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To get really uncomfortable around a friend when she smacks her children...

(236 Posts)
Toowittoowoo Mon 11-Feb-13 16:23:38

....and other harsh (in my view) disciplining?

I know it is none of my business how somebody else disciplines their DCs but they are all under 3 and they are so lovely. I also don't always understand why they are smacked - seems like trivial things to me. I just can't see my friend in the same way as I used to if she is capable of treating her children like that.

Londonmrss Mon 11-Feb-13 17:08:30

I think it's like believing in God. As an atheist, my morality is based on the the idea that I want to be good to people, not because I'm scared of divine retribution but because I believe that is the right thing to do.

I want my daughter to make the right choice because they are right... not because she is afraid of violent consequences. I don't care how many times I will have to rationalise with her. It's better than beating her.

Can I ask in what circumstances you think a smack is appropriate? Can you give us an example from your own life perhaps?

lolaflores Mon 11-Feb-13 17:08:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Flatbread Mon 11-Feb-13 17:10:25

Suppose 10 per cent of the population hit their children? Then it would suggest that hitting does make children violent. and vice versa

I think 70%+ parents admit to smacking their children.

So it suggests that the children who are disciplined are less likely to be violent...

Londonmrss Mon 11-Feb-13 17:10:55

Pessary I was actually hoping for an intelligent debate with you, but as you are aggressive and inarticulate I don't think I'll bother. I'm guessing you are an aggressive and inarticulate parent as well.

Greensleeves Mon 11-Feb-13 17:12:41

These threads always show up the real problem fairly quickly. Smackers talk about "discipline" when they mean "physical force".

Better education about non-violent effective parenting is what is required. People simply lack the skills.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 17:13:55

lolaflores Pessary did you not take your anti_aggressive meds today?

Strangely enough not on any meds and I am quietly on the internet on holiday dealing with weirdos. How about you.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 17:15:35

Londo, I was responding to a 'lets go outside' post from lola. TBH I am not aggressive at all. Just don't like being walked over.

lolaflores Mon 11-Feb-13 17:15:41

Sinus infection, lots of pain killers, to whit, quite zoned out in honesty. Though Pess you sound like you are person nursing a heart full of might want to sort that out whilst you have a bit of you time

twofingerstoGideon Mon 11-Feb-13 17:16:34

Pessary calling a poster an idiot is actually aggressive.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 17:17:27

Oh thanks for your concern, I am just impatient of stupidity though. No holiday ever takes that way.

lolaflores Mon 11-Feb-13 17:18:13

nd I can smack you back cos I am quite handy, let's do it."
Your words I believe Pessary

Were your words.
Flatbread punching and slapping may be different but an adult slapping someone much smaller than them is also very different.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 17:18:59

two I have been called an abusive parent on here, whats worse?

Hulababy Mon 11-Feb-13 17:19:29

I have to admit that I judge parents who resort to smacking. If it was something I was seeing occur regularly i would reduce or cut contact.
If they asked why I would tell them why.

Greensleeves Mon 11-Feb-13 17:20:25

You're quite right PP. There is nothing worse.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 17:21:11

Am off now, beach and everything see ya all.

lolaflores Mon 11-Feb-13 17:21:22

Pessary you invited all of that abuse with your "tone". Do you not understand that if you are so high handed and condescending to those who may not be able to detect your no doubt wonderful line in cynical eyebrow arching sense of humour that in fact you come across in a rather unpleasant light. Then you get all fighty and hurt by peoples responses.
Suppose it might make you want to slap them

PolkadotCircus Mon 11-Feb-13 17:21:58

Hmm it would make me uncomfortable but then so does hollering,coaxing,threatening,ignoring dreadful behaviour,loud parenting,hours of over indulgent reaoning etc,etc.

I doubt any of us are perfect.

lolaflores Mon 11-Feb-13 17:22:59

enjoy the beach Pessary enjoy, I sincerely mean that. just lie back and relax, calm down a bit and get your head into your holiday. sounds like you need it.

BabyRoger Mon 11-Feb-13 17:23:01

Yanbu in my opinion. I would say I'm quite a strict parent. I expect good behaviour from my kids and I do jot.negotiate when they've been naughty.

I have never and would never hit them. I just cannot fathom using violence to sort the issue?! Inflicting pain on a small child for any reason just boggles my brain.

Anyway, I couldn't watch someone hitting a child. I just couldn't and I'd tell my friend why I was leaving.

I was hit as a child. Never with an implement or anything but I remember being slapped (usually on the head or legs). I'm fine, not traumatised but times have moved on. It's not acceptable to me. God, I wouldn't want to hit them.

andubelievedthat Mon 11-Feb-13 17:23:14

funny,a post re smacking ,right or wrong ends up as a verbal punch up between some? its always going to be an opinion imo because no one knows how smacking a small person might affect them then ,or later.thou its generally accepted that if a child falls/is hit whilst playing u take them to A&E,me, i was hit /smacked, hated it then ,and for some reason unknown to myself i cannot let anyone i do not reallytrust/know come into my little comfort space /zone>i cannot/willnot try to parent other kids>but my opinion is >hit a child, you teach them that violence is ok ,sometimes.

GetOrf Mon 11-Feb-13 17:23:46

I would dump a friend for this - no interest in spending time with idiots who clout their kids.

One day it will be illegal. I wish it was now. No grey areas then.

GetOrf Mon 11-Feb-13 17:24:39

I think PP is the epitome of a goady fucker. Best ignored really.

BabyRoger Mon 11-Feb-13 17:26:26

I do not negotiate

Hulababy Mon 11-Feb-13 17:27:07

Re. the statistics.

I worked in a prison and we did our own research as part of a parenting programme. One of the things we included was that we asked all the men there who were inside for violent crimes at that time about whether they had been smacked as children. It was nowhere near 50/50. It was much higher. I can't remember the exact figures but it was around 90% or more who had been hit as children. It was the vast majority, very few had not. Still doens't mean a whole lot - statistics can be made to fit whatever you like and one piece of data alone doesn't tell the full story - but ime it was way higher than 50/50 quotes earlier.

Theicingontop Mon 11-Feb-13 17:27:55

I was arrested for assault at 14, when my father decided I could use a slap, and I'd finally decided he could do with one back. Funny old world where it's an offence for a child to hit their parents but deemed a 'parenting tool' when a parent hits their child.

If I ever lost it with DS and hit him, I'd feel like a fucking failure.

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