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To just want to be pregnant?

(24 Posts)
Hegsy Mon 11-Feb-13 21:52:23

That's it really I just want me and DH to start a family. 3 years trying and not a hint of a child. I have pcos I need to loose weight to get any treatment but I get depressed about it all then stuff my face with rubbish, feel worse, eat more rubbish get fatter feel worse

All I hear of is people falling pregnant accidentally SIL niece who has no partner an 8 hour a week contract and lives with her mum announced her completely unplanned pregnancy at the weekend. I've just had enough now. I'm such a failure. I don't want to be angry, bitter and jealous but I am. Please tell me how u I am being.

GailTheGoldfish Mon 11-Feb-13 21:56:56

You're not BU. You're not a failure. It's ok to be angry. Do you have support in RL, people you can talk to? Do you and DH talk about this?

nilnisinixu Mon 11-Feb-13 21:58:52

You are not a failure but you are not being unreasonable either. It's normal to feel the way you are when you want to be pregnant and nothing is happening. You notice pregnancies that you wouldn't otherwise notice.

If your binge eating is bothering you you can get help. If you are feeling depressed then speak to your GP RE counselling.

I have been where you are now, you can get through this.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Mon 11-Feb-13 22:06:55

sad and I can see how every person getting upduffed (especially in the case of your SIL neice when it sounds quite careless and casual - I don't know IRL if that's the case but it doesn't sound ideal)

But the weight/bingeing/feeling bad about yourself is very self destructive.
Can you ask your GP for a dietician referall?
Try and think of the next 3-4 months as a healthy eating time, get your DP 100% on board. Think about just that period of time to begin with (otherwise the future just looms ahead of you, empty)

Years ago I had a BFP then a period. Then I had a BFP and a miscarriage at 7 weeks. It was really difficult to deal with not knowing, but I knew there must be something with me so I stopped TTC, really worked on my diet and weight loss and put ideas of pg on a back burner. And it was difficult.All I could think of was babies.

YANBU, but I'n sure you see yourself that you do need help from your GP.

Good Luck.

selsigfach Mon 11-Feb-13 22:09:50

If yabu, then so am I.

All the 15-year-olds with bumps and screaming haridans with 5 kids hanging off them make me howl inside.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bitter old cow now and again. It will make us love them all the more if/when our babies do come along. Stay strong.

redbobblehat Mon 11-Feb-13 22:12:17


hoping you have some luck

foreverondiet Mon 11-Feb-13 22:46:04

Yanbu but take matters into own hands. I was diagnosed with pcos and an under active thyroid 10 years ago, ttc not happening - no period for several months had been ttc for a year. I saw alternative therapist (acupuncture) joined gym, got diet advice and dieted (Colette Harris book), got thyroid problem sorted by seeking specialist doctor,had hair tested by foresight and took appropriate supplements (basically became obsessed about improving health) but put focus on ttc to one side. Basically you can control your health but you can't control ttc. But yes I was pregnant within a couple of months...

SomethingOnce Mon 11-Feb-13 23:21:17


Sorry you're not pregnant yet.

Isn't it the case that weight loss in PCOS patients increases fertility?

That's another good reason to keep trying to lose weight - you might find you get pregnant without recourse to IVF which obviously would be far preferable.

Best of luck with ttc.

SnoogyWoo Mon 11-Feb-13 23:28:42

Eat healthier and do some exercise and it might just happen.

nokidshere Mon 11-Feb-13 23:35:09

I too have PCOS. When I started trying to get pregnant I was 22 and slightly overweight. My weight went up with the stress levels over the years and down again to a slim size 12 when I came to terms with never having a child.

I was overweight when I concieved (naturally having given up ttc 3 years previously) when I was 39, and even more overweight when I got pregnant again at age 41.

The fertility clinic I spent a lot of my life at was frequented by women of all sizes. From superskinny to superbig. None of them could get pregnant.

YANBU for the way you feel, thats natural in the circumstances. But infertility is very destructive and you need to find a way to come to terms with your own happiness and health - regardless of falling pregnant or not, otherwise it wil eat away at you constantly.

MorphandChas Tue 12-Feb-13 09:00:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedlesCuties Tue 12-Feb-13 09:30:45

You're not alone in how you feel, is totally understandable.

givemeaclue Tue 12-Feb-13 09:38:05

Yanbu, it really is horrendously difficult.

How much weight do you need to lose to start treatment? Could your gp referyou to a dietitian or what about weight watchers? You could start on line today, we have a thread going come and join us.

Wallison Tue 12-Feb-13 09:40:02

Oh it must feel like the whole world is getting pregnant. You are definitely not being unreasonable when every announcement feels like a slap in the face and comes out something like "I'm pregnant and you are not". These feelings are absolutely understandable so please don't berate yourself for having them.

That said, while they are understandable, they don't help you. They don't help you to conceive and they don't help you to learn how to be kind to yourself and help yourself come to terms with your situation. So I would agree with the others and gently suggest a word with your GP. They could at least help with the weight loss issue; not saying that losing weight is the answer to all your problems but it is one area that is making you unhappy and there is help and support available to help you deal with it. They could possibly also refer you to counselling, or failing that you could look into getting a counsellor privately? Not because you're wrong, or bad, or crazy, but because sometimes we all need a little help, and you have a lot to deal with.

tanyatanya Tue 12-Feb-13 11:00:42

YANBU I have PCOS and its a bastard.

However after 5 years of trying we had DS last year. As other posters have said weight loss and exercise are critical (but be realistic you're not going to lose a load of weight each week, like other people might without PCOS) maybe aim for a pound a week, and look at this as a long term project (maybe 6 months or so). Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. It's hard when you hear another person has got pregnant 'accidentally'. But try not to reach for the biscuits... Have a nice bath, go to the cinema, buy yourself a little treat.

Read up about pcos and speak to your dr as you might need meds. Ask them about being referred to a fertility clinic (quite often there is a 6 month or so wait, so get in the queue and use this as a motivation to get fit) Also ask about metformin. this is a diabetic drug which helped me to regulate periods and lose a bit of weight.... This is enough for some Pcos people to conceive. I also had to have Clomid as well to kick start my ovaries.

You can do it, but it might take a little while and you might need a little help. Lots of luck.

ManVsFoodRocks Tue 12-Feb-13 11:04:50

Oh dear sad

YANBU, of course you're not.

But you're also in control of your mind and body. It's not easy, but it can be done.

Take what advice you can to get healthier. Don't think of it in punitive terms - I'm not allowed this, I've got to do that - think of it as nourishing and protecting and looking after your body, which is precious and wonderful and will do wonderful things for you one day.

and try if you can to engage with your pregnant friends and their babies. Believe me, I speak from experience: the route of sadness and bitterness and anger is the easy road at first, and then it is a sad, long, lonely one. If there is anything you can do that will lift you out of that misery - meeting your pregnant pals, being happy for them, telling them they are your practice run, making then show you how to change a nappy - it will be harder at first but in the long run your mind and soul and heart will thank you for it.

Good luck. Now go and start thinking about the most nutritious and delicious and cherishing lunch you can possibly make. pouch some salmon! Grill some lean steak! EAt a pile of spinach!

EuroShagmore Tue 12-Feb-13 11:09:00

Have you discovered the Verity PCOS website? There is a lot of info and support on the boards over there.

BelleEtLaBaby Tue 12-Feb-13 11:52:46

Yy to metformin. I didn't conceive on it (wasn't trying to) but it regulated my pcos symptoms and I lost stones. It took away my appetite so made my diet (slimming world) really easy to stick to as I wasn't munchy all the time. Pcos can play havoc with your body's ability to process insulin. Insulin, if unprocessed in the body, can play havoc with your hormone balance, making pcos worse, making insulin worse and so on in a vicious circle. If you can get one thing under control you often see dramatic improvement in the others.

Weight loss, even a little, can help conception too. When I conceived my ds, I had lost a stone doing low gi eating and walking to work instead of the bus. Im not an expert but I think it's got something to do with how you store oestrogen: I think it's stored up in fat cells, and when you lose weight, releases itself. Losing a few pounds can have an effect on hormones by releasing this oestrogen into your body. I literally had my first period in over a year once I'd lost my first few pounds.

It's really, really upsetting having pcos. And the condition itself can cause depression. What is your gp doing to manage your condition? You don't mention specialists or medications at all. You say you need to lose weight to get treatment but this should not be the case: the weight is a symptom of your condition. Yes, you may need to be under a certain BMI for IVF, but actually you need to see a reproductive endocrinologist and look into managing your pcos as a condition first. Just telling you to go away and lose weight is not helpful: you should at least have been offered metformin by now, and there are other drugs you can take to assist weight loss too. I got met from my gp, and then a referral to a rep/endo. Managing your condition is very important but you do have to be informed and quite confident about what you want. Is your gp sympathetic? If he's been letting you try for 3 years and hasn't even mentioned metformin, I would be looking for another gp with some expertise in your condition - I found mine as he used to be an ob/gyn and so I signed him up. He's been excellent and very informed.

Other things you can try include giving up sugar (man, it's hard but it works), using evening primrose oil to help regulate your cycles, and Angus castus - I never used AC but I did have some success with EPO. Low gi dieting is great if you don't have a sweet tooth and like meat, eggs and cheese smile I used to say to myself : do I want that bar of chocolate or a baby? I had it written on my fridge! Dh dieted with me too: the weekend we gave up sugar was awful, it makes you cranky for a few days so we just shut ourselves in the house and slept! But it makes a huge difference if he's on board. He basically ate what he wanted during the day and did the diet when he was with me - this was for the best as otherwise he would have lost the weight at a faster speed than me and I'd have been all angry

Pcos is horrible but can be managed. I do sympathise. Sorry I seem to have written an essay but I've been battling this condition for over a decade and have started to win. It can be done, but you need help and support, starting with a good gp who knows what they are doing, a good gyn consultant, and support from your dh. You can do it, and you will be so happy with your baby in your arms at the end of it all. smile

Scarlet33 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:01:43

I feel the same. I haven't been trying for as long as you but had an early miscarriage last year which felt so cruel and have been obsessing / trying since - no joy. Worried about my age, quality of eggs, what will I do if it doesn't happen etc etc.....

It's pants :-( hugs

valiumredhead Tue 12-Feb-13 12:52:29

YANBU thanks

DreamsTurnToGoldDust Tue 12-Feb-13 13:04:09

YANBU, absolutely not, thanks and wishing you the best of luck in the future in having a baby.

Hegsy Tue 12-Mar-13 09:49:28

Sorry its taken me so long to come back to this.....I cried reading all your replies and wallowed some more.

To answer some questions I have attended weight watchers since last April and I am a whole 15lbs lighter the when I started hmm I am on metformin prescribed by the GP for insulin resistance caused by the PCOS which in theory should help me loose weight but not when all I do is eat rubbish.

DH has made me go see the GP. I have an appointment tonight and I'm not sure if I can face it.......I feel like she's just going to dismiss me and tell me to get a grip. I've researched PCOS and I know anxiety, depression et al are all things that go part in parcel with it due to the hormone imbalance but I don't know that she's going to be able to do anything to help. The huge irony is that the best cure for PCOS is pregnancy.

Thank you for all your lovely words

EuroShaggleton Tue 12-Mar-13 10:18:52

Hi Hegsy I know it's tough. The Colette Harris book is great, and the Verity PCOS website I mentioned are really useful. For many women with PCOS the fertility issue is lack of ovulation, and weightloss plus a low GI diet can be enough to trigger that, so you have some great morivation there.

xxDebstarxx Tue 12-Mar-13 10:26:07

Hi Hegsy please don't beat yourself up. Your feelings are valid and if the doctor dismisses you and tells you to get a grip then she is not doing her job properly.

If you feel like you won't be able to say everything you need to say write it down and take it with you. Then if you get upset you can hand the piece of paper to the doctor and take it from there.

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