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To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

(505 Posts)
stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:16:31

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 13:23:03

She's responded "thanks anyway, will have to take dd to birthday party too - shell be bored but never mind"

Her DS is nursery age which is why she's staying for party.

When she picked her DD up late she was really casual about it like it didn't matter either way. Had she been apologetic I might be a might more forgiving

expatinscotland Fri 08-Feb-13 13:25:43

Well, that is her lookout. She could easily drop the son off, drop the daughter off, go back to the party, pick up girl from dance, go back to party.

Thistledew Fri 08-Feb-13 13:28:52

You could offer to collect her DD and keep her until XX specific time, but if she is not collected at that time you will phone social services and have them collect her.

expatinscotland Fri 08-Feb-13 13:30:55

As it's a weekend, why can't her DH take one child? Is he working? If not, methinks she was looking for a way to dump the kids and swan off.

HerRoyalNotness Fri 08-Feb-13 13:36:26

I see its solved, but you know I would. It's your DD friend, they have a chance to play together. I tend not to get hung up about other peoples tardiness
Or foibles. I go with, is it a hassle for me, and would my DC enjoy having their friend over?

Thumbwitch Fri 08-Feb-13 13:42:52

Oh dear what a pity for her and her DD that the DD will have to go to the party too and be a touch bored. What a shame. Blimey.

TheCalvert Fri 08-Feb-13 13:46:02

Emotional blackmail much? You've done the right thing OP!

Kaekae Fri 08-Feb-13 13:50:19

I am not a push over but I think I would help her out. If she is your friend? It was 6 months ago you last looked after her child, give her a second chance. Won't your own child enjoy the company of her child anyway?

Branleuse Fri 08-Feb-13 13:59:44

just say no! NO, just say no.

I'd say no & say after last time? You've a cheek!

tiggytape Fri 08-Feb-13 14:04:24

I tend not to get hung up about other peoples tardiness

It isn't just about being a bit miffed at having someone waltz in 3.5 hours late with no good reason though. It was about being left with a very distressed child expecting their mummy to return when she said she would and the problems this caused. If poor DD's friend is sobbing her heart out because mummy is 1 then 2 then 3 hours late, neither little girl is going to be having a nice time.

Plus most people sort this stuff out for themselves - take one child to something boring so the other child doesn't miss out etc. Fair enough if you have a reciprocal arrangement with another mum or if the favour is for something important eg a hospital scan that kids might not be welcome at - but why would anyone assume other people will run round after them on a Saturday just so one child can go to a party without boring the other child for an hour?

DuchessFanny Fri 08-Feb-13 14:06:01

* "thanks anyway, will have to take dd to birthday party too - shell be bored but never mind"*

So no big emergency then ? ! cheeky caaaaaaaah !

Woodenpeg Fri 08-Feb-13 14:07:31

I wonder why everyone else she's asked says no too?

ZZZenAgain Fri 08-Feb-13 14:09:07

I am not convinced that she has asked a whole lot of other people too. I assume she was relying on OP agreeing to help her out tbh

GingerbreadGretel Fri 08-Feb-13 14:14:38

We do loads of swaps so siblings don't have to be bored at parties but it is RECIPROCAL. Has she ever helped you?

Tasmania Fri 08-Feb-13 14:17:29

"Really sorry - can't do it. Hope you find someone else."

End of story without being too direct.

FatherHankTree Fri 08-Feb-13 14:17:39

'shell be bored but never mind' FFS, she sounds like a manipulative cow. Good on you Stormforce for not being a doormat.

stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 14:47:25

she's never looked after DD, never offered to have her.

She's not really my friend though I would say her dd is my dd's friend. If it was an emergency or a hospital appointment or something unavoidable I'd do it without a second thought but this isn't.

I do wonder where her dh is in all of this

manicbmc Fri 08-Feb-13 15:13:36

Her dh is right behind her saying 'let's dump the kids on some mug and bugger off out to lunch'

They are his kids too and it doesn't sound like he's adverse to giving up responsibility so he can go out.

EldritchCleavage Fri 08-Feb-13 15:22:46

Sounds like a user. If she'd at least offered an apology for last time then maybe, but if she hasn't mentioned it, it's because she's not sorry and is fully prepared to do it to you and her DD again. A woman to avoid, obviously.

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 15:24:47

Crikey. I had a feeling from your OP that it wouldn't be a massive emergenc - people who try and manipulate other parents into taking their children by saying 'he'll be so upset' or she'll be bored but never mind' are prone to asking for this sort of favour for no good reason.

She's trying to makr you feel bad so you say yes. It wasn't an emergency, he won't miss the party - she was talking rubbish from the off.

I know people like this, Oh please can you take ds/dd this afternoon as I've to be somewhere...turns out they were at the gym...

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 15:25:40

Oh and same person offering to take MY child, so she can call in the favour later, then leaving him unsupervised at her house...okay...

squeaver Fri 08-Feb-13 15:33:32

Can't BEAR people like this. I had a child to play one Saturday. She arrived at 11am. I said to the mother "See you later, like we arranged" thinking she'd get picked up at 3pm (like we'd bloody well arranged). Said to the child, at around 2.45, "Let's start getting tidied up, your Mum will be here soon". Child replies, "No, she's coming at 6.30". And she did.


Whocansay Fri 08-Feb-13 15:38:15

I wouldn't text anything else. You've said no. Frankly, after that last nasty attempt at emotional blackmail, I'm amazed you didn't tell her to fuck off. Cheeky bitch.

I have distanced myself from a similar user.

expatinscotland Fri 08-Feb-13 15:43:04

Yeah, that passive aggressive response would be the nail in teh coffin for me.

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