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To be fed up when people have an opinion on how many children you have or want

(472 Posts)
brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 20:58:52

I have 2 young boys aged 2 and 7 months and would like 4 children if i'm lucky enough as i was an only child and knew i wanted a big family. Before i went off on maternity leave with my youngest a woman at work said are you done now and i said i would like more children in the future and she said im mad.

Other people have also asked the same thing. Is it me? I wouldn't dream commenting on how many children someone wants or has as it's up to them, when im asked now i feel all defensive about it and don't want to tell them like im a naughty teenager not a 33 year old married woman!

giraffesCantFlipPancakes Wed 13-Feb-13 06:05:17

Oh yes, being a nanny I get it all the time!

Just because I want kids doesn;t mean it is easy to have them, it is not like buying some chocolate!

AmberSocks Wed 13-Feb-13 09:11:44

coralanne its great you are so supportive,i wish my own mum would be so open minded :-)

coralanne Wed 13-Feb-13 09:49:21

AmberSocks has your Mum ever sat in on a "lesson" either formal or informal?

My only concern was that DD was going to be with DC 24/7 365 days per year and it would not leave her any "me" time.

Fortunately she has a very supportive DH who is brilliant at Maths so he goes over all the Maths when he arrives home from work.

DD is also very good . She is actually a trained Primary Teacher but DH has the knack of explaining things so that the DC "get it" first time.

juule Wed 13-Feb-13 10:08:08

Ambersocks I think the issue isn't only what your combined family carbon footprint is when your children are small. You have control over those things at that point. The concern will be when they become independant adults and so there could be a requirement for 4-6 homes? 4-6 cars? Foreign holidays x 4-6? etc. Once they are adults you have little control over their choices.

However, I agree that many larger families use far fewer resources than a lot of smaller families. It's just there is no guarantee that the children of those larger families wouldn't become a high resource user as an adult.

I understand concerns about overpopulation and agree that overpopulation needs addressing. But until other issues are addressed too e.g.wealthier members of society reining in their use of resources, I'm not convinced that larger families are the devils work and don't feel much anxiety about the resources my (larger )family uses.

Saski Wed 13-Feb-13 11:03:56

^^I agree juule. C02 emissions (i.e. the right to pollute) should be fully reflected into the cost of goods, perhaps with a graduated scale i.e. first 10 units at 10 p and second 10 at 12p and so on. This would penalize heavy emitters financially.

AmberSocks Wed 13-Feb-13 13:26:21

no we dont do lessons,we let them learn autonomously,although if there was any need/if they wanted formal lessons my husband would do it or we would pay for tutors.

coralanne Thu 14-Feb-13 00:47:37

That's fair enough. DD's DC actually like their formal lessons. They have a large room dedicated just for this purpose.

DD has interactive whiteboard and writes next day's lessons before she goes to bed.DD nine sometimes rises at 6am, reads her list for the day and gets stuck in to it.

On Tuesday mornings she has a private dance lesson and then teaches a jazz class for 3 year olds. She also choreographs their dance.

DD's reasoning for home schooling her DC was that by the time they finished all the admin work at school, plus lunch, breaks etc. they are actually only getting about 3 hours of actual learning.

Tasmania Fri 15-Feb-13 00:50:20

It's not JUST about environmental issues though.

The rise in population also means that this world will increasingly become competitive - and the UK, with its politically correct attitude of often appealing to the lowest common denominator (particularly in education), will not be able to compete with other countries that really "pushes" the young, and actively "seek" talent.

Try queuing up in a busy, overpopulated Chinese city one day, and see for yourself whether that's the world you want your multiple children to live in one day. If population growth continues at this pace, that's where we will be heading.

And if you still don't care... then you really don't have the best interest of your children at heart.

juule Fri 15-Feb-13 06:56:20

I understand the sentiment behind your last post Tasmania but I know that not everyone finds living in a Chinese city as unpleasant as you seem to.

FellatioNels0n Fri 15-Feb-13 12:46:23

I agree with you Tasmania.

FellatioNels0n Fri 15-Feb-13 12:48:03

I agree with you Tasmania.

FellatioNels0n Fri 15-Feb-13 12:48:29

Not that I've ever been to China but I understand what she is trying to get across.

AmberSocks Fri 15-Feb-13 14:32:13

I dont care,but i do have my childrens interests at heart.I dont agree with you.

Annunziata Fri 15-Feb-13 15:08:15

No, I don't care about my children at all, you're right. I'll just take the younger ones out the back and shoot them right now.

Why are you so fixated on large families? You speak like every second family is 6 plus, which we all know isn't true.

FellatioNels0n Fri 15-Feb-13 15:37:47

Mmm. Good point Annunziata. For every family with six there are several families with one or two, so perhaps it all evens out, an we ll have three?

Except that, if you look at people with large families like you look at greedy people hogging the best food at a buffet, for every family with six or more the other families have to go without for the good of others who may be coming up behind them in the queue.

In the long term, a responsible, civilized society has to have the infrastructure and the resources to support all these people. Why should someone else have to go without so that you can indulge your wants, and have the most? Why should other couples feel compelled to limit their famiiles out of fear that your children may require so much from the pot that their is nothing left for theirs?

FellatioNels0n Fri 15-Feb-13 15:50:01

there. Obviously.

(and it's nothing personal, but this is a serious debate so you have to suck it up.) grin

Annunziata Fri 15-Feb-13 16:28:58

But the buffet is a false comparison, we do use more food and things but we pay for them all. Thank God we have not had to use the NHS much, but God keep them safe all of mine will pay their own taxes and repay what we have used.

A responsible, civilised society also has to build infrastructure and gather resources, and thankfully I currently have three engineers and an accountant in training grin

Plus, you never know who is going to need more or the most from the pot. That could happen to any family of any size.

AmberSocks Fri 15-Feb-13 16:41:35

We dont have any benefits including tax credits or child benefit,we dont use the education provided by the government,i didnt use the maternity sevices and they have never seen a doctor in their life,so in terms of "taking from the pot" we havnt taken anything!

Not everyone is like that but if you knew how much tax my husband pays and how much he is responsible for others paying then you would agree we are putting in well over our fair share,and probably our kids fair shares too.

cantspel Fri 15-Feb-13 16:56:13

Everyone takes from the pot everyday regardless of what services you use or how much you pay.
Just because you haven't used the nhs or schools doesn't mean you are not benefiting from the state.

AmberSocks Fri 15-Feb-13 17:09:38

could you give me an example of something we all use,that we would use more of because i have more children?

We put in more than most people,and by most,i mean more than 99 per cent of the country.

FellatioNels0n Fri 15-Feb-13 18:00:38

You may do Amber but plenty of people with very large families do not. Someone has to pay.

babybarrister Fri 15-Feb-13 18:20:37

Yabu if you expect others to pay for them which should include their education as you are taking up a disproportionate amount of societies' resources IMO otherwise yanbu

AmberSocks Fri 15-Feb-13 18:29:20

even for those people though,people in genera are having less children,anditsnot because they are worried about the enviroment or resources,its because they either dont want to,they cant afford it or simply cant.

AmberSocks Fri 15-Feb-13 18:29:38

it all evens out.

AmberSocks Fri 15-Feb-13 18:30:34

when my son tried school most of his friends were only children,some were one of two,he had one friend who had 4 brothers,that was it,and it was similar throughout the whole school.

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