Wibu to contact his mother(55 Posts)
So I lent my "friend" some money as he was in deep trouble... you see where this is going don't you?
Iv known the guy for around 6 years and thought he was someone I could trust, he assured me he'd pay it back by the end of the week, this was a month ago.
The week after he should have paid me back I had some bills coming out and I told him that since I don't have an overdraft I would get hefty bank charges (£5 a day) so I really needed that money. He told me he would pay them, I wasn't happy but didn't really have another option.
Since then it's been lie after lie and telling me he'll have it by Monday then Friday then next week blah blah blah.
Yesterday pawned my engagement ring so I could pay the bank because the charges were getting ridiculous and I was worried ( I'm not actually engaged anymore but loved that ring and wanted to pass it onto my kids someday)
I looked on Facebook and saw that last week he went out clubbing, so I sent a message to his mum asking her to please talk to him and explaining the situation.
We're both fairly young (early 20's) so he's not like a 40 year old man and I'm running to tell his mummy but I know her, she's lovely and I think she would be upset at his behaviour. He had a ridiculously privileged start in life and they did not raise him like this. I think if it was my ds behaving like this I'd want to know so I could kick him in to shape but I'm maybe biased due to my situation.
Years ago I heard a story about a woman who was a really good debt collector.
Companies used to hire her for debts where the person was sticking their gears in the sand & ignoring letters, phone calls etc.
She used to call the person, leave a message, then go to their house & knock, if ignored she would drop her card with as many neighbours she could find (think "A Lady, Debt Collections & Credit Management") with a sweet smile and a polite "Can you ask John to contact me urgently when you next see him? Thanks ever so!".
If they didn't respond to that she'd escalate to their place of work, then to their gym, until she finally embarrassed them into paying up.
The beauty of it was that she never told anyone the reason she was chasing the person (although the text on her card was self explanatory) and didnt have to cAll in any "heavies".
If your friend is embarrassable I'd try similar with his friends & colleagues "oh can you get him to call me, he's trying to repay money he owes me but we keep missing each other" and see if that works.
I had to do this for £100 an ex owed me at college in the early 90's - so in real terms quite a bit of money (fucker got his grant & spent it on going out with our mutual friends instead of paying me back - so the next time the grant was paid I accosted him on the day in front of his friends - he tried to tell me he owed it to his parents - I told him that was his problem and he'd had 6 mths to pay me, and could get a part time job like everyone else if money was so tight!) and he paid up there and then!
Offer to let him pay you in installments? Then he won't be able to spend on something else, in the short term make financial plans, get an over draft? He won't turn up tomorrow or anytime soon with it in full
Well it's good news, his mother messaged back and has said she will pay me the money- I told you she was lovely.
However I now feel extremely guilty as its not really her cross to bear. She said she is also worried for his mental state. I really feel for her because she is a brilliant mother and it must be heartbreaking for her. I want to help him but iv exhausted myself after this and I just can't look at him the same.
I'm a fairly forgiving soul so maybe in the future I can support him again just NOT FINANCIALLY
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