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To expect my future sister in law not to announce her sudden engagement/wedding plans, less than 2 weeks after me and DP announce our last minute wedding (in May this year!)

(82 Posts)
MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 21:44:18

Basically me and my DP have been together for 10 years, we have 2 children together and we have finally decided to get married in summer of this year. DP's sister has been with her partner for just over the same amount of time, they also have children and have always said they would never get married/shown little interest. Two weeks ago we announced our wedding plans and all of a sudden it is plastered all over facebook (we rang everybody up to let them know personally) that they are also getting wed (in approx. 2 years time so a while off yet) and are soooo excited blah bah. Every status update since yesterday has been about their 'imminent wedding' am I being unreasonable to think it is a huuuge coincidence? Not sure if I'm reading too much into it and need some perspective.

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:09:43

I think because there have been similar patterns of blatant 'copying' behaviour in the past also adds to my reasons for getting tired of it all.

Iaintdunnuffink Fri 08-Feb-13 22:11:05

Maybe she's persuaded her partner to marry her to get back at you for having differing views about being vegan?

MerylStrop Fri 08-Feb-13 22:12:22

But, really truly, no one is so deranged as to actually get married just to piss someone else off.

There might be a vague sense for them that they will have diverted some attention from your wedding, which is petty and irritating. But it will only work if you get bothered by it. Which you shouldn't because it makes absolutely no difference to you whatsoever.

Rise above

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:12:57

i.e my DP has just completed a PhD in physics...her DP is applying to do a PhD in guess which subject?? I do sound like I'm being v petulant but it is a culmination of a lot of separate events that have made me wonder and I realise it sounds like I'm being a total cow.

Iaintdunnuffink Fri 08-Feb-13 22:15:32

If you suspect such things, then I think ignoring is the only way to go. Get on with your own plans. Smile and nod at hers in social situations.

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:15:41

Wise words MerylStrop

nkf Fri 08-Feb-13 22:15:53

If she's copying you, it's probably because she admires you.

Booyhoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:18:53

oh i fucking hate this ridiculous childish competiveness over weddings. it is so bloody unnecessary and serves only to rile all parties involved about what should be a time of celebration. just get over yourself. your wedding is not the only wedding to ever exist or matter, you are not the only bride. your wedding will come and go and people wiil forget all about when it was announced in relation to sil's long before you have stopped seething about it. seriously, it isn't worth winding yourself up about. relax, plan your wedding and enjoy the whole thing from start to finish. resentment only hurts you.

specialsubject Fri 08-Feb-13 22:21:41

wow. The OP can't be 12 years old, but it does sound like a playground problem!

Iaintdunnuffink Fri 08-Feb-13 22:22:15

You must be having a wine induced joke smile

She's getting married because you are. Now the partner is embarking on the same phd as your partner to spite you. Yes, I would take up a phd in physics to get back at a sibling of my husband.

HyvaPaiva Fri 08-Feb-13 22:25:44

Also, they are now separated, whereas I have been very happily married for 15 years! (karma smile )

Mum47, a smug smiley face because someone's marriage broke down? That's really horrible of you.

larks35 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:27:17

I'm sorry but surely no-one decides to undergo a minimum of 3 years of research on very little pay just to piss of their SIL/BIL! If they do, then I hugely doubt they'll achieve the docrate.

Seriously, I do think you "over-think" the decisions your SIL and her DP make. The two you mention - marraige and a PhD - are really quite major life decisions. Do you really think they are doing it just to copy you and your DP?

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:28:22

Booyhoo I totally understand where your coming from. I read so many threads like this where I feel like the OP is being out of order and displaying serious bridezilla behaviour. I think the reason I am a bit 'put out' is because it's like the final nail in the coffin. There are so many other things where DP and I have both given them the benefit of the doubt and thought that we were stupid for even thinking they would 'copy' us. This has confirmed to us that there are some obvious underlying issues. Everyone who has contributed is right though, in so much as I do need to ignore it and get on with being happy for them. Bitterness just eats you up inside!

Bogeyface Fri 08-Feb-13 22:37:12

Sounds too much of a coincidence to me. And sorry larks but some people really do do things like get married, emigrate or take on huge commitments just to prove some ridiculous point. It has happened in my family where one cousin has announced their engagement only for another cousin to do the same and then start a "battle of the brides" just so they can win!

Its pathetic, but it does happen.

OP I think I would do a niceness attack! Send them a congratulations card, wish them well and go OTT on the loveliness! You cant hate someone who is out and out wonderful to you, well you can, but cant show it and that will drive her NUTS grin

mum47 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:41:08

Oh god Hyvam, you are right. It was not meant to sound like that and I take it back totally, really sorry, I would never intentionally make light of someone else's circumstances.

PureQuintessence Fri 08-Feb-13 22:41:14

Yabu. I am sorry, but there is hardly much excitement about a wedding that takes place after having two kids and being together for a decade. This type of insane excitement is in my opinion young newfound love territory. Why be excited about a couple that has been living together for a long time and have kids?
I get it, that it is great for you, but honestly? It really is no big deal. 8 years ago, it would have been a big deal.

Booyhoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:45:26

" Bitterness just eats you up inside! "

it really does, dont do that to yourself, dont taint your memories of your wedding or the lovely build up to it.

IceNoSlice Fri 08-Feb-13 22:47:10

I don't agree PureQuintessence. If a couple has been together a decade and has 2 kids want to get married, I would say there is a lot to celebrate.

Congratulations OP. Enjoy planning your big day.

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:47:43

Forgot to add that as soon as we announced our plans I changed my fb name to e.g. 'Firstname Surname NEARLY Dp's surname' as our wedding is only 15 weeks away. She has followed the exact same format and was how we found out they were officially engaged because I noticed her name change. Yet they are planning their wedding in 2 years??

PureQuintessence Fri 08-Feb-13 22:51:39

Of course it is something to celebrate, but not something to whip up a Facebook storm about.

MsVestibule Fri 08-Feb-13 22:53:36

PureQuintessence Most people's weddings aren't very exciting for other people, regardless of the time they've been together. MY DH and I got married after 4 years and 2 children, and I promise you, it was every bit as meaningful for us as it is for people who have been together a shorter time or don't have DCs.

No way it was a mere formality.

MadameFlutterby Fri 08-Feb-13 22:54:18

PureQuintessence...Our wedding is more than that to us. We are celebrating the end of our studies aswell. I went to uni and trained as a primary teacher after our first child was born (we were only 20 when we became parents) and DP has been an eternal Physics student for 10 years. He has just handed his thesis in and now applying for his dream job. This involves us moving away from all of our family so that's why we have planned it this way. Our wedding is like a big party to us and we have been saving up for a long time so perhaps that's why it feels like such a big deal.

Bluestocking Fri 08-Feb-13 22:54:27

Jeez, those vegan physicists are the pits. I live next door to a houseful of them and I swear they copy every move I make. I put out the bins the evening before bin day - five minutes later, there they are, trundling their wheelie bin around as if they'd just thought of it themselves.

chandellina Fri 08-Feb-13 22:55:05

I'm with purequintessence, if it's 10 years in I just don't appreciate the drama. Who cares if someone else in the family also wants to get married? Be happy, not childish.

noblegiraffe Fri 08-Feb-13 22:56:17

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, take it as a compliment.

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