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Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

(340 Posts)
Neverland2013 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:46:22

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

amillionyears Sun 10-Feb-13 13:39:49

Oh, should say, agree with Hully!

Trills Sun 10-Feb-13 13:56:46

YABU to not want to be invited. That's ridiculous.

Especially because I imagine that what you want is for the other person not to be invited.

You don't want them to be invited and you not invited, so YAB especially U because the thing you say you want is not what you actually want.

The friend doing the inviting clearly either doesn't know precisely what went on, or does but doesn't think it is so bad. Either way, they have decided that they still want to be friends with both of you.

I think the invite-er is being perfectly reasonable to invite both of you, let you both know that the other is invited, and let you sort out your spat between yourselves.

Trills Sun 10-Feb-13 14:17:58

I agree with Maryz that the question is not about "was the friend who bought the house in the wrong?"

The thread is about whether the friend who is stuck in the middle is wrong to invite both of them.

And the answer to that is "not necessarily".

Hullygully Sun 10-Feb-13 14:20:04

the other question is much more interesting tho you raving pedant

Maryz Sun 10-Feb-13 14:27:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stradbally Sun 10-Feb-13 14:28:15


flowery Sun 10-Feb-13 14:44:54

You weren't gazumped but I agree your ex friend didn't behave well.

However I find it weird to be cross with your other friend for inviting you to something confused. Inviting someone is a nice thing to do, leaving someone out is not. Seems like your friend couldn't win. If she had left you out no doubt you would be fed up about her taking sides with the ex friend.

If what you mean is you wanted your friend to exclude the ex friend, YABU for not saying that in your OP.

ivykaty44 Sun 10-Feb-13 14:55:32

so did you put an offer in for the house? I am guessing you didn't as she viewed the house a week later and if you had put an offer in and had it accepted then the house would have been sold and she would not have been able to view it.

Do you think that maybe they waited a few days to see if you offered on it and then when to view it and the agent would have said whether there was any other serious interest in the house (namely you) if you had put in an offer then.

ivykaty44 Sun 10-Feb-13 14:57:44

the freind that is somehow stuck in the middle - well possibly they didn't realise how you still feel about this woman buying a house you liked.

Is she wrong to invite guests to her house - no she is not.

Do though explain to her why you don't want to go and I am sure they will drop you from social occasions

digerd Sun 10-Feb-13 17:25:08

OP already explained that she HAD put an offer in and told her 'friend' how much and how high she could go. 'Friend ' then went behind her back and put in a higher offer, having not mentioned she was interested in finding a new house. The other 'friends' knew this but didn't tell OP until after completion.

digerd Sun 10-Feb-13 17:33:19

And my Estate Agent lied to me when he told me there were 5 others waiting to pay the full asking price for that bungalow. The truth was there had been 5 other viewers but all were not interested as far too much work needed doing on it. I pulled out and they reduced it by £10,000 .

Hissy Tue 12-Feb-13 00:10:16

if you had put an offer in and had it accepted then the house would have been sold and she would not have been able to view it."

Oh if only that kind of integrity actually existed in house selling...

ivykaty44 Tue 12-Feb-13 16:19:08

hissy i twice tried to view a couple of houses that had been offered on that morning so they refused - even thought we were in a great possition to buy - i guess it depends who you deal with they must all vary

CinnabarRed Tue 12-Feb-13 17:15:38

My XH once bought a flat for us to live in that I hadn't seen. He thought it was perfect for us (it was), I was feeling very fragile because we'd lost a lovely property (failed its survey), and he wanted to move quickly to put an offer in. He called me, told me he loved the flat, suggested putting an offer in there and then, and I agreed.

So, it's possible that the ex-friend really hadn't seen the property before her DH put their offer in, particularly if she herself was depressed (to the point of losing friendships from what the OP has said) and felt too fragile to get involved in the househunting process.

Cherriesarelovely Tue 12-Feb-13 17:48:32

Yanbu exactly, especially if the person hosting the event was a very close friend of yours and not of the woman you have fallen out with. On the other hand if she was as friendly with both of you then it was fair enough she asked you both. I'm sure you would prefer that than not being asked.

I know how you feel though, we had a terrible falling out with old friends last year (over our children). Tried and tried to approach them to resolve it and was blanked every time. We gave up after a year and, like you, could not be in the same room as them now. I think it is much worse when friends take sides though.

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