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To feel like she's constantly having a dig?

(13 Posts)
WifeofPie Fri 08-Feb-13 22:34:05

I have a neighbour (our sons are best friends and constantly back and forth) who turns every (otherwise innocuous) conversation into an opportunity to either one-up or insult me. Today's example was a conversation about the merits of various cars, as she's shopping for a new one. She proceeded to tell me that she really likes my estate car but couldn't have her three in the back, side-by-side, (as I do) because it's so 'unsafe'. Um...OK? The other day it was questioning the fact that I let my daughter do competitive gymnastics (5 days a week) and wasn't it 'too much?' (It's not...and DD adores it). AIBU to feel a bit upset? I just can't understand people women who say things like this as it seems so obviously....well, rude, and it would never cross my mind to say something like that to someone else confused.

LifeofPo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:35:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag Fri 08-Feb-13 22:39:55

Low self esteem?

That could apply to both of you though grin

Her for feeling she has to point score, and you because you give a bollocks what she thinks.

I suppose what she said could be asked in all innocence and not meaning it as a dig at you.

Are you the type of person like I am who read a negative meaning into the things people say?

larks35 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:42:08

Have you asked her why she says these seemingly rude comments? Is it worth confronting her? I think most people just speak for the sake of it and yes, sometimes it is meant to be pointed, but usually it is just prattle and I'm inclined to ignore most of it, politely like wink

Hassled Fri 08-Feb-13 22:43:40

Oh come on - the neighbour sounds like a bit of a nightmare. I don't think WifeofPi is guilty of reading too much into things here - I bet neighour's the sort of woman who is proud of the fact she likes to "tell it how it is", which is code for "arsey cow".

larks35 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:44:33

FWIW if someone told me their DC trained at something 5 nights a week I would probably say "Blimey, that's a lot!" Not with any judgement just with slight surprise and maybe an element of interest.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Fri 08-Feb-13 22:59:14

Urgh, I have known people like her in the past and they're very irritating. Constant caustic comments and just chip chip chipping away. I think as she's your neighbour and your Ds's friend's mum, I would just try to have as little to do with her as possible and then just ignore her comments. Try to minimise chatting time. And try to be vague with her. Don't give too much away to her about you and your life, as then you give her ammunition and things to make digs about. Keep conversation as light and basic as possible.

WifeofPie Fri 08-Feb-13 23:08:14

At first, I thought it was just prattle...sort of a foot-in-mouth thing that we all do. But it sort of goes one step beyond that; like faux concern that can only be interpreted as criticism, followed by end of conversation and flouncing turning away.

Life No hobbies. Do you think that's the problem? grin

I suppose just ignoring it is the way to go, but I just don't get it.

WhereMyMilk Fri 08-Feb-13 23:12:19

The simple MN truth...just say, blimey, did you mean that to sound so rude?

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Fri 08-Feb-13 23:16:29

WifeofPie; let me guess, it's all said with a syrupy sweet smile in a cheerful tone so that it's not clear immediately whether it's a comment with a sting in the tail or not?

I don't get that kind of behaviour either. It seems to be built in to some people. It must be as surely no one has the brain capacity to constantly think 'right, what can I say that's unpleasant here?'

WifeofPie Fri 08-Feb-13 23:17:15

grin I've never said that to anyone in RL before. Should I? Does it work?

WifeofPie Fri 08-Feb-13 23:18:28

Spot on, MrsMangel.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Fri 08-Feb-13 23:22:15

I thought so Wifeofpie!

I would also combat all her nasty comments by cheerily sticking to your opinion. ie she says she doesn't want her 3 kids to sit in the back of the car like yours do, you say 'Oh we love the kids sitting together in the car. Isn't the weather lovely today?' and instantly change the subject. It's easy when talking to that type of person to find yourself explaining yourself and your choices, and this is what they want! Refuse to get drawn into it, don't feel you have to justify yourself to them.

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