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to potentially start our first ever disagreement?

(10 Posts)
alisunshine29 Fri 08-Feb-13 17:55:00

DP and I have been together 3.5 years without a single argument. Recently some things he does/says have been annoying me but they're reasonably small so not sure if they're really worthy of being the first argument!
Examples: he saya: "I'm glad I could help you out" if he has our 8 month old DD for a little bit on his days off while I work on my degree.
He speaks to 5 year old DD in a simple/improper way, I.e. "today I did go to the shop" rather than I went.
He is inconsistent with elder DD - one day he'll tell her to shut the door of a room after she enters it, the next day when she does so he'll tell her off for playing with doors!
DD1 would like 15 mins of having me to herself to read to me/me to her at bedtime as I have DD2 the rest of the time. DD2 will only settle with him if she can't see me but despite him knowing this he stays where she can see me so I end up taking her and juggling both kids.
He keeps saying he can't wait til DD2 goes in her own room and sleeps all night so we can have more sex, but he doesn't see getting her to that milestone as his responsibility, he thinks it's all up to me as I BF.
AIBU to raise any/all these issues and start our first ever disagreement?

sixlostmonkeys Fri 08-Feb-13 17:57:22

You need need to start a disagreement, but you definitely need to start a good ol' talk

Euphemia Fri 08-Feb-13 17:58:21

It doesn't need to be a disagreement: sit down and talk to him calmly.

alisunshine29 Fri 08-Feb-13 18:05:37

What I mean is it's the first time I'll ever 'file a complaint' so will be breaking the long stint of neither having upset the other.

annielouisa Fri 08-Feb-13 18:21:51

I think your DP must have upset you in some other way as some of the things that are upsetting you seem odd. What is the matter with asking a five year old to close a door behind them but not to play or fiddle with doors in a a way they may trap their fingers?

Are you upset that you feel he is ousting your DD2 or expecting you to do it from your bedroom to put more sex on the menu. If that is bothering address that issue with him instead of a list of smaller gripes that hide a major concern.

Do you and DD1 sit in her room while having her 15 minutes with the door closed so he is actually bringing in DD2? If he is tell him not to. If you are in a communal area tell DD1 your special time is better in her room

WilsonFrickett Fri 08-Feb-13 18:21:53

But he is upsetting you, isn't he? So 'neither of us have upset the other' doesn't really stand.

You're upset. What's important is how you deal with it. Have you really been 3.5 yrs with a man and had a child with him yet feel you can't talk to him about how you feel?

MrsLouisTheroux Fri 08-Feb-13 20:10:48

Sounds like he has upset you (see list of irritations) but you just haven't felt the need to pull him up on it.
Agree, talk to him when you're feeling irritated. He sounds irritating.

floweryblue Fri 08-Feb-13 20:19:54

I would try to tell him what has annoyed you, at the time of being annoyed, but without acting annoyed iyswim (and out of earshot of the DC).

It doesn't have to be a row.

AgentZigzag Fri 08-Feb-13 20:19:58

You're not 'spoiling' things, unless you're content to be in a relationship where neither person is allowed to voice how they feel, or there's an unwritten rule that negative things must never be said.

And both of those don't sound too healthy.

I hardly ever argue with DH, but that's not to say I wouldn't have a quick snipe at him or be able to say I'm not too happy about something without him going off on one.

There must have been things you've discussed where you didn't agree with him? Surely you don't always agree with each other?

DoJo Sat 09-Feb-13 00:39:58

Me and OH never row, but will occasionally tell each other plainly that we are annoyed - could you bring it up in a manner that opens with trying to find a solution such as 'Right, well this isn't working with everyone in the room together so I'm going to do x and you do y' or similar? You can only have a disagreement if you disagree and you might find that he doesn't. Also, I'm assuming he is not the father of your eldest (maths genius me!) so could it be that you are extra sensitive to the way he treats her since your youngest has been on the scene? So long as the talking etc is in play and he isn't actually teaching her to speak improperly then things like that don't need to be a problem, so I would pick your battles instead of giving him a long list of unrelated grievances and expecting him to fix them all at once.

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