Surprise pregnancy

[Illgetmegoat]

I name change quite a lot so, even if people did know me before (unlikely as I'm a bit of a yes man!) you probably don't now so my situation is added for clarity -

We have 5 DC - we are not very fertile and struggled with PCOS and male factor, we have 5 because our last baby turned out to be babies as happens sometimes with assistance. But it was touch and go and we struggled to get them.
Things are just about perfect as we have all got into the groove of day to day life after a rough time with DS2 who has a disability and has been very poorly.

We love where we are now but to be honest the twins took some adjusting to because we thought 4 was our limit.

But now we have had a surprise - through male factor, one good ovary, a coil and the start of a trial hormonal contraception. TBH the contraceptives were only for me and trying to help sort out my period problems - even my Dr didn't think we needed it to stop pregnancy. But - here we are. All 8 of us.

We are so conflicted - both very, very happy. The emotional reaction is just joy but the rest of me, us, is scared. Scared it's too much, scared we'll have another child that needs as much help as DS2, will suffer as much as he has had to, that we just don't have enough time to meet the needs of the children we have if there is another on the way.
Money - new car, new home - it's so much change for all of us.
I'm scared that by thinking with my heart I'll make a massive mistake for all of us, including this baby. Another whole, unique and amazing person. But a baby none the less - with baby and toddler hood and night wakings and tantrums and all that making a new person entails.

AIBU to want to go ahead? Or is that just too selfish? Why does the one thing we wanted for so many hard years of heartache happen now when it could cause more? Why does something so wonderful feel like a kick in the teeth?

I don't know what to think...or how to think it.

[HildaOgden]

Huge congratulations on your bonus baby .

Go for it girl,you will cope x

[TattyDevine]

The best parent for that child, is almost undoubtedly you.

Dont think too much.

[TattyDevine]

Just wing it.

All you really need is love, as the stupidly fab four said.

[superstarheartbreaker]

All I can think is that you both sound very fertile to me! Congratulations!

[TattyDevine]

Yes they could possibly self-pollinate if they wanted? Only kidding, if you've had probs completing your family then this is just fab news xxx

[JingleMum]

Can I ask how far gone do you think you are?

Give yourself time to think properly, take some time and listen to your heart, don't make any hasty decisions.

Regardless of what you choose, it will be the right decision for you & your family. Don't feel guilty either way.

[Yfronts]

I know this isn't much help now but I know 6 people who have had an accident after completing their family and moving on with their lives. Yes it was a shock but non of my friends would be with out their amazing additional babies/children. They are real gems.

[splashymcsplash]

Congratulations!

Enjoy this amazing news, there is no reason to feel guilty. As for the money side if things: you will manage.

[twinklesparkles]

But now we have had a surprise - through male factor, one good ovary, a coil and the start of a trial hormonal contraception

I think after all this if you still concieved then this baby is pretty much meant to be!!! :)

Congratulations, you will be ok, just as you were when you found out you were expecting twins

Good luck

XxxX

[AshokanFarewell]

If you want to continue with the pregnancy then that is absolutely the right decision for you and your family. Congratulations on your lovely surprise :)

[Illgetmegoat]

Thank you all for your replies and congratulations.

We spent a long night last night both trying to be sensible and really think about what's best - basically waiting for the other to blink.

I spent most of last night with DS2 and really felt the fear - I'm struggling with the idea of trying to do this again and got a huge wave of doubt about everything.

Jingle - early days, I suspect 6 or so weeks. So you're right, we have time.

I can't quite get to grips with it. I have never felt at all vague before and now I go from astounded happiness to pit of my stomach sick with dread and think this just can't happen. A few long nights ahead I think. I hope it all falls into place.

[McNewPants2013]

You will cope and eventually everything will fall into place.

Congratulations of the surprise pregnancy, it seems this baby was conceived against all the odds.

[Ponderingonaquandry]

Congratulations and enjoy your little miracle!

[almostanotherday]

Congrats and as others have said sounds like this one was meant to be

[Kiwiinkits]

Not sure what advice to give apart from to say that you have a CHOICE, a real and genuine choice in this. It is not signed, sealed, delivered. So if you feel that you would be better off without another baby in your family, then that is for you and DH to decide. Don't let a sense of guilt force you into a lifetime outcome.

In Caitlyn Moran's book How to be a Woman she talks about her decision to keep her family at two children, which meant terminating a third, unwanted pregnancy. She was very honest about the fact that she feels it was the best decision, for her, in the long run.

My point is just, do what you have to do. No-one else's business but yours.