Feb-13 11:42:07

"Sooo looking forward to my ladies-cocktails-night-out with "tagged Jayne Smith" and ""tagged Lula Fishburbe"....



i defriend people for this shit

LadyMargolotta Tue 12-Feb-13 11:42:26

Write -'have a lovely time! Can we come next time?'

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:43:46

fromparistoberlin, that is exactly the type of blurb that my so-called friends used to put on there (have now defriended them). One of them is a hairdresser and the other one would even tag her when she'd done her hair and say how lovely it was to catch up. They put it all over twitter too.

fromparistoberlin Tue 12-Feb-13 11:47:27


i think people that do this shit are actually quite sad and lonely and want to shiow everyone how amazing their life is

in fact people look at them and mutter "what a cunt" and defriend them. Tula, WELL RID

WileyRoadRunner Tue 12-Feb-13 11:50:05

Hmmm on the fence here - we have a friendship group of 8 of us (all have DC) and we meet up one evening every week (adults only). Within the group some of us do things at holidays/weekends etc with 1 or 2 of the others. It's all on FB so not behind anybody's back. I do things with 2 women more than with others.

3 of them do more together and don't invite the others.

It has never been issue for me, we all have different levels of friendship and nothing is done purposefully to leave anyone out.

Are there just the 4 of you in this friendship group? Are your children very good friends with the other children or are you friends with the mothers?

Presumably unless they are total bitches they haven't tried to hide the fact they are all going out otherwise they wouldn't put it on FB.

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 11:51:33

I think you're right Paris, they want to show everyone how amazing their life is and how many friends they have, and how they can afford to go to all these places etc etc etc.

I think their FB friends fall into two camps; the likes of us that say 'what a cunt' and defriend them, and the type that is taken in by it and fusses and fawns over them

NotAQueef Tue 12-Feb-13 11:52:22

OP I would hurt too. Think I would be tempted to add a message along the lines of
"Sounds like fun - let us know if you are going again as me and the DC would love to go,"

on another note - what exactly do those of you who hate people saying messages like " can't wait for our cocktails tonight @friend1 + @friend2" think facebook should be used for, as practically everything that it can be used for seems to be deemed wanky confused

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