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AIBU to use the disabled toilet at the restaurant today??

(80 Posts)
clumsyoaflike Mon 11-Feb-13 20:10:34

Okies, am 41+3 with severe SPD (also crippled in pain after major back surgery 18 months ago) + I have two broken bones in my left foot after falling down the stairs Friday just gone so am pretty immobile atm. I had a sweep this morning and on the MWs suggestion decided to try and have a walk (shuffle) round the shops. I really couldn't cope so DP took me to the Toby for some lunch before returning to the sofa. The male/female toilets are up a windy flight of stairs so I asked the waitress if I was allowed to use the disabled one (downstairs) and she said that this was ok. I was only in there for literally 5 mins and when I left a lady started shouting at me that I am a young fit woman (I had only opened the door so she didn't see me shuffling). I was in bits, left my dinner, paid and went home.

I only use my stairs at home when I really have to and have been pretty much bed bound.

So should I have struggled with the stairs as I am NOT registered disabled and am a 30 year old woman??!!

Floggingmolly Mon 11-Feb-13 21:16:32

What a ratbag. I always used these when I had a buggy with me, I refused to lock a loo door and leave the buggy outside. I was never told off by anyone, but I would certainly have deserved to be a hell of a lot more than you did.

Dawndonna Mon 11-Feb-13 21:19:31

I have colitis. When I need to go, I need to go. My dd is a wheelchair user, we've been accused of her nicking her chair for show before now, just so that we could use the loo!
Just ignore some people.

The Crohns and Colitis group used to issue a card to explain to folk. Don't know if they still do. Might be worth checking out.

SchroSawMargeryDaw Mon 11-Feb-13 21:23:51

I have Ehlers-Danlos and IBS and funny blood pressure (need to get up slowly at at times), sometimes I need to use the disabled loos just for the handle to pull myself up properly.

I've had a couple of times where I've had comments but I just ignore it now.

If you need to use them, you need to use them! YANBU.

Also, I agree it's always elderly people that the grief normally comes from.

PurpleStorm Mon 11-Feb-13 21:33:52


From the sound of it, you're temporarily disabled because of the SPD, back pain and broken foot.

Hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.

Whitewineformeplease Mon 11-Feb-13 21:37:46

Op, don't give this woman another thought. I had SPD as well, the last few weeks were awful! Soon you'll be holding your little baby in your arms and it'll all be worth it! And like previous posters, mine went away after the birth as well. smile

rainbow2000 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:48:58

People like that annoy me ,i would have got the person who told you it was alright to use it.It would have shut her up.

almostanotherday Mon 11-Feb-13 21:56:27


FanFuckingTastic Mon 11-Feb-13 22:28:33

Aye, nobody is to know what your disability is.

I have mobility issues, but I also have massive undercarriage issues too, they can cause urgency and also difficulty going, and at worst I have passed out with the pain, so if I use the toilet even on a good mobility day, I still feel perfectly entitled to do so.

Also, my continence is sometimes compromised (great way of saying I piss myself) and I need to change and clean up in privacy.

Or I have a debilitating round of nausea and spend ten minutes over a toilet until it passes and I am safe to not barf all over everyone.

I have started holding my head up high and just politely saying, you have no idea of my disability and no right to comment, mind your own business thank you. Don't even explain it. Hmph!

fallon8 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:30:17

My disabilities aren't visible,I use them all the time,,next time if it happens,challenge them on their right of use

ariane5 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:34:32

YANBU at all.

You are currently 'disabled' and were perfectly entitled to use the disabled loo.

Ignore the stupid woman who had a go at you.I have 4 disabled dcs and know how unkind people can be-we often get the 'look' or questioned as dcs 'look ok' if we use a disabled loo or heaven forbid park in a disabled space.

Try to forget about it you should not be made to feel bad when you did nothing wrong.

MERLYPUSS Mon 11-Feb-13 22:41:01

I use the disabled loo when I am with the kids if there is no queue. Technically, I am disabled but do not look so and have no reason to use these facilities other than I can fit all 3 of us in 1 loo at the same time. And probably quicker for those waiting as boys use the loo at same time. "Don't cross the beams".

QueenofPlaids Mon 11-Feb-13 22:46:01


I am extremely fit...and have UC so carry a radar key.

When I'm okay, I use the normal loos. When I'm not I make no apology for using the disabled. I have little shame however and have suggested to a commenter before that they wouldn't like the alternative grin

tiggytape Mon 11-Feb-13 22:51:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plum100 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:57:06


I am not disabled but will use the disabled cubicle if all the others are full - whats the point of leaving it empty when there is noone waiting for it?

MERLYPUSS Mon 11-Feb-13 23:01:21

Oh yes! I forgot the hand dryers. My DT1 hates them. Another reason to use the disabled loo. I can police them then.

PuffPants Mon 11-Feb-13 23:02:47

I thought disabled loos were for people who use wheelchairs? That's why they're wider? I'm not convinced that every disability - visible or not - requires access to a wider loo or immediate availability does it?

Is just being desperate to go enough of a reason to jump in there? Like, reeelly desperate? Or feeling sick? Or having children in tow?

Just wondering... Is it always the case that people with disabilities requiring the disabled loo cannot wait in a queue? What if there's a genuinely disabled person in there already?

QueenofPlaids Mon 11-Feb-13 23:07:46

Puffpants: yes primarily they are wider for wheelchair access, but not just thix. That acknowlged, when you have a UC flare you literally cannot wait. It is usually easiest to let myself into a disabled loo than explain my invisible medical condition to a bunch of randoms and hope they'd rather let me skip the queue than crap myself....

My doctor recommended the radar key.

OxfordBags Mon 11-Feb-13 23:09:24

PG women are legally allowed to use any toilet, so even if you were at the peak of physical fitness, YWNBU to use the disabled loo.

Unfortunately, being disabled doesn't mean that person isn't as cunty as any able-bodied person.

plum100 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:14:40

Yes puff / dissbled people can queue too x

FanFuckingTastic Mon 11-Feb-13 23:21:34

Well, having accessibility is great, and on wheelchair days I definitely appreciate my Radar key, but I think that you are misunderstanding the impact of some of the illnesses that are disabling.

The pain from needing to go, and not, is very intense and can if left make me vomit or fall in a faint to the floor. Or wet myself, which I try to only do when it really is the only option, of course having stress incontinence and a cystocele, with chronic bladder inflammation and UTI infections galore don't always make that easy. It's not just the feeling of desperation, you see.

The nausea is very disorientating, think vertigo with some really intense morning sickness in there. Smells, movement, noises, it all makes it worse. Can hit out of nowhere. Usually pretty bad when I have a UTI that's spreading up to the kidney.

I don't want people calling ambulances or fussing over me when I am doing something that happens to me regularly and I know doesn't need checked over, so I go use the disabled toilet and do it quietly and out of the public eye. You can also use the pull cord if you do happen to faint, and there is a lot more room so if you fall when you faint, you will be less likely to block to entrance or hurt yourself on something.

LayMizzRarb Mon 11-Feb-13 23:26:15

Puffpants. Not everyone who is disabled uses a wheelchair.
I need to use a disabled toilet as the have grab handles to hold onto so I can lower gently onto the seat.

And no, not every disabled person is going to be pissing themselves if they have to wait a minute or two. Maybe you can enlighten us with your definition of 'genuinely disabled'.

And please, I find it irritating, and slightly offensive when people use the expression 'registered disabled'. Registers are for sex offenders. My name is not on a a register anywhere on account of my disability. I did not have to register anywhere to get my Radar/NKS key in order to use accessible facilities.

somedayma Mon 11-Feb-13 23:28:21

YANBU. she was being a cunt. Hope you feel better soon

Valpollicella Mon 11-Feb-13 23:30:06

No Puff, they aren't just for wheelchair users

They are for those with additional needs. Be that an older child who might need changing, and so on. Or those who use wheelchaairs

hhhhhhh Mon 11-Feb-13 23:34:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Having recently sprained my ankle and being on crutches because of this, I went to go to the normal toilets in the local town centre. As I was about to make my way up the corridor to the ladies, I had a voice behind me ask if I wanted to use the disabled toilet instead - it was the cleaner who had noticed I was balancing on crutches and realised it would make life easier for me. I accepted with pleasure, it meant not fighting my way through 2 heavy fire doors or struggling in a relatively small cubicle (fine when without additions but tight when with crutches). I didn't need access due to being unable to wait, but due to the extra space and also the ability to support myself with the hand rails. Disabled? No. But in appreciation of a spacier toilet cubicle due to temporary mobility issues? Yes. And so it should be for anyone who needs to use them, on a temporary or permanent basis. And that is what I believe they are there for. For the use of people who struggle to access a normal toilet, no matter what the reason - noise, claustraphobia, accesssibility, or any other reason.

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