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To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

(505 Posts)
stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:16:31

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

The "please please" would have been it for me.

No is a complete sentence.

KatoPotato Fri 08-Feb-13 12:19:45

I think you need to take her to task by way of reply and state

'Last time was ridiculous, seriously. I'll take her for an hour but don't be going swanning off again this time it wasn't ideal for anyone, including your DD.'

OTTMummA Fri 08-Feb-13 12:20:28

Just say no, it's not your problem that she has given herself a reputation is it? If you cave this time it will be harder to say no and mean it every time after this, and if you do say yes she will ask you every time because all she has to say is ' please, please, please'

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Fri 08-Feb-13 12:20:33

I wouldn't have her either. 3 and a half hours late takes the piss

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 12:20:35

I wouldn't because of what she did last time. Being late is fine if there is a REALLY good excuse like an emergency. She'd have burned her bridges with me. I would simply text and say sorry you can't as you are going somewhere straight after dance class.

Text back again, "sorry no, I really can't" Be firm!

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Feb-13 12:22:10

Dont answer the text. It isnt compulsory!

PureQuintessence Fri 08-Feb-13 12:22:54

I would go further than that and say:

'Last time was ridiculous, seriously. Are you surprised that you can find nobody to take your dd, seeing as you go off for hours leaving people at a lose end with your child?. No, I wont be taking her.'

Greythorne Fri 08-Feb-13 12:23:49

I would text:

"Gosh, it's a nightmare, isn't it, all the juggling we have to do! I feel for you, but unfortunately, we are utterly snowed tomorrow. Hope you find a solution. Best

GeneHuntsMistress Fri 08-Feb-13 12:24:31

Just tell the truth.

Remind her what happened last time and that you are not willing to take the risk again, you don't trust her word, and that is the end of the matter.

Why lie? The truth speaks for itself!

PureQuintessence Fri 08-Feb-13 12:24:50

Well, much less confrontational.... grin

undercoverhousewife Fri 08-Feb-13 12:24:57

Her behaviour last time was so odd that I can't help thinking there may be more to it - something she hasn't told you. But neither a birthday party nor a dance class are unmissable so this is not an emergency where you would bend over backwards to be helpful. Stick to your guns until you have an explanation/ apology. It sounds like she might have burned her bridges with all her other friends too - maybe she has treated them the same way. Some people do....

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 12:25:15

I would WANT to text what quint posted but in reality I would text what grey posted - it's amazing how unreasonable people can turn things around and end up making you the bad guy.

DeWe Fri 08-Feb-13 12:25:17

I'd probably do something like say I would but she needs to be picked up really quickly as I have something to go onto that I can't take her to say, within an hour and a quarter.

PureQuintessence Fri 08-Feb-13 12:26:11

Not sure I would have the courage to post what I and KatoPotato posted....

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Feb-13 12:26:27

I just wouldnt answer the text. No confrontation at all that way.

Thumbwitch Fri 08-Feb-13 12:26:37

Hmm. If you feel sorry for her DS, then say you'll pick up the DD but only to drop her off at the party as you won't be able to have her at your house for any length of time (no explanation required).
If the party is a genuine reason, then that shouldn't be a problem (except then of course for the mum, having an uninvited child coming to the party). If it's an excuse, she won't give you the address.

If she doesn't give you the address of the party, then say No. And stick to it.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 08-Feb-13 12:27:01

I like Katopotatoes answer. Not sure if you are going to the dance class anyway - if so I would do it, if not then "No still busy and not after last time"

tiggytape Fri 08-Feb-13 12:27:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain Fri 08-Feb-13 12:27:06

you have already said you can't because you are busy so that is it. You don't have to elaborate. Just post again, "Sorry, I can't. As I said, we are busy tomorrow, hope you can sort something out."

Sugarice Fri 08-Feb-13 12:28:01

A 3.5 hour lunch!, did they have a crafty shag afterwards too hmm.

If you're not happy then say no you're busy.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 08-Feb-13 12:29:06

I would develop sudden toothache that requires an immeidate visit to the dentist.

Why does she have to stay at the party with her DS?

expatinscotland Fri 08-Feb-13 12:29:22

She's asked lots of people? That tells you right there. Why can't she drop her son off at the party?

I would tell her no again. No 'sorry', either. 'Can't do it. Have other plans.'

Molehillmountain Fri 08-Feb-13 12:29:59

Good grief-I think it's rude to be twenty minutes late to pick up a child. Three and a half hours?!! I don't think you owe her am explanation, just a "sorry, it's not convenient". Followed by an "it's not convenient" if that doesn't work.

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