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AIBU?

To walk out and 'hide' at my mums because of arguement with DH?

78 replies

SaneAusten · 09/02/2013 14:10

DH travels regularly for work. Has early flight tmr so was going to go and stay at a hotel near the airport tonight so he doesn't have to get up at a mad hour to make the flight. He checked I was ok with that which was great. I was fine. Plan was that he left at 5pm today for the hotel.

He's a bit unwell and has been coughing all night. Said this morning he hadn't slept all morning so I took children downstairs. No problem with that.

He wakes at midday and comes down and says he is popping down to tesco. I asked if he could go after the children had been put down for middday nap so he can help me a bit I.e nappy change etc. He started getting stressed saying he still had to pack. So at this point I annoyed and say you have 5 hours left and what is the issue with going just half hour/hour later. At which point he walks away with a dissmissive "you always do this. Grow up!".

I became really mad and couldn't even speak so I just walkd out (perhaps proving how immature I am?). Now at my mums and wondering why I just flounced and how unreasonable I was? I know I should have talked to him as that would have been best way to handle and I know his work pays for everything as I'm a sahm. But seems every time he has a trip its all abt how important it is and I have to work around it. Perhaps I'm just tired as haven't had a lie-in for weeks! Sorry this is so long. :) Also, my DH isn't normally horrible. In fact a quiet spoken gentle guy. Just gets stressed about work related stuff and forgets that I may be stressed too.

OP posts:

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Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 14:17

He was being childish not wanting to change a nappy! But I have to say you overreacted if your mum's place is too far away and you have travelled miles just to make a point

This is so petty and could have easily been solved by you changing the nappy and allocating him a time when he is back from work duties to look after the kids whilst you go and have your hair done and buy yourself a handbag

Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 14:19

I do get your anger though. I'm a mum of three and have been known to pop out for milk and come back 2 hours later whilst ex tended the kids, hence a hypocrite as far as previous post is concerned

Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 14:20

Opps strikeout fail ha!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 09/02/2013 14:20

Why is he leaving at 5pm for a long night in a hotel.Blimey that practicality half day.

Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 14:20

Oops and spelling fail apologises and runs from thread

Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 14:23

Trying again

apologises and speeds away from thread

nefertarii · 09/02/2013 14:23

Are you going to hide there till he has gone, really?

Can I ask what you 'always do'?

SaneAusten · 09/02/2013 14:23

It is petty. I know. Ok I'm going back now so he can prepare to leave for hotel. My mums place is not far-just a 5min drive away.

I do need to book in my time and I think this is why I sort of drama queened. Feeling a bit overwhelmed for a few weeks now and I guess this was a meltdown. Just needed to put this out there and have someone tell me to snap out of it. :)

OP posts:

Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 14:24

Yep, strikethrough worked at last! Trust me I'm teetotal

SaneAusten · 09/02/2013 14:29

What I 'do' means when I've been annoyed before when he's tried to leave at like 3pm for a flight which is the next day. My reasoning is that children and I would like a bit of time before he goes and since flight next day he doesn't need to go so early. But I get stressed when explaining it and so he says I'm all wound up. Need to find better way of making myself understoood! And set clearer rules in place.

OP posts:

WillYouDoTheFandango · 09/02/2013 14:35

Yep a bit petty today but YANBU to not want him to leave at 5pm to avoid an early get up the next day. If the hotel is an hour away why can't he leave at ~9pm when the kids are in bed and you're parked in front of the telly with a nice ?

YouOldSlag · 09/02/2013 14:35

I was all set to say YABU and grow up, but having read your OP I agree with you. However, you need to tell him what you've told us so eloquently.

I am also a SAHM and support DH so he can in turn support us. However, what sometimes gets forgotten in the rush is that I am a tired person who needs a break, I am neither a robot nor the paid help.

Unless the airport is a five hour drive away I see no reason why he needs to leave so early. Tell him that he is a member of the family and can't just go somewhere quiet when he feels like a break from it.

manicbmc · 09/02/2013 14:38

There is no need for him to go at 5 and therefore I don't see why he should be all stressed about leaving then. Seems odd tbh.

When he isn't just about to leave for a flight, speak to him about him making sure he spends some quality time with you all and organises himself accordingly.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 09/02/2013 14:44

Ah just reread it says mad hour not an hour drive. How far is the airport?

WorriedTeenMum · 09/02/2013 14:46

When I used to travel regularly for work DH and I were often snappy with each other the day before. The thing that helped was recognising this in ourselves, acknowledging that we would both be a bit stressed especially at the point of going so both making an extra effort to be kind to each other (even if done through gritted teeth).

SaneAusten · 09/02/2013 16:07

The airport is just over an hour away. I don't understand why it's always The Flight and a whole big fuss esp when he does travelling regularly. It's like WTM says - we get a bit snappy during countdown. He get's stressed abt packing etc and I get annoyed because he gets so fussy and stressed and forgets that I also perhaps need a hand. It's also definately a lot to do with myself adjusting to this whole sahm gig and taking on a very traditional housewife role where I do all house related stuff. It's lack of communication and a pinch of feeling neglected I think. I'm glad I posted on here for objective viewpoints.

Fandango and Manic - there is no real need to go so early. This has been my argument previously BUT I've come to understand that if he feels better, less stressed doing so than it's fine. However, it'd be nice to also get a bit of understanding too such as perhaps take the rubbish out for me or do the one nappy change before he swans off leaving me with ill children and more sleepless nights to cope with without a break for another fortnight Thank you all for giving me your time and commenting (strikeout fails and all!).[Grin]

OP posts:

YouOldSlag · 09/02/2013 16:41

BUT I've come to understand that if he feels better, less stressed doing so than it's fine

What about you? Him leaving so early makes more work for you. You don't get to opt out for a rest once you have a family. He needs to compromise here. It's only taking him a long time to pack because he's eking it out. I bet if he only had 30 minutes to pack he'd manage it fine.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 16:51

He's being a bit of a drama queen, I think. I agree with those who say he can leave yours later. The hotel is only for sleeping in, not having a nice time. It's business, not a treat with an extra night away. YouOldSlag is quite right.

What to do? Carry on babying him?

MsPavlichenko · 09/02/2013 17:24

I rarely post , but 1. He his not taking out the rubbish for you, I assume he is taking out the household rubbish, and 2. his work pays for everything , because your fulltime childcare/domestic work allow him to go to work in the first place.

Ragwort · 09/02/2013 17:30

If the airport is only an hour away why does he have to get there at 6pm - my DH travels a lot for work & if he needed to stay overnight the night before (which he wouldn't because he is a very early riser anyway ) he would just leave at 9pm, after dinner, get to the hotel by 10pm, unwind with a drink coffee and be in bed for 11pm. It sounds very odd that he needs to get there quite so early ................

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 09/02/2013 17:31

if airport is only an hour away there is no way my DH would want to leave us a day early if he was off for two weeks. especially if kids were young and ill. he sounds a bit selfish to me op. sorry

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 09/02/2013 17:34

It sounds very odd that he needs to get there quite so early ................ hmm is he travelling alone?

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Casmama · 09/02/2013 17:34

I think he is being totally selfish. Leaving at 5pm to stay an hour away for an early flight is ridiculous. I agree with the poster above 9pm is a reasonable time for him to leave. Why should you look after the kids while he swans off to a hotel for dinner then to sit back and relax for a few hours before getting an early night?

Turquoiseblue · 09/02/2013 17:36

He s being a BT churlish and selfish - leaving so early to sleep before an early flight. He can sleep on the flight too you know.
You have needs too, you deserve a break,
He also has an obligation to his kids not just you- why is he spending time away in a hotel room when he could be playing with them - not just changing nappies I think that sounds a little sad.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 09/02/2013 17:37

My dh travels a lot for work and the airport is an hour away. There's absolutely no way he'd go stay there the night before a flight - especially if it meant leaving home at 5pm the day before a flight.

So what... He gets to the airport hotel at 6pm and has a lovely relaxed evening, meal, drinks, early night, while you're doing all the shitwork at home?

He is taking the piss and he sounds like a selfish bastard.

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