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to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

(1000 Posts)
StripeyBear Sat 09-Feb-13 15:06:38

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be sad

Startail Sat 09-Feb-13 16:12:53

Oh fuck, I can still write coherent English, when not interrupted by DCs.

idshagphilspencer Sat 09-Feb-13 16:16:41

Why in 2013 are we still arguing about this bollocks? Most women I know have been SAHM and WOHM and something in between over several years. We all juggle different pressures and challenges during our families lives. I love my job, I am a happier person and a better parent for having it. That's me though, works for me and mine.

nkf Sat 09-Feb-13 16:18:00

I think you should make new friends. Ones who like making pizza dough. And then you could discuss how to make better pizza dough with them. And the long winter mornings would just fly by.

DolomitesDonkey Sat 09-Feb-13 16:18:34

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Salbertina Sat 09-Feb-13 16:20:23

Allowing? hmm
She is looking after kids and home, hardly a teenager...

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 16:21:29

earlierintheweek Ditto

idshagphilspencer Sat 09-Feb-13 16:21:31

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kerala Sat 09-Feb-13 16:22:56

I worked in a madly busy high pressure high paid high status international travel job was very happy to chuck it in to be a SAHM. Have loved it and wouldn't change a thing (have worked from home but only made £8k a year so doesnt really count) but realised I am madly jealous of fellow SAHM who has just got a 5 day a week interesting job during school hours. My youngest starts school in September <dusts off CV> quite excited at the thought of changing camps from SAHM to WOHM if someone will give me a job grin

Salbertina Sat 09-Feb-13 16:24:37

Phil, you've hit the nail on the head - most of us will be/have been both sides of the fence so where's the solidarity rather than bitching about each others choices?

janey68 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:25:33

We never seem to get threads started by bored WOHM just wanting to have a dig at SAHM. Funny, that.....

LaQueen Sat 09-Feb-13 16:25:41

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Pagwatch Sat 09-Feb-13 16:28:26

I've seen bashing from both sides and it is grimly funny that the reaction seems to be

'how dare you judge my choices you smug cow - at least I am not (insert smug judgey criticism of other posters choice)'

And they never, ever see the irony

butterflyroom Sat 09-Feb-13 16:28:37

YABU - sorry, I work in a full time, 'demanding' and well paid job. I've worked bloody hard and relish the challenges my job offers. I also have time to do lovely things with DS, friends and family because I have good time management. Don't get me wrong, I can feel tired and do look forward to holidays but this post is more about your lack of ability to manage a positive work/life balance in your previous role. By the way, I love marksies drizzle cakes grin

Spero Sat 09-Feb-13 16:28:47

Janey68, most excellent point <adjusts fetching pyschologists hat>

I wonder why that is?

kerala Sat 09-Feb-13 16:28:52

I have been a SAHM for purely selfish reasons and happy to admit it. Am sure DDs would have been fine in decent childcare.

sleepyhead Sat 09-Feb-13 16:29:25

Janey, have you really never come across Xenia? grin

Actually, I don't think she really starts threads, so that's not fair.

nevergoogle Sat 09-Feb-13 16:30:20

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Ashoething Sat 09-Feb-13 16:30:22

Op starts a thread spouting cliches shite about wohm. Then they wohm pile in with cliches shite about sahm. Yet they are failing to see the irony...

Spero Sat 09-Feb-13 16:30:43

I try never to unfairly judge another's choice in life, but a little part of me always twists inside when someone is championing a 'choice' which is denied to many I.e. the luxury of not having to work if you don't want to...

kerala Sat 09-Feb-13 16:30:53

Ha yes according to Xenia SAHM are essentially prostitutes <grabs push up bra and feather boa>

janey68 Sat 09-Feb-13 16:31:53

Sleepyheads- WOHM will quite rightly defend their position when attacked. But I said they don't start threads simply to attack people who make different choices. You do need to ask why that seems to be the case ...

earlierintheweek Sat 09-Feb-13 16:32:15

I genuinely have no choice. I have no DH to allow me to sit at home and bake lemon drizzle cake. I wonder how many of my friends I have offended when they've run me to ask how my day has been and I've said crap because of this and that and the next thing.

Anyone is entitled to do and be whatever they like wohm sahm p/t f/t and anything in between. But to sit smugly having no sympathy and inwardly shouting why as the op does is just horrid. imvho.

Spero Sat 09-Feb-13 16:33:11

Xenia is her own unique micro climate. I am just as bad as a sahm in her eyes because I chose a poorly paid area of law in which to specialise.

Haha! Ipad auto corrected 'sahm' to 'sham'.

kerala Sat 09-Feb-13 16:33:12

All the WOHMs are I know are super organised and up together.

VinegarDrinker Sat 09-Feb-13 16:33:15

I'd say the majority of posts from SAHMs and WOHMs have been eminently sensible actually. Couple of tired cliches, definitely, but "piling in" is over egging it.

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