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To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

(505 Posts)
stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:16:31

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Feb-13 12:31:04

I'm terrible at saying no to people, so while I agree with the above posters about being honest about your reasons for not wanting to look after her dd, I'd probably lie for an easy life.

I'd text back and say 'No, I can't, after dance class we are going straight to lunch with friends/my in laws house/the opticians/whatever seems plausible.'

Be blunt, she deserves it after her pathetic 'please, please' bollocks, which would irritate me enough to be firm with the no.

lockets Fri 08-Feb-13 12:31:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sugarice Fri 08-Feb-13 12:34:11

Have you replied to her begging text yet?

manicbmc Fri 08-Feb-13 12:34:49

Just text her back and tell her she's unreliable and you are busy.

bigbadbarry Fri 08-Feb-13 12:35:31

For me it would slightly depend whether she ever returns the favour - has she had your DD to play or for tea or anything? If so, I might ut I would have to mention last time. If no, no way and I would just stick with sorry we are busy. Why can't she drop her son at the party (late, if necessary) and pick her Daughter up herself?

TessTing123 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:36:25

I'm fascinated. Was she apologetic when she came back from her fabulous lunch? Sheepish? Pleased with herself? Casual? Breezy? Pissed?

stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:36:57

No but I think I'll try Greythornes suggestion. I don't have the guts to try some of the others much as I'd like to.

I will respond though. I don't want any crossed wires on this.

Right of to copy Greythornes text into my phone - not feeling very diplomatic today so glad to have someone else to write it for me (something to do with teething ds and no sleep!)

manicbmc Fri 08-Feb-13 12:37:25

What's the betting she plans on dropping her dd at dance and her ds at the party and then buggering off again.

I'd reckon she'll be the last picking up from the party.

Scootee Fri 08-Feb-13 12:40:32

Surely her dd can miss one dance class? If the ds party is considered more important?

I would text back a very straightforward: no, I have already said that i am unable to pick up your dd.

These sorts of people will continue to piss take if people let them. I have been the victim of one of these people, horrible woman. I had to cut contact with her to stop her begging me to do stuff which was unnecessary. This woman begs people to have her child and then fabricates excuses as to why she cannot pick them up. Thereby forcing you to keep them. Don't get involved!

Her dh ought to be able to deal with one of the kids?

TessTing123 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:40:34

She obvs didn't feel the need to make up an excuse about why she was late.

I'd at least have had the decency to concoct an elaborate lie to cover my tracks.

TheFallenNinja Fri 08-Feb-13 12:42:32

I'd tell her to bollocks for not having the courtesy to phone.

Yfronts Fri 08-Feb-13 12:58:12

I don't understand why DS will miss the party

NannyPlumIsMyMum Fri 08-Feb-13 13:00:16


She behaved unreasonably and now has to take the consequences.

NannyPlumIsMyMum Fri 08-Feb-13 13:04:13

And certainly don't make an excuse!

You don't owe her one.. Just a "unfortunately no I'm sorry I can't help tomorrow- i hope you find somebody" is enough .

BarnYardCow Fri 08-Feb-13 13:05:48

It would be a big fat NO from me, especially as it is a Friday evening, you could end up with her daughter for the weekend. Just be honest and say why.

manicinsomniac Fri 08-Feb-13 13:06:18

I'd probably give her one more chance to be honest. But I would be telling her how difficult it was last time and that it couldn't happen again.

Is she generally really crap with timings? I remember waiting outside my dance school for over an hour with my sister waiting for my dad to pick us up (the one and only time he ever got that job). We were about 10 and 12 I guess. Classes finished at 3 but we always pissed about so my Mum told to be there a bit after 3. When he arrived at 4.15 he looked genuinely gobsmacked at our complaints and said "but it is a bit after 3"!

expatinscotland Fri 08-Feb-13 13:07:10

Methinks her plan was to drop the son off at the party, have you take over her daughter, and swan off.

The whole 'take her to dance and then look after her for an hour or so' will become all afternoon.

'Can't do it. We have other plans.'

VitoCorleone Fri 08-Feb-13 13:07:22

3 and a half hours late?! What a fucking cheek.


PrettyKitty1986 Fri 08-Feb-13 13:12:02

If last time was a one off, I think yabu. Considering it was 6 months ago, it's obvious that this isn't a frequent occurance.
Why not be honest...tell her you don't mind having her dd, but you have things to do too, so she must be picked up by xx. Remind her how late she was last time and that she needs to be certain she won't be late again. You don 't have to cause a row over it, it 's just fact.
To put a blanket ban on having this girl over because of one previous is a bit mean. IMO.

FatherHankTree Fri 08-Feb-13 13:12:45

I'd make it clear to the dance class teacher at drop-off that you are only picking up your DD, as she there's a possibility she may try and dump (for want of a better word) her DD with you anyway.

A total pisstaker friend did that to me once.

Pancakeflipper Fri 08-Feb-13 13:13:54

I would do it if my DD liked her DD and they were friends. But my text message would an "oK BUT don't you dare be late like last time and leave me with a sobbing child wondering where the hell you are..

If the children are not friends I would say nah.

sleepyhead Fri 08-Feb-13 13:14:45

I'd do it, but I'd remind her about last time and say that you need her to be there to collect when she says she would.

Will it put you out to have her dd for an hour after dance class, or is it just because you're still angry with her that you don't want to do it? Will your dd enjoy having her friend to play?

I would text, "I'm sorry, but I am not happy to do this, after what happened last time."

ajandjjmum Fri 08-Feb-13 13:20:22

Had she mentioned her tardiness since last time? Or invited your DD over to hers?

If not I would be open with her about how you feel.


AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 08-Feb-13 13:23:01

Let us know what happens!!

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